Ex already breaching new court order

[Nearlyalldone]

this msg is cross-posted from the Lone Parents forum:

Long time lurker here, but I need your advice now. Please help x

Recently had a final hearing where ex and I agreed the terms of our court order and the judge simply signed it off. I have a ‘lives with’ order and he has the kids every other weekend plus an evening (no overnight) one day after school every week.

The ex threatened to take me back to court the very next day following the hearing to increase his access. He’s today just told the kids that he’s going to their school this week to watch them in 2 separate school events that are not on his assigned days with them. He hasn’t discussed this with me.

The ink has barely dried on the court order and it’s obvious that he has no intention of sticking to it. Can I go back to the judge (via my solicitor) and request a ‘barring order’ to prevent him from taking me back to court at this stage? He didn’t stick to the previous interim order very well either and he got a ‘slapped wrist’ for it at the final hearing so the judge is aware of his errant behaviour(!).

Thanks!

As per your other thread, the court order doesn't exclude him from attending their school to watch a play on 'your' days. Same for sports days, parents evenings, PTA fairs etc.

I can fully appreciate why you think he's breaching the CO but he's supporting his kids. He doesn't have to discuss this with you. As their parent (and without any legal exclusion) he has every right to support them at school. YABU.

Disclaimer - my ex never attended a single thing to do with school, no events, no parent's evenings, no concerts/plays/awards, didn't ever do drop off or collection. In 15 years of formal education.

Why does he need to discuss going to watch your children at a sports/school event? I'm not sure I understand why that is even an issue.

Would he really take you back to court so soon? Surely it's too expensive to keep doing it. If there is no risk that the outcome will change, I'd just let him go🤷‍♀️

The advice you got on the original thread, was pretty fair. Not sure why reposting.

He won't get very far if he tries to go back ti court right after the proceedings concluded so don't worry about that. There is no reason he shouldn't go to the school events though. Don't poke the bear, just stick to the order and if he doesn't deal with it then.

Surely school events are not included in visits. If you don’t want him there because you don’t want to see him, stay apart. What happens when one of your DC takes up a sport that DH wants to watch, will he be able to on the days he doesn’t have them and will you need him to do lifts etc. My DH always said that EOW and one evening a week wouldn’t be enough for him with his children and that if we split up it would be 50/50.

The order just outlines where your child lives & 121 contact with father it doesn’t prevent him attending events his child is taking part in, in or out if school. Unless your dc doesn’t want him there why would you want to prevent it?

I think you need to ask yourself 'why don't you want him there' surely it's in the children a best interests to have you both there. You don't have to sit next to him or make polite conversation, I'm sure the kids would like him to watch? Are you trying to punish him for something or was he abusive to the dc?

Why have you started another thread about the same thing. The answers aren't going to be different.

Thanks everyone. I’m really new to all this. The court order has just been written in the past couple of weeks.

From your comments on this forum and the ‘lone parents’ forum, I now know that I was taking the court order too literally. I thought the order literally meant that my ex couldn’t spend any time at all with the kids in person on his non-designated days (and vice versa for me). In my defence, the language of the court order does imply this as it spells out when he ‘spend time with’ his children on the designated days (unless otherwise agreed by me) . Attending school events where the children would be able to see us and interact with us was not discussed during the hearing at any point and to me this came under spending time with their father (and me).

Attending school events where the children would be able to see us and interact with us was not discussed during the hearing at any point and to me this came under spending time with their father (and me).

There are so many situations that can't be included in a CO. Would you be OK with not seeing your dc if (god forbid) they were admitted to hospital on dad's days, or would you expect that you be 'allowed' to visit them in hospital?

What about extra-curricular stuff - if a critical football match happened on dad's weekend, or a school fair was on, or a drama performance, would you be OK with not seeing the dc if the event happened on dad's 'time', despite you putting in the majority of the leg work?

If there are legitimate reasons for him NOT attending school/extra curricular events then you need to get the CO changed. If you attempt to block him from attending when he has PR then I suspect he would challenge you legally (and likely win).

He has been given unfettered access/contact with his kids. There legally are no concerns about his parenting.

Why don't YOU want him to participate in his dc's lives?

And yes, he can make further legal applications for increased contact - what are your reasons for wanting to limit his contact with the dc?

Of course he can attend school events that aren’t on his days. Would you not attend if a school play or something fell on his days?

No of course it doesn’t mean he can’t see his child at any other time! Why would you want that anyway, an order in most cases is to protect the rights of a child not prevent access (unless abuse etc). If your ex for example wanted to take his child out for the day during holidays on a day not designated by the order then that is perfectly fine to do he wouldn’t be breaching the order by doing that, similarly if you needed to switch days or times because it worked better for your child then that is also fine if you are both in agreement it doesn’t make it breach of order. The court would most likely give either of you stern words if you took either back to court for petty or minor alterations made ad hoc. Bear in mind that as child gets older these arrangements are most likely to be altered to suit lifestyle changes anyway and teenage kids can make arrangements with one parent without the interference of another regardless of an old order.

This comes across as incredibly controlling. What would you say if your ex said you couldn’t go on his days? Would that at all be child focused? What the desired outcome is is what is best for the children.

So if your kids parents evening fall after-school on the day they are with him in the week, you'd be happy to not ever go to them and hope your ex shares with you how it went?

I would very much doubt this.

I understand how you a feeling.

The process can give the impression that you are dividing the children in half like territory. However even if you dislike each other, you have to co-parent . This includes being flexible about school event, birthdays, mothers/fathers day.

There will be occasions and days when it would mean the world to a child to see both parents.

Futhermore unless it’s unsafe to do so, the courts are not keen for NMO or CAO to be used for blocking the other parent from attending events that both have been invited to by the school.