Non Mol order rules

[mummybearsolo]

Can anybody clarify some rules of a non molestation order. I have the order against my ex so obviously we cannot communicate with each other but wondering if I can message his family. I was quite close with his mum and sister and would really like to send them photographs and messages of our new baby or even for them to come and meet her. I believe my ex has told them they are not allowed to contact me but surely the order is only against him? I just feel really sad that his mum has not seen her grandchildren. We are also going through the courts for his child access (even though I have never stopped him) so it's all a bit of a mess.

I'm not sure so hopefully someone will tell you soon. But if you have a non mol is it really a good idea?

I don't think his family are actually talking to him because they're are so upset with what he is doing. I think meeting up is probably not good idea really as could aggravate him, but I'd really like to send photos for them.

It is difficult to answer without knowing the terms of the order. Generally though it applies to him not you, so you can contact who you like.

I had one of these against my ex and funnily enough he also told his family they couldn’t contact me.

It doesn’t apply to his family. So you and his mum could message, call each other, meet up, she can come round to your house. Whatever you want. The order probably states he can’t contact you directly or indirectly. The only time that would affect his family is if his mum for example sent you a message saying “ex is asking me to ask you whatever”. Then he would be contacting you indirectly.

Just from personal experience though be careful with his family. I’ve worked out who in my exes family I can have a somewhat relationship with. His mum was telling him things, when I bought my car, when I met someone else, etc and then I also found out she was trying to encourage my eldest daughter to see him speak to him when a court order clearly states he can’t. So just be careful

Thank you for that. I do think it would probably hard not to discuss things if I met up in person so prob a bad idea, but I would really like to send photos as they're missing out on so much. If there's a paper trail as well, surely that would protect us both if he was to say I was sending abuse etc. The whole situation is ridiculous and I'm sure he just enjoys the drama. So frustrating. X

What are the conditions of the non mol? Sending pictures will be fine regardless unless it states you cannot contact his family

If the non mol is against him then you are fine to contact his family.

He can not use them to get messages to you so they are probably wary of contacting you incase that's how it looks but I am sure they would be glad of a photo.

Keep it about the baby only and don't tell them anything about yourself.

Unless family are specified exactly in the non-mol, there's absolutely nothing stopping you or then from contacting you.

This is complicated because the order will state that ex is now allowed to contact you directly which means messsge call turn up at your house, and he’s not allowed to contact you indirectly, meaning he can’t ask anyone else to contact you, is this order with the power of arrest? Are you being to peruse it when his mum says awww my sons desperate for pictures, soon as she mentions her son it is breaching the order. If she wasn’t going too, then it wills be ok, if they simply just want to be part of the child’s life.
But will they worry your also not allowed to contact them because of the order and report you for sending a messsge? As you can’t get an order again someone where tbey will be arrested for speaking to you, then you go up to their door asking them stuff, obviously you can’t breach the other either. So speaking to someone who is directly his family is a bit risky. Do you have a Caffcass or social worker you can ask about this?

Why is he taking you to court if you are allowing access? Not many dads go to court for babies. I did. Is he using the process to get at you? Or is he one of the few men that like hanging out with young children. I am not being sarcastic, that is me. I think most of my male friends think I am bonkers.

If you want his mum to be involved why nor arrange a handover with paternal grandmother or ex's sister? As you said you aren't trying to deny access.

@Nikki037297 thank you. I see your point. He can get arrested if he breaches the terms. It states that he must not intimidate, bully or harass and that he mustn't instruct anyone else to do so either. It also says that he can't communicate via call, text, social media etc but it doesn't mention family. I would just really like to keep his family updated on our baby and really wouldn't mind if they passed on photos / information to him about her. I was really close to them before all this and it seems so unfair that he's managed to divide us all. Cafcass are involved but not had much to do with them just yet. I'll try asking them at their next call. Thank you x

@Skeptadad I've no idea why he's taking me to court for this, I think he's just trying to get at me any way he can. He's also demanding a dna test for our second baby when he knows full well he is the father. I said that he could take our daughter out when he likes to begin with but asked that he collect her with his mum as he verbally abused me and kicked off every time he came to the house on his own. He then refused to visit with his mum and then would arrange times abc not turn up. The last time he visited the house he turned up with a load of mates kicking off to empty the house and the police ended up coming. That's when we had to put the non mol in place. We have offered access using his mum since via solicitors but he refused and decided to go through courts which is now prolonging time till he next sees her. I don't understand the logic

Surely a good relationship with his mother would make his access to baby easier as there would be some one who could do handovers etc?

I know. I really don't understand why he's being this way. Every little thing he's making hard for me. It's so exhausting! I haven't even done anything wrong. It was him that was going out drinking and not coming home for days, texting other women and lying about it and then being really verbally abusive and controlling. I don't think he likes that I've been standing up for myself.

He sounds like a nightmare.

If I were you I would send a couple of invitations to his mum so you can evidence you haven't tried to frustrate contract (if you haven't already evidenced this). I always think it's telling when a mum (predominately) tries to engage with paternal family, after all, they can't all be bad. The ones that block all of the paternal family, to my mind are more likely to demonstrating isolationary practices.

Reading between the lines he sounds annoyed and is doing this to upset you. He doesn't sound like he has much interest in his daughter sadly. Given daughters age if it goes the course he will likely have reduced time owing to daughters age. You have to be pretty dedicated as a dad to look after small children and might struggle to put her needs above hers.

Hope things work out for you sounds a difficult situation.

@Skeptadad thank you for your advice. I think it will be going to courts, I just hope he gets supervised visits if anything. He's currently living with a friend so hadn't got anywhere to take our daughter for overnight stays thank god. Someone that drinks in his local pub told me that he appears to be taking coke with his friends most nights when he's in so that would explain the personality change and irrational crazy behaviour. Do you know if I can request drugs tests? Not that it would probably make much difference,

You can request a drugs test. He will have to pay half (usually) and can decline but if he does then it won't look good.

Be careful you can substantiate allegations because if too many tick up then it won't look good. I think my drugs testing coming back negative + a wild allegation that I was a pedophile set the scene in the end for my ex and she lost all credibility.

Your ex will probably have supervised visits if you are making allegations but unless he is a total nightmare that won't be forever and you will have to be in contact with your ex for the next 18/21 years about your daughter. If you are making allegations make sure they are true.

Unless you have savings you will be entitled to a legal aid solicitor as you have a non-mol.

Follow the legal queen on Instagram. If you send her a question by direct message she replies to you and she's a family solicitor that does some tik toks explain these issues :)

Hi yeah i have an undertaking against my ex husband it was his birthday today so i sent him a card of line which literally states to Dad happy birthday from Jacob. Is this a breach?