Can my husband do this? Advice please !

[Delilahsflowers]

My husband left me after 20 years of marriage.

I have checked on the internet and cannot seem to find an answer to my questions, plus I can’t afford a lawyer at present so I’m just seeing if anyone can help me clarify my concerns.

My husband is divorcing me although I don’t have the papers through yet.

I have been married for almost 20 years. I have been a stay at home mum bringing up my 3 children who are now all teenagers and 1 is 18. He walked out on us at Christmas and has just left.

My husband has now told me that he wants get a flat. He owns our marital home in his name. I am not on the mortgage. He has left me for another woman and wants to move in with her.

He is 40-50k in debt ( I did not know) and is on Debt management plan with Stepchange.

My friend tells me that my husband (who is currently living at his parents) might be able get other loans or apply to siphon off equity from the house to pay for all his rental costs, thus leaving me with nothing after or before divorce as a settlement.

My husband also says he wants me to stay in the house until the younger two children are 18. I would like to move as he has taken the car ( I can’t drive). I live in a small town with little public transport. This leaves me and my children very trapped. So where I live does not suit my needs but I know it will take time to divorce/sell etc.

My question is ; can my husband do this? Can he take equity out of the house to pay for rent and whittle down the money so I get nothing?

If he doesn’t divorce right now should I do so instead as my two children are still under 18? Would I get a better share of the house?

I really don’t know what to do. My husband has bullied and attacked ( verbally and in writing) me ever since he left. I have now stopped him from returning except for property and essential maintenance.

I believe that has had been having an affair for two years and planned his exit well in advance and researched everything he can do to keep his money. He denies it all and is blaming our own rows and me, but I know he’s lying of course.

He is trying to manipulate me . I am very unsure as to what to do. He is a high earner despite the debt, own the house and I am now in a vulnerable position. I have signed my home rights and applied for all my benefits.

Thank you ladies for any advice. I really appreciate it.

www.gov.uk/stay-in-home-during-separation-or-divorce

You need to register your interest in the property - see above. I did this for my divorce - it stopped my husband from being able to sell without my permission. I wasn't on the deeds

What I don't know is if this would stop him being able to take finance out on the property?

@welshladywhois40

https://www.gov.uk/stay-in-home-during-separation-or-divorce

You need to register your interest in the property - see above. I did this for my divorce - it stopped my husband from being able to sell without my permission. I wasn't on the deeds

What I don't know is if this would stop him being able to take finance out on the property?

I did this too as my DH is the only person named on the mortgage and as far as understand, I would be notified if he should try to get secured loans using the home as security.

You can't afford not to get a lawyer

Thank you everyone for your messages.

I have registered my home rights.

I don’t have any money for a lawyer sadly. I have enough to pay for a divorce but no money saved.

You need to beg, steal or borrow to pay at the very least for a one time consultation with an experienced family lawyer.

Gather all financial documentation, including evidence of his salary and pension.

Read up on Wikivorce and borrow books about the divorce process from the library. Read and educate yourself. Ask questions on the Wikivorce forum. Some family law firms have their own Q&A on their websites, which can get very useful.

Educate yourself and don't let him bully you in to accepting less than you are due.

Almost all solicitors offer a 30 min free, no obligation consultation. You should do this immediately.

Why not start with Rights of Women's advice line?

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/

BTW I paid £75 for a divorce solicitor so I knew what I had to do, I had a bit of plan. Can you afford that sort of money? Even if you cant get the free half an hour some offer an hour's fact finding help for a reduced price. Your situation sounds like you could easily protect yourself quite quickly or do nothing and get into a terrible mess, just as quick.

I am sorry to hear you are going through this.

Contact your local Citizen's Advice bureau. Explain your situation to them and they should be able to arrange a consultation with a solicitor for you, free of charge. I did it.

Thank you ladies for all your help.

I’ll see if I can get some advice and pay a one off fee for legal advice.

Thank you for the flowers xx

I will call Citizens Advice and Rights of Women. Wikivorce said contact some debt agencies to see what he is able to do legally on a debt management plan, so I’ll try that too.

These are excellent guides …petitioning for the divorce does not now need solicitor…cost under £600:for court fees…you can get help with that if eligible for certain benefits.

Financial agreements and child agreements need an element of solicitor s legal work. It’s up to you, and you and your stbex ability to get past anger and resentment, how much you use soliton for.

First thing is to understand what you are both entitled to…contrary to popular belief it is not a default 50:50 Starting point. There are 10 or so criteria used by the courts to define what is a “fair settlement”. Only if there is money left after fair, does the 50:50 begin to be assumed.
Read up about these urgently…at least you can then go to solicitor with your specific questions arising from this knowledge and not pay a solicitor to explain these basics to you. Remember solicitor charge roughly £200 per hour for every second they listen to you, talk to you, think about your case, let alone do actual tasks related to legal docs. Be very judicious on what you use them for to keep bills down.

These are some of the good guides to look at

1. The uk government divorce site- this includes all the processes and forms used. You need to look at financial declarations ones Form E and D81 as these are needed for whatever process you use for your financial settlement. You and stbex both have legal responsibilities to fill in and be truthful and complete. This includes all assets and debt inc. housing, pensions , savings etc
2. Mediate- good general guides
3. Advice Now- have excellent downloadable guides on how to do your financial settlement for instance. They clearly list what you must use solicitor for, what you might want to use one for, and what you don’t need one for. They cost £20 to download….but this is equivalent of ~ 5 mins of a solicitor.

I should add that if you believe your stbex has siphoned off money, you may need to use solicitors to force forensic accounting in doing D81 and form E…I don’t know much about that….

The law on divorce changed this week….look into this. 6 months minimum time. From when you apply you have minimum of 20 weeks before you need your financial agreement ready for the courts.

Remember, financial settlement are independent of the divorce petition although are “sealed” at the Final. And behaviour of either party was never taken into account by courts in financial settlements even on grounds of adultery or unreasonable behaviour or even abuse. With the divorce law change the courts will not even know about any blame- 1 single reason for divorce now - irrecoverable breakdown of the marriage.

Thank you everyone- some great help here. I’ll read it all through and work on if all.

Thank you especially MayMorris- I appreciate your time and post. I’ll check out all the links.