Absent dad advice

[Candycat1212]

Just looking for some advice and support.

So my sons dad and I separated before I knew I was pregnant (it was an abusive relationship and I have a 3 year restraining order on him).
He knew I was pregnant and made many noises that he wanted to be involved and make things right with us, etc but a month before my son was born he met someone and disappeared off the face of the earth over night. Fast forward to now, a year on, and I've still not heard a word from him or anyone on his side about the baby but him and his partner have now quietly bought a house a 5 min walk from mine and he has dramatically changed his appearance. Now his partner and him have no reason to buy in this (small) town, no work or family reasons. Even the police agree its very strange he would chose to buy here. As its a small town, I have seen him around but thankfully he's never approached me and seems to avoid places once he's seen me there.

Obviously Id rather he wasnt involved with the baby, he's not a good person, so I'm very concerned that he might one day try for some kind of access. Keeping in mind he's never met this baby and never shown any interest in him at all.
I'm asking this in legal as I'm wondering....he was found guilty of domestic abuse and coercion and I have a three year restraining order against him. Would this stop him attempting to get access? Would he have to wait until the restraining order and/or court supervision period is over? Or can I rest easy knowing that he's not made contact because he doesn't want to?

No one can tell you what he might want. If he does want to see his child, you need to see a solicitor to discuss the issues you raise and what you will do about it. All the circumstances will be considered if you get to that point. I don’t think anyone can guess what he might ask for or indeed not ask for.

Surelynits a good thing of hrs going out of his ear to avoid you. I would think its his partner that must have ties to the place, if it was him wanting to get at you I think get be more present in places you go.

I'll retype that.

Surely it's a good thing if he's going out of his way to avoid you. I would think it's his partner that must have ties to the place . If it was him wanting to get at you I think he'd be more present in places you frequent often.

I suspect he's waiting for the restraining order to lapse - he won't want to risk his partner finding out by doing anything that would be interpreted as a breech.

@RedHelenB Oh yes it's a good thing he's trying to avoid me, it just makes it all the stranger that he moved here. His partner has no links to this town either, i've discussed it all at length with the police and court representative and they are as baffled as I am by him moving here. So that is why I'm very concerned that he's just waiting it out and then going to try for access....I just don't understand why he would wait, is he legally required to wait until the court supervision and community service period is done? It's just a strange situation.

@titchy yeah that's a possibility.

No he doesn’t have to wait. 1,000s of dads have non molestation orders which suddenly appear for the first time in their lives around the time a child is born. It’s very common.

The fact he hasn’t tried likely either means he isn’t bothered or you have scared him off.

@Skeptadad thanks for your reply. Hes most likely not bothered then as despite everything he did and my apprehension about him being around the baby, I never said to him "you can't see him" and we've not had any contact at all since he was born so I don't think it's a case of me scaring him off. I just don't get why he would go out of his way to move so close to us of he's not interested in him....that's what concerns me. Its very strange behaviour.

Yeah, probably not bothered and just a coincidence. I have just watched my 2 year old sleeping for 30 minutes. I don't know why parents walk away from their children.

Sorry it's on your mind it's not nice have an unpredictable person taking up thinking space real estate.