Mediation before baby is born?

[fejkalove]

Hello,

Just after some advice as can't get any from CAB on a Sunday....

To summarise; I'm currently 5 months pregnant and my ex is being unreasonable regarding wanting to talk to discuss visitation rights etc when child is born. He has insisted he will be instructing a solicitor this week so that we can go to mediation and put a plan in place for when the baby is born. He knows I cannot afford a solicitor and will now do everything possible to stress me out. He also believes he's entitled to be present at the birth etc which I've told him is my decision.
I just wanted to know if it's possible to put in an agreement on visitation before a child is even born? I plan on BF and he will be expecting to have the baby overnight ASAP.

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/

Then you can act upon competent advice and accurate information, rather than threats, fear and misinformation.

Ironically we were planning on getting back together and this argument began because I had said the baby would not have only his surname

Sounds like this is just petty games then.

I’m assuming you won’t ever be getting back with him now?

How often does your DD see him?

You can refuse him in the delivery room but you could say he can wait outside until you’ve given birth so he can see his baby when they’re newly born.

As PPs have said just say you will sort out visitation once the baby is born then ignore. as you’ll be breastfeeding and you have no idea if they baby will accept a bottle of expressed milk anyway.

I can see this leading to him having to stay yours the night - don’t let him.

Maybe it wasn’t clear in my message but I was talking about if the mother ignores a court order. That in effect the court can do very little as the usual ways of punishing someone for breaking a court order is fines (will take resources away from the child), community service (will take mother away from child) or - in extreme cases - prison (will take mother away from child).

It is true that the courts are slow to enforce Child Arrangements Orders but that is not the same as saying they never do so. One of the things they can do is to change the CAO by, for example, changing who the child lives with.

@prh47bridge

Maybe it wasn’t clear in my message but I was talking about if the mother ignores a court order. That in effect the court can do very little as the usual ways of punishing someone for breaking a court order is fines (will take resources away from the child), community service (will take mother away from child) or - in extreme cases - prison (will take mother away from child).

It is true that the courts are slow to enforce Child Arrangements Orders but that is not the same as saying they never do so. One of the things they can do is to change the CAO by, for example, changing who the child lives with.

I don't plan on ignoring a court order; I just wanted to know if we could attend court prior to the baby being born (which I don't want to happen).

As per my earlier answer, no you can't. He cannot start proceedings until after your baby is born.

no he cant.

you are not in the same country now as him?

move very far away, block him, give baby your surname. end of.

let him find you

No you can't be taken to court for a baby that doesn't exist yet. So don't worry about that. Ignore him.

If he has been abusive, mediation would be inappropriate anyway. And I'd bet that the sort of man who makes the mother of his unborn child homeless is abusive.
You don't have to agree anything now, you don't have to speak to him at all. If you wanted to be civil, you could just say that in view of the circumstances you feel that it's best to avoid stress right now and you will contact him once the baby is born, and would prefer that he does not contact you.

What's wrong with wanting a plan in place?

I started proceedings when daughter was 5 months old.

Usual nonsense I read about courts not caring about alienation.

Ex was threatened with an interim care order when daughter was 1 for ignoring court orders. We now have 50/50 shared care. I suspect I will have residency before her 4th birthday.

If I were you I would avoid all the toxic nonscence about exclusion and not putting on the birth certificate:

1. A child has TWO parents
2. If you go down the route of not including, birth certificate drama, restricting access you will be writing your ex partners narrative for him.

Be very careful if you go down the path of false allegations and alienation. I know a few dads that have done very well in court against individuals like that. You need to demonstrate that you are keen for your ex to have a relationship with your child (unless you have true safeguarding concerns). After all, its' likely what your child would want.

After all, its' likely what your child would want.

Did you miss that there is no child yet?

I’m unsure why you would not put in place a plan for the father to have contact with his child. If the father is abusive then I understand but if you have just gone your separate ways then why not have this in place from the start. The child will have a bond with its mother and father and will benefit from this.

I’d expect that their situation will have moved on since January 2022 - this is an old thread.

I suggest do not speak to him and ignore all the solicitor rubbish. Nothing needs to happen until after the birth and ultimately if you don't agree he will have,to go to court. I do suggest you keep evidence of some of this attempt to control you though. I suggest you reply once to say you do not wish to discuss anything until after the birth and you have recovered enough to discuss. Also advise him not to contact you or call at your house.

Solicitors as someone else said can only advise him and yes can write expensive letters but not much use at this stage.

As for being at the birth. Laughable and controlling

Ignore realised is a zombie thread