Divorce questions on assets/rights/fml

[Warpedfish]

Found out OH has been having an affair. We have a young child.

I can't forgive him obvs so we're having a divorce.

He wants to go 50/50 on the house (in his name which I'm told doesn't matter. HR1 filed). But I am wondering if any of you guys have managed to get a higher percentage?

I gave up my career to look after our son, I went part time to save money on childcare and also because I didn't want him in childcare all the time. At the beginning of the marriage I earned more than my husband and now his salary is almost double mine (hence being able to afford spending £300 pn on a fancy hotel with mistress).

Am I entitled to a higher share for this reason?

I had a quick chat with a lawyer and she said divorce decisions all come down to needs. How do you justify your needs are higher. I probably don't need a 3 bed house with a garden but I don't really want to live in a tiny flat with my son, which is all we will be able to afford. Unless we move out of the area, and change schools etc.

It's partly revenge, wanting him to suffer financially, but also my rights and having a better life for my son. How do you justify a higher % from a legal pov?

His parents are so rich they could afford to just buy him a flat so he'll never be poor. I don't have family.

Revenge won’t get you far other than wasting time and money on solicitors

Considerations will be based on

Ages
Length of marriage
Earnings and potential - eg you can go back full time to your previous career ?
Assets available
Needs and housing of minors
Child arrangements eg is one parent having child 90% or will it be more 50:50
Etc

You won’t get more as a punishment for him

A solicitor will be able to assess what could be achieved based on your own set of circumstances

You are going to be co-parenting for the rest of your life so step back from revenge and focus on what's best for your child.

Your child will not feel it is fair if one parents home and lifestyle is significantly different from the other.

The finances should ensure that both parents are adequately housed with sufficient space to accommodate the child.

But in order to be fair and balanced then they need to ensure that future spending capacity is considered too. The fact that it will take some time to get your career back on track should be taken into account and if there is sufficient funds then may mean you need a little more than him.

What is the situation with pensions? if he has a much higher paid role he may have a much larger pension too. Sometimes people choose to take more capital now, to afford a better house, instead of taking future benefits of pension split. However you need to factor in your future lifestyle and will need to work hard to make up a decent pension pot in the future.

I'm sorry it is still raw at the moment, hopefully that gets better. Try not to forget you'll have future occasions where for your child's benefit you will need to be able to be in the same room together without making it uncomfortable for the child. Think about:
School plays, birthday parties, if the child was in the hospital, school award ceremonies, graduation, their wedding, future grandchildren's christening etc.

Revenge may feel sweet at the moment but choose your battles for things that are really worth it with your child and their future in mind

Would the stbExH let you stay in the house if you can afford the mortgage. You may get to live there and not sell up immediatly, until the child is 18, but he will always have a financial stake in some of the house.

The fact is when it comes to the division of finances, the Courts/Judge will not consider the reasons for the marriage breakdown anyway. As your lawyer has correctly pointed out the needs of the parties will be considered which basically means adequate provision for your young child which includes housing and whether you would need to move out of the area which would mean moving schools and obviously no one wants to impose disruption if it can be avoided so you could argue you would need a a higher % of the house value in order to afford to stay in the area especially since you have given up work to be primary carer for your child. You will be expected to return to work maybe part time at first and then full time once your child is older.

You should get a higher child maintenance amount if he is a high earner and ask for provision to include uni fees and perhaps a trust fund for your child's future. You also have the right to a share of his pension and spousal support I believe. You might as well start at the max. But it all depends on exactly what you and your husband have in assets/savings/investments etc and you both will need to disclose everything. Your lawyer will be able to advise what would be possible to ask for legally. Then it's negotiation and hopefully an agreement that is fair to both (if not the Judge will not pass the financial agreement and will send it back for you both to re-discuss which will obviously cause delays and cost more).

His future potential inheritance is irrelevant.

You've posted twice ?

As others have said, you need to put aside your desire for revenge. The courts won't be interested in that. It is about your needs and your son's needs. You may be able to get more than 50% of the house. It is also possible you could get an order allowing you to stay in the house until your son is older. But no-one on here can tell you what you are likely to get. You need to consult a solicitor properly. Once they are in possession of all the facts, they will be able to give you an idea of the likely outcome.

So my ex cheated , had a 3 month affair and then gaslighted me for 6 months until I believed everything was my fault, he has divorced me through county court but not asked for anything, is he still entitled to half my house ? I owned it before I met him but we increased the mortgage for home improvement when we got together and yes I added his name to the mortgage for this purpose, tia for any help

@kellsmith - As you were married he is entitled to a financial settlement, but no-one can say what that would look like on the information you have posted. Consult a solicitor.

My daughter got 70% of equity of the house and a share of pension.

It depends on many things including length of marriage (time living together is often added) and difference in earning power, amongst other things. The most important thing is that any children don't suffer from the split of assets.