I’m kinda in a rough spot. Wondering if I can get some advice from people who has been there or currently going through it.
I have a set of twin boys with an abusive man. (I did call the police) he was arrested photo were taken and I was pressured by his friends to drop it. I dropped the charges but the court continued to sentence him anyways. He served 6 months in prison for domestic violence. I like an idiot took him back out of fear and familiarity. When he came home from jail the abuse didn’t end. And I managed to leave state to go back home with my parents just a few months after his release.
I still tried to co parent with him but he became very narcissistic. He only asked for the children and tried to manipulate me by using them and threatening to take me to court. I still tried to co parent. I tried to allow him to be present for their 2nd birthday. Not even 5 minutes being in the same room he was in my face yelling and screaming in front of both our parents because I refused to go back to the hotel with him. He left my house and later that night broke into my home and I woke up with his hands down my pants. I called the police but because he wasn’t from here nothing happened because they couldn’t find him. He never even showed up to their birthday. I still tried to co parent.
At this point I was less talkative and hesitant on answering back. He now was facing another domestic violence case with a girlfriend he was dealing with at the moment and was facing trial for a drug charge as well and was out on bail. He would message me at three in morning to video chat him. Asking me if there was some way we could get married other wise I wouldn’t “like it he filled out papers to exorcise his rights as their father.” He used my kids as pawns and never truly seeked them Out of love. He told me “you act like I was beating your ass every day”. Threatened to sign his rights over because I refused to be with him. A year after I left him ! I tried to place him in child support and he avoided being served only to tell me he was going to try to get on ssi so legally he won’t be able to pay child support.
Eventually I stopped responding to him all together. I have saved the messages of everything I stated above. Through out the years he’s harassed me. Continued to “reach out” for them but I blocked him from all social media because I’ve already tried to co parent to the point where I was sexually assaulted and damn near assaulted in front of our family. He claims on social media I kept them from him and skipped out of town without him knowing where we were which in the messages I still have proves him to be a liar. ( since he showed up for the party he never attended). Now 10 years later I find out he’s taking me to court for partial custody. My boys are now 12 and the first thing they said was “why is he going to court now?” They expressed they feel like it’s too late for him to actually try and that they don’t want to meet him. But speaking with my lawyer not only am I afraid of facing him again I was told he will get rights. Even if it’s the bare minimum.
I haven’t slept a full night In weeks. It makes me sick to my stomach knowing the possibility of having to co parent with him again are high. My children were present during all violent alterations including one of my twins being on my lap. His friend took my child from my lap as he was punching me! My babies weren’t even 1.
Has anyone been in this situation with an abusive and narcissistic ex? How did it turn out for you? What do I have to look forward to? What can I expect? I’m completely torn and find myself reliving this trauma now knowing I have to see him again. I’m scared for me but most of all I’m scared for my babies. He has a long history of DV. Including two charges against him with the woman he’s with now a few years ago. She stayed with him and is pushing him to fight for partial custody and now he’s found out where I live. I haven’t known peace in almost a month.