Would this make family judge decide limited maternal custody?

[BrokenByThis]

Parent who has history of anorexia (not diagnosed of treated by nhs but only in private therapy for about 1 year max)

And the same parent who admits to dissociating to get through hard times, but doesn't stop normal daily functioning.

Would that be enough to make a judge seem that parent unsafe to have custody of the children? There are no incidents other than a history of this parent strongly protecting the children from ex partner in a domestic abuse situation, which is a positive and not a negative.

I'm afraid because that parent is me and the ex is using a personal diary of mine disclosing these things against me in family court.

So of course I'm afraid. Do I need to be?

No, but they might limit paternal contact due to this. It's good of your ex to help your case by demonstrating his pattern of abuse and gaslighting to the judge.

No. But get a decent barrister.

As someone who works in this field, from what you've said no you do not need to be afraid. He is going to make himself look like a prick by using a personal diary and trying to score points, undermine and continue to abuse you. Let him continue and have your day in court.

Wow for a moment I read it that they'd restrict me and my heart sank!

I really hope they will view it with openness and not any kind of stigma.

I'm running out of money! I am guessing it will be a big fight then. I can hardly bear this, it sometimes feels too much.

May I ask if you work in the field of court or psychology?

It's nice to know you've got insight and don't think I have to worry.

His attempt to use your mental health issues against you will be viewed very poorly by the court when there’s no demonstrable impact to the child.

My ex applied for residence citing my ‘extreme’ mental health issues and inability to keep our child safe. Like your ex he was violent and abusive to me. The things he said and did during the proceedings were very painful, but ultimately court ended up being an exercise in watching him dig his own hole. His seemingly relentless desire to paint me as some kind of dangerous lunatic continued right up to a contested final hearing. I’ll never quite forget the judge interjecting into one of his lengthy monologues to ask why, if I was so dangerous, had he left our child in my sole care so often? He’d moved out 40 times during her short life… and opted to not see her for months after he left me.

my best advice is to not join him in slinging mud, and rather focus on what your child needs. Keep your head high.

I don't think they will view him saying you have mental health issues that poorly. My ex did that to me consistently and nothing came of it. Family court seem to have a high tolerance for what is acceptable as parents which is probably right as we wouldn't want to severe a parent/child relationship for arbitrary reasons. Although that same high level of tolerance will also work in your favour as I would suspect as you are likely the primary carer.

False allegations are routinely made in family court in both directions. I suspect it's seen as general upset going through a difficult time.

This is interesting:

"Up to 75% of people experience at least one depersonalization/derealization episode in their lives, with only 2% meeting the full criteria for chronic episodes. Women are more likely than men to be diagnosed with a dissociative disorder."

www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Mental-Health-Conditions/Dissociative-Disorders

It's probably far more common that you suspect. It's a natural trauma response. I was actually under the crisis team many years a go as I couldn't handle ex and that was used against me by her which was shitty as she caused my breakdown. Still walked away with shared care of our daughter so made no difference in family court.

I'm sorry you experienced this, it sounds awful.

My problem is that, if you discount his visual cues online (frowning, arm folding, shaking head, etc) , he is represented by someone who is very experienced in court work and doing all the talking for him.

It's quite a different matter when we link up with social services though. He shows his true colours more there, I feel.

I guess they get a lot of mud-slinging. Must be hard to judge with fairness when that happens.

I'm glad it couldn't be used against you. I guess it's just that I feel it's the new kid on the block, as in, awareness of it only about 10 years now, and it can talk a troubling length of time for these things to become more widely known and understood.

I think it's the shame and the stigma that I'm worried he will use to his advantage if people are largely uneducated. They may hear dissociation and think multiple personality and then assume everyone is about to murder in an alter ego or something!

@BrokenByThis sorry just seen your reply to me. I am a social worker who works on a child protection and court team. X

Thank you, this is good to know.
I really need the court to be trauma informed, as the children are also a mixed bag of fear of their father and desperate loyalty because they fear his anger and want to stay in his good books so they feel loved by him. So hard to watch it happening and worrying people aren't noticing if it's subtle. Seems that people still see a bruise but not the other types of abuse. And of course, not many people are ALL bad, so it's way to be swayed by the better bits.

Yeah it’s such a shame isn’t it I suffered from disassociation when I was very little and I had no idea what was happening to me. That was before the internet thought I was going mad. I had no idea what to do. I saw a psychiatrist about 25 years a go and he said you might get better you might not. I was only little at the time. Was a horrible experience.

it was only as I got older than I figured out for myself why it felt like from time to time I was watching my life through a TV screen:

It’s not uncommon I would try not to worry about it. I hope things work out for you :)