Initiating a divorce and infidelity on my part

[Sadandsadder]

Hoping for some advice - I intentionally posting in Legal and not Relationships as I don’t want to be judged or berated just receive some informed advice from anyone in the know.

DH and I married for 13 years. No children. Gradually grown apart to the extent we are in seperate beds and living largely seperate lives. I have met someone else and we want to be together. I don’t want to carry on a long term affair and so I need to initiate divorce, but the thought terrifies me as I don’t know how to start and I feel I need some preliminary advice before even speaking to a lawyer. He is somewhat financially dependent on me but not to the extent he couldn’t become self sufficient

Some Qs

• if I admit to infidelity will this strengthen any legal claim he has to our joint assets / income? Vs an ‘irreconcilable differences’ situation
• would I need to name my partner in court (I have heard of this but not sure if it’s an urban myth?)

Grateful for any answers or other advice people may have. Please be kind - this is very hard but I’m trying to do the right thing and don’t want to live a miserable life.

Why would you need to do any of that? No fault divorce has come in so just use that.

Infidelity doesn't lead to someone gaining more or less in the divorce anymore.

Q1: No, the divorce and separation of assets are two separate process. You infidelity won’t affect the Separation of Assets BUT may help you to get a much quicker Dissolution if the marriage.

Q: Not necessarily, with the new “no fault divorce” rules you may not need to.

HTH

Infidelity has never led to anyone getting more it less of the assets in the old scheme either.

It’s never been a thing that you had to name your partner in court. Some people choose to generally out of bitterness, but as a general rule solicitors have always advised against it as it takes far longer for the divorce to go through then etc.

Just do a no fault divorce. If your DH wants to divorce you for adultery then he can initiate the proceedings, but if not then just carry on with no fault. There’s no bearing on assets either way.

Thanks all - already so glad I posted.

I’m not a stupid or incapable person but this isn’t something I’ve ever, until recently, thought I’d be going so I’m feeling hugely unsettled and learning about the process and options is hugely helpful to me.

What are the timescales / costs involved in no fault or is it a how long is a piece of string depending on how long / contentious things are?

is division of assets generally always 50/50 if there are no dependents?

No fault divorce came in this year, I would go down that route.

See a lawyer for a quick visit. It was a while ago but it helped to just agree with exH how we would separate, check with a lawyer that it wasn't legally dodgy, pop down to the Courts, fill in some forms.

I wasn’t aware no fault divorce was now an option, that really seems like a game changer (even though I have no illusion whatsoever it’ll be easy) avoids so much mud slinging about which party deemed to be ‘unreasonable’

are there legal precedents around assets / liabilities or is it for us to agree? Will lawyers strongly push their clients cases to get them the best outcome or are they guided by the wishes of their clients?

if it's amicable you can use mediators instead, or do it yourselves and get a solicitor to draft the consent order

No fault divorce will be easiest unless he objects then I don't know how that would go.

You would also need to ask whether the fact he is financially dependent on you means he would get a little more than 50%. I know spousal support isn't normally a thing any more but I guess you need to know all possibilities.

Thankfully you don't have children which will make it much easier.

One thing I read often on here is 'clean break'. I gather that's something that means neither party can come after the other after the divorce.

Really helpful advice thank you

No fault divorce will be easiest unless he objects then I don't know how that would go

It will still be a no fault divorce. That is the only form of divorce now available in England & Wales. It will be granted even if he objects. The relevant legislation requires the courts to take a statement by either party that the marriage has broken down irretrievably to be taken as conclusive and for the courts to make a divorce order. It is no longer possible for one partner to keep the other in an unhappy marriage by contesting the divorce.

@Sadandsadder Your infidelity will not make any difference to the financial settlement. You will not be required to admit to the existence of your new partner, let alone name them.

@prh47bridge I cannot tell you how much your post has filled me with relief. I, like many others I’m sure, was in danger of staying in a relationship just because the angst and cost of the divorce process would be too much. I’m going to read up on all of this now. Thank you for taking the time to post

www.gov.uk/get-a-divorce

All the best op, id say, hope it will be straightforward, but plan for war, to be on the safe side.

I just did a quickie no fault divorce after 20 years marriage, took 8 weeks! Brilliant new system'

I would personally get legal advice and rely on that and would probably avoid the mediation route. I know a few people who have been in a difficult position having agreed things in mediation that a solicitor would have advised against. Spousal support is getting rarer most are encouraged to make a full and final settlement now. 50:50 is the usual starting point for a long marriage which yours would be deemed to be - that includes all assets and debts so you will both need valuations of pensions, investments, savings and loans as well as any property, cars etc. This is why it often leads to the sale of the marital home. Without children involved and provided neither of you have complex property or investment holdings and have fairly straightforward and comparable pensions arrangements it all should be fairly easy.

There is a minimum 20 week wait before the claimant can apply for a conditional order of divorce.

How strange! I've been very lucky then. That said we had been separated for 2 years.

Hi - These links may help you:

No fault divorce advice:
www.mediateuk.co.uk/ultimate-guide-to-the-no-fault-divorce-law/

Financial settlement advice:
www.mediateuk.co.uk/the-ultimate-guide-to-financial-settlement-on-divorce/

I hope they will help and wish you all the best.

Sounds like a divorce on the grounds of 2 years separation, which was one of the routes before no fault divorce became the only permitted route.