Accused of manipulation

[Designa]

Hello,

I am going through a divorce. We are still living together with our two boys. I live upstairs in one room. The boys like to spend time upstairs with me because their dad is very strict and stressed all the time.

My soon to be ex husband is constantly accusing me of manipulating rhe children and turning them against him. I never speak about him to the boys. The boys witness him shouting at me and criticising me all the time. He is saying he is reporting me to social services, the police and his solicitor. I'm not sure if there is anything I can do to ensure my side of this is heard.

The police won't care at all.

Social Services might if they think children are at risk of harm but I suspect they will be too busy and this will be seen as a standard family breakdown.

This sounds like "legal and administrative aggression" tends to happen to dads but I suspect he is losing control so will look to triangulate services against you. I feel for you it's a relatively unknown and very traumatic form of abuse.

Hopefully you can get out soon.

Thank you. I have recordings of him shouting at me and accusing me. It's obviously harder to prove I haven't done something.

Any chance of moving out sooner into your own space?

Have you thought of keeping a diary? I did a daily diary for the near 2 years that we lived together following separation - I noted if he swore at them, lack of engagement etc. It was a really horrible time.

I hope you can get out quickly.

I have taken yo recording every time I go near him or he comes upstairs so have a log if everything. I'm just so worried he will be believed. He's already turned friends and family against me by getting them to believe that I have been abusing him emotionally for years.

I can't move. I don't have family that I speak to near. He has just resigned as a director of our shared business without notice, leaving me with a load of debt and massive financial commitments.

Unfortunately I think you need to prepare for the worst here - abusive & controlling men up the ante around the time you leave.

Women's Aid can offer support.

And a solicitor for the legal side of things.

Where in the UK are you?

Why are you living in one room though. Sounds a really unhealthy dynamic for the children. Either you need to leave or he does, those poor kids being brought up in such a toxic atmosphere that their parents can't share a space. Honestly, that needs to be your number 1 priority.

Log the verbal abuse with the police non emergency numbers. Get it recorded.

Is he abusive towards the children?

@Skeptadad - I'll leave this link here for OP - she is a woman experiencing domestic abuse from a man.

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/domestic-abuse-is-a-gendered-crime/

I'm living in one room as I have tried to rent places. I have no proof of income because I had a couple of years off of work to himeeducate our boys. I've just started a new business but only have 2 months books. There is a real shortage of rental properties here and I'm always bottom of the list. He refuses to leave. The best solution I could work out was to separate myself by keeping upstairs. We both work from home so the atmosphere is horrible.

@Designa

I'm living in one room as I have tried to rent places. I have no proof of income because I had a couple of years off of work to himeeducate our boys. I've just started a new business but only have 2 months books. There is a real shortage of rental properties here and I'm always bottom of the list. He refuses to leave. The best solution I could work out was to separate myself by keeping upstairs. We both work from home so the atmosphere is horrible.

But it doesn't sound much like a solution. Is your current house rented or owned?

It's owned. He had been offered rental properties from friends but refuses to leave. His priority had always been money and now he won't leave the house as he thinks I will then get to keep it until my children turn 18

[quote LargeProsecco]@Skeptadad - I'll leave this link here for OP - she is a woman experiencing domestic abuse from a man.

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/domestic-abuse-is-a-gendered-crime/[/quote]
I'll leave this here for Large Procescco:

domesticviolenceresearch.org/domestic-violence-facts-and-statistics-at-a-glance/

Meta analysis of 1,700 peer reviewed articles.

"Among large population samples, 57.9% of IPV reported was bi-directional, 42% unidirectional; 13.8% of the unidirectional violence was male to female (MFPV), 28.3% was female to male (FMPV)"