Threads

See more results

Topics

Usernames

Mumsnet Logo
Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Am I liable for the costs?
11

MyFirstPatrik · 28/06/2022 12:11

Hi. So basically me and my ex been in court since last year May over child arrangement. Since December my ex started making new allegations against me and my family,so serious, that police/ social services were involved. Obviously they not taking any futher actions because he is just making things up without evidence,witnesses. I believe he has delusions and requested if he could get psychiatric assessment, as I am afraid his long term cannabis use has caused this to him.
I have legal aid, he represents himself and doesn't have a solicitor.
Today at the hearing I was told I might have to pay in towards the costs of this psychiatric assessment! (As it is probably won't be included in my legal aid)
I was told that they will probably split the cost between me and him. Do you this it's fair or correct?
I mean I am a single mum,and he has been making all these allegations, out of nowhere...I am still liable to pay the assessment?
Isn't it supposed to be his responsibility as it is his mental illness caused by his careless use of cannabis?

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

Collaborate · 28/06/2022 15:49

The court has the power to order this and will take in to account the means of both of you.

It was you who requested the psychiatric assessment. Do you still want it?

Please
or
to access all these features

Vapinginbed · 28/06/2022 22:16

I think if one had this you both do. Your legal aid should pay for it. Mine was going to but we didn’t do this in the end.

Please
or
to access all these features

Soontobe60 · 28/06/2022 22:19

You said he’s made allegations, but are you not doing exactly the same here? Alleging that he has a mental illness brought on by cannabis use? Is there any actual medical proof of this allegation?

Please
or
to access all these features

MyFirstPatrik · 28/06/2022 23:50

I do still want it, I mean the psychiatric assessment as I am unable to believe that he is making these allegations on purpose...
I was also told that probably my legal aid won't cover it....
There is no need for medical proof. Judge was about to book a drug test for but him hence of him being bald and also admitting to daily regular use up until last year February (when me and my son left, and he started ' recollecting' memories of abuse by meditation)and apparently he said he still smoking it occasionally...the judge decided that test wasn't necessary.
Every single day in our 4 year relationship he smoked cannabis. And I know he did it since he was 20. Now he is 43. Yes, I do believe that cannabis is a real issue.

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

BeNice01 · 29/06/2022 16:30

A Collaborate mentioned, the judge has power and discretion to make orders on who pays the cost. In situation, you are seeking that he takes the test therefore the court can order you to share the cost.

This sometimes also applies to supervised contact or supported handovers.

Please
or
to access all these features

Skeptadad · 30/06/2022 07:01

Haha welcome to family court and false allegations.

the cost will be expensive.

My ex clearly has a personality disorder but I don’t and over people don’t need to see the diagnosis as the behaviours are obvious.

I would personally be pointing to the behaviours and leave out the accusations but that’s just how I went about my business. The problem is it might be that you are wrong then you are in a weaker position.

Please
or
to access all these features

MyFirstPatrik · 30/06/2022 09:13

Brilliant.
I honestly feel so disappointed with everything. I was even thought to sue him for these allegations, but his statement made everywhere I protected by the law "absolute privilege " ...so basically he cab say in court and to police whatever he wants without any consequences. Great.
Thank you for advice, I think I will have to pay towards these costs, there is no other way...
If I will be wrong, than we proceed to fact finding hearing, which already s.cks for him, as he made statements about two of my friend,who apparently abused him while I drugged him(he tells he seen people hiding under his bed etc) and them two friends weren't even in the country when it happened. One of them actually left UK in 2014 and never returned. (Abuse happened apparently in 2019/20) They never met....bo chance...So I believe this is a proof of him lying then or something? If he is not delusional?

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

Skeptadad · 30/06/2022 21:16

Okay well if he has serious psychiatric issues then how do you make it safe?

One thing I love about some good dads in this space is that they will ask questions of dads like;

“if your ex is an alcoholic how do you help her and move towards her being involved in your child/rens life”.

Often in the other wise what I see is:
how I weaponise a weakness?

Sad really.

Please
or
to access all these features

MyFirstPatrik · 30/06/2022 22:57

Don't you think I am not trying to make him realise that there are some horrendous issues with him (unless he is aware of that these allegations are fake)? Even the judge tried to be polite and tell him that he might need treatment and have mental issues,but he is in denial, "there is nothing wrong with me"?! What else I am supposed to do? Shall I just ignore the fact he is calling me a rapist and pheadofile?? Let him see out son and tell him these lies about me?

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

Skeptadad · 01/07/2022 17:09

Haha, actually that's odd. My ex called me a rapist and a pedophile and even went to the police. It's what mentally unstable people do. You will have to use your judgement to determine whether you think being a total fantasist is going to impair your exs ability to look after child.

In my own case my ex gives good care despite being a space cadet. I guess it all needs to be on a case by case basis.

Really pleased in your case this has been seen early on sadly in my own case it took ages and I had MARACs and all kinds of madness going on behind my back. I don't know why it took people so long.

Please
or
to access all these features

MyFirstPatrik · 01/07/2022 20:33

That is indeed very odd, he reported me to police last year and to social services too,MASH etc. I don't know how to feel about is,so many questions...why?? Why these people go down this route? Why do they lie ? I just can't get my head around it..
"You will have to use your judgement to determine whether you think being a total fantasist is going to impair your exs ability to look after child." ...yes...and it is very hard. I am trying not to be selfish. But to be honest with you since the court suspended his visitations (since November last year,due to his allegations/and we know this is serious if the court decides that he cannot see his son!), our life became much better and easier... but that doesn't mean my son needs to grow up without his father.
I am also glad his issues came out just in time. I am really grateful for that!

OP's posts:
Please
or
to access all these features
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.