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What can we do about this ex of my mums causing trouble? Threats to kill, stalking!

12 replies

PinkBump2022 · 19/05/2022 20:06

My mum was with her boyfriend for 3 years. Since my fathers passing 15 years ago she got lonely and wanted a companionship. She met a man of a similar age and they seamed to get along at first. Moved in together in a small flat. My mum owns properties outright and he wanted her to sell up to free up some cash. I was adamant she should not give her money to this man! Thankfully she didn’t! Anyways…. They lived together for around 2.5 years and his health apparently took a turn for the worst when he said he had a sore leg ahd wouldn’t get out of bed for months on end. X-rays and scans showed nothing expect he was severely overweight! He lay in bed for months expecting my mum to work full time and come home and tidy up his mess, clean his body after using the bathroom as he was so fat he couldn’t reach. I was disgusted when I found out and felt like my poor kind hearted mum was being took for granted. Thankfully she told me she planned to leave him. She sought out a new place to live where he didn’t know and off she went one day. He went crazy that day. Texting and ringing all her friends and family telling them to make her come home he will change. But she said to block him. We all did. We realised she had quite had enough of this man. We were all happy for her. He began trying to stalk her. Turning up at my house. My siblings houses, her friends houses, looking all over for her, following us incase we were going to see her. We all called the police and my mum ended up getting a non molestation order against him with the power of arrest. If that wasn’t enough he began texting her best friend threatening to kill her if she didn’t disclose my mums where abouts. Police called again. Arrested charged with stalking, harassment and threats to kill. Things went quiet. Happy days! The non molestation order ran out 1 week ago. Nobody thought much of it. It’s lasted 1 year and we haven’t heard from him, perhaps he’s moved on with his life. Nope he turns up at my mums best friends house with a letter stating on the envelope if my mum doesn’t open she is going to have serious consequences! My mums friend calls her and over the phone they open up this letter (incase he’s waiting to follow my mums friend to my mums house) my mums friend reads her the letter. He wants £40,000 into his bank within 2 weeks or karma is coming for us all. We call the police again and give them the letter. Because the order has ran out they can not arrest him but instead give him a warning of harassment!! I feel this is not the end at all and something bad is going to happen and I’ll be honest I’m worried!

can we take this further? Can my mum take out another order with only this reason of a threatening letter? He knows where we all live expect my mum and I feel it’s us he’s all coming for and I am genuinely scared. He’s a very large man, 6ft and over 35 stone. I’m rather small and slim, pregnant not to mention and don’t need this worry or stress. What can we all do about this? I feel he needs locked away as we are not safe

OP posts:
CornishPorsche · 19/05/2022 20:17

Yes, they can. She needs to complain that this is a continuous course of his harassment, and also blackmail and demand action. There's no need for a non-molestation order for that.

Ask to speak to the Duty Inspector, say this is a significant safeguarding issue with a man with previous stalking behaviours and you expect the police to act accordingly.

comedycentral · 19/05/2022 22:16

Oh how terrifying, I don't know the law in cases like this but I want to wish you, your mum and your family the very best through this.

RedHelenB · 21/05/2022 19:25

Is he still living in one of your mums properties or did they rent somewhere together?

PinkBump2022 · 30/05/2022 15:50

No he got kicked out of the last place as he couldn’t afford his rent he is living in sheltered accommodation

OP posts:
CornishPorsche · 30/05/2022 16:08

Have you called the police again?

JuneOsborne · 30/05/2022 16:12

I'd keep going with the police. You can have a special note on your address about this too, so should you ever call the police they'll know why and try to attend very quickly.

We had a man a bit like this in our life. Also my mum's ex. Bloody awful. He died and the relief was immense. I know that makes me sound like a dreadful person.

ReadtheReviews · 30/05/2022 16:15

I'd also get some of this www.police-supplies.co.uk/farb-gel-self-defence-spray#review-form just to make yourself feel happier and install security cameras at your's and friend's house.

parietal · 30/05/2022 16:33

Look up Paladin charity for advice on stalking.

Realitea · 09/06/2022 07:24

You need a stalking advocate asap. Contact all the stalking charities and say it’s urgent.

MrsBertBibby · 09/06/2022 07:28

Yes she can get another non molestation order. And ask for it to be longer. Even indefinite.

Also complain to police, that is rubbish.

RewildingAmbridge · 09/06/2022 07:34

If you call 101 during the day ask to speak to the domestic abuse team (slightly different names in different areas since after DA investigation teams others are DA problem solving teams, the switch board will know what you mean). Was he convicted of stalking rather than harassment, that's a serious charge that usually attracts custodial sentences. Is he subject to probation? If so call your local probation office and ask to speak to his officer, they won't be able to disclose anything to you about his order or supervision but will happily receive the information. If he's on licence he would be subject to recall to prison.
Your mum can also seek a non mol with the support of the NCDV

RewildingAmbridge · 09/06/2022 07:35

www.ncdv.org.uk/

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