Childs father refusing to give me a direct contact number

Chantelle2019 · 2022-03-25T23:22:00+00:00

Hi guys just need some advice... My child's father is refusing to give me his direct contact number for himself. He has said he has a direct contact number and this will be his girlfriends number. He stated I will have to go through his girlfriends number to contact him if there is any concerns regarding our child and if there was to be an emergency. What do I do in this situation?

pastabest · 25/03/2022 23:27

Nothing. He's told you how to contact him, you might not like it but he is entitled to decide who has his contact details and presumably his GF will pass the messages on to him.

Women on here are often advised to do similar or only provide an email address when their exs continue to send them e.g harassing or abusive messages.

herecomesthehotsteppa · 25/03/2022 23:29

If you feel awkward going through the gf perhaps you could ask him for an email address to be making arrangements and then just use her number for emergencies.

Lou98 · 25/03/2022 23:34

@pastabest

Nothing. He's told you how to contact him, you might not like it but he is entitled to decide who has his contact details and presumably his GF will pass the messages on to him.

Women on here are often advised to do similar or only provide an email address when their exs continue to send them e.g harassing or abusive messages.

This^

Why is it he doesn't want to give you his direct number? There must be a history there.

If you're not comfortable going through the gf then you can ask for an email or someone else but ultimately he has given you a way to contact him whether you agree with it or not

Afan · 25/03/2022 23:38

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Original poster

Chantelle2019 · 25/03/2022 23:43

Co parenting and communication was going great prior his new partner. After getting with his new partner a few months in he stated that she was very insecure and paranoid that me and him were going to get back together this was not the case as I am in a committed relationship have been for nearly 2 years, he also stated that she didn't like how well me and him got on. I wouldn't mind going through his partner but the nature of the relationship is very on and off and I do not feel that having to go through his partner to reach him is not a stable form of contact due to the relationship they have.

OP posts:

thenewduchessoflapland · 25/03/2022 23:45

@Chantelle2019

Co parenting and communication was going great prior his new partner. After getting with his new partner a few months in he stated that she was very insecure and paranoid that me and him were going to get back together this was not the case as I am in a committed relationship have been for nearly 2 years, he also stated that she didn't like how well me and him got on. I wouldn't mind going through his partner but the nature of the relationship is very on and off and I do not feel that having to go through his partner to reach him is not a stable form of contact due to the relationship they have.

So the new partner is jealous and controlling?

Original poster

Chantelle2019 · 25/03/2022 23:48

I have also offered to give him a spare phone and the money to get a new sim card so I have a direct contact number for him and this number is only to be used just for when he has contact with our child and then switched off when he doesnt have contact but he has refused and said I have to go through his partners number to contact him.

OP posts:

Icanflyhigh · 25/03/2022 23:50

ExH only has DH contact details now. Works for us - messages get through and I don't get abuse.

pumpkinpie01 · 25/03/2022 23:51

Well he's got himself a very paranoid gf there , just smile and say ' ok then ' it's weird but it's not your problem .

HeddaGarbled · 26/03/2022 10:25

I’d just stop communicating until he comes to his senses.

RedHelenB · 26/03/2022 12:01

@Chantelle2019

I have also offered to give him a spare phone and the money to get a new sim card so I have a direct contact number for him and this number is only to be used just for when he has contact with our child and then switched off when he doesnt have contact but he has refused and said I have to go through his partners number to contact him.

So listen to him and do as requested. Having a separate phone isn't a good option when he already has a paranoid girlfriend. How old is the child?

Original poster

Chantelle2019 · 26/03/2022 12:31

Our child is 2 years old.

OP posts:

OhNoWhatYouGonnaDo · 30/03/2022 17:29

I'd just go along with it. He's entitled not to want to give you his number. I agree with others who have suggested that a compromise might be asking to agree future contact arrangements via email, and just using his partner's number for emergencies.

Turningpurple · 30/03/2022 17:48

Exh did this when he was with his first girlfriend post split. I went along with it. She soon got bored of

'You forgot his school coat when you dropped him off Sunday. You need to drop it off at school for him please'

But then they split and she still stalks my Instagram now. Lots of the same issues. Her obsessed I wanted him back. I presume that's what he told her and it backfired on him.

Viviennemary · 30/03/2022 17:55

You cannot force him to give you his number. I would refuse to contact him through his girlfriend. Up to him what he does next. Or give him a number to contact you and say its your new boyfriend's.

Fernandina · 30/03/2022 17:57

@Chantelle2019

Our child is 2 years old.

In that case, no direct phone number, no child.

FelicityPike · 30/03/2022 17:59

@Fernandina That’s a ridiculous stance.

BlanketsBanned · 30/03/2022 18:02

All you can do so is sent her a text asking for him to contact you, try and set up wattsapp so you have proof the msg was delivered and read.

Lou98 · 30/03/2022 20:40

@Fernandina it's not just her child, he has rights.
It's also not fair to use the child as a pawn in that way - what ridiculous advice.

gonnabeok · 30/03/2022 20:59

Just set up an email address and put all contact through that.

Pinkyxx · 01/04/2022 23:07

Assuming Op is not spamming her ex non-stop with abusive / inappropriate messages it is reasonable to expect parents to communicate and it's not unreasonable to provide a contact number. The child is very young so for the child's sake it's important that Op and her ex have a healthy co-parenting relationship. It's not Op's problem if the gf is insecure, and Op would be wise to stay well out of that drama if she is. That's her ex's problem to manage, not hers.

I would not agree to parent through a proxy & refused to do so when my ex's gf insisted on this. I had to block her on all forms of digital communication in the end (including my work email) due to abusive messages... it's not drama anyone needs, especially the child.