Co-Parenting and Mediation Limbo

[Mamatotwo2]

Hi everyone, I’m new here and at the point where I don’t know where to turn.

To cut a long story short, I’m currently going through the mediation process with my ex as we just cannot communicate anymore.

My ex has the kids 3 nights one week and 4 nights the next which started when I mentioned money, and advised that he needed to start paying. He doesn’t have the kids all of these nights he arranges babysitters. This is something we’re going through mediation over because I just feel there’s no need to be down there if they aren’t spending quality time with him. They could be with me their mama.

He usually arranges his mother to have the children but has just told me that in 2 days time I am to drop them to his new girlfriend (I say new; I’m not sure when they got together but I found out about her in January).

We’re mediation limbo right now, I’ve had my first session but he hasn’t had his yet. But this situation makes me feel so uncomfortable.

I’ve never met this girlfriend although the kids have and they like her. I’m not worried from a safety point of view but they could just be with me.

For further context we don’t have set days because he works shifts. Something I’m also trying to mediate about.

It feels so unnatural for me.

Should I call the mediator to ask for advice? Or shall I just wait for our mediation session to raise the issue?

If you've had your MIAM and he's not doing his you could make an application under the Children Act to change the arrangements.

Your point is valid. Why ask for the children if they will be with someone else? Is it odd? Is it uncommon? No.

Many of parents, married or separated, use childminders, grandparents, neighbours or relatives for childcare. The court's overarching priority for children to be safe and spend time with both parents.

If they are safe then the court nor cafcass won't consider a close relationship with your ex's girlfriend to be a reason to obstruct or reduce contact.

One of the most challenging mental walls to climb after a seperation is:

Your time with the kids = your choice
His time with the kids = his choice

It's great that you are trying to resolve difference through mediation. You could let him know that you are happy to help with childcare when it suits you both but only if a request won't snowball into a debate about contact.

Other than that you are doing extremely well e.g being flexible and asking the right questions :)