Is there any way out of this consent order?

[coffeerevelsrock]

We divorced about 5 years ago after an 8 year marriage and about 10 years together. I had always been the breadwinner but ex was very clear that he didn’t want to be the rp and had already moved out of the family home 2 years before. We went through mediation and the consent order was that I had to buy him out of the house to the maximum I could borrow at the time (he got about £13k and paid my solicitor fees of about £1k as he had had an affair) and then give him a further £10k when our youngest dc is 21. Ex was always adamant he wanted none of my pension, which is quite a good one. My solicitor at the time said that what he had got amounted to about 50% of our assets, though I’m not entirely sure whether or not that included the pension, as that was put on my forms despite him not wanting it.

Since then he has paid very little CM, and most of the time none, but has been consistent in having the dc 4 nights per fortnight, though this has become a little less since Covid. He has also inherited a large sum (about £200k) and is likely to inherit similar or more in a few years. He buys nothing for the dc, ever. CMS said that when he inherited he should have cleared his arrears, but since he didn’t and has now bought a house there’s nothing they can do. He plans to sell up and move abroad when the dc come of age – no plans to give the dc anything.

I know his inheritances are nothing to do with me. I know I will never get him to pay anything like a reasonable amount of CM. I know he is usually cash poor (spent most of his inheritance on a house, doesn’t work much). But it is bothering me more and more that I am going to have to hand him over £10k in about 8 years’ time. I plan to try and raise it with him but in the event that he won’t budge, is there anything I can do about it? It feels like I’m saving for him instead of the dc and it just stink. Is there any alternative?

Not a lawyer.

I think you could reasonably deduct the unpaid child maintenance...which would add up to a very large proportion of the £10k, I am thinking?

My understanding is that a Consent Order is a legally binding contract that can't be changed. I'm not a solicitor though.

Unfortunately CMS has no bearing on the Consent Order.

I wish. I had to give exH £32k when I bought him out of the house and he moans that I haven't given him £5k yet. It's in the CO that he gets that when our youngest child turns 18 or leaves FTE. She's currently 9 but apparently I 'should' give it to him now If I could reduce it by the amount of CM owed his non-payment would be easier to swallow.

OP I have read many versions of this posted by you for a number of months.

The only grievance you can really pursue is the arrears of CMS. How significant is that amount? This is the only thing he really owes you as you are divorced and the consent order is agreed.

All his other decisions and actions, even in regard to parenting, are beyond your control or influence. The best thing you can do is let them go. Otherwise you are just letting his decisions eat away at you and feed your anger when you can do nothing about it.

If you believe he is a deadbeat then that’s enough. But you are not going to change him and you don’t have any say in his decision to be that deadbeat.

You cannot get the consent order changed on the basis of him owing money to CMS. There is nothing in your post that suggest you have any grounds for getting the order changed.

Thanks all.

Yes, I've posted about this several times over the last 6 months or so but not on this forum. I'm trying to move away from venting to seeing if there might be a legal route to take. It seems not so I will need to accept that. While I totally see why consent orders are set in stone, I don't understand why it seems there is no legal route to take when someone doesn't pay CM. Him being low paid is one thing and I can see why he can't be legally obliged to get a better job/work more, but I don't really see why his arrears couldn't be deducted from the £10k. I get that they can't be. but how unfair is that? If I don't pay him he can take me to court and I understand I would be charged interest at 8%, but him not paying for his kids - nothing happens?! And will these arrears be written off after 6 years like other debts? Also, me losing my job/becoming ill - I'd still have to pay, but him not paying what he should - he still gets his pay out.

Okay, but if that's it, that's it.

TBF, I'd be more worried about him and your pension.

@LuluBlakey1

TBF, I'd be more worried about him and your pension.

There should be no worries about that. The consent order should have dismissed all financial claims, so he cannot now make a claim against the OP's pension.

I’m in a completely different jurisdiction, but in mine, you can make a claim in court against him for CM arrears. That debt never goes away. So basically, when it comes time to pay him the 10k, you could also file a claim for your arrears and the court would balance the two debts and then the person owing more would pay the remainder.

@Blossom64265

I’m in a completely different jurisdiction, but in mine, you can make a claim in court against him for CM arrears. That debt never goes away. So basically, when it comes time to pay him the 10k, you could also file a claim for your arrears and the court would balance the two debts and then the person owing more would pay the remainder.

The OP has gone through the CMS. He owes money to the CMS, not to the OP. She cannot claim against him. It is up to the CMS to enforce the debt, not the OP.

Yes, that's what I find maddeningly unfair. It seems that the CMS is completely toothless unless it comes to blocking the claimant, as in my case. Then it's a great big brick wall that can't be surmounted.

And there's no comeback for him having the money to pay the arrears for a bit and not declaring it but buying a house instead?

And he's on benefits - apparently £260 per month he says. What would that be for? He can't claim for housing now obviously. And of he was claiming while in possession of the £200k, that's wrong? And can you just be long term unemployed now? I thought that wasn't really impossible anymore and you were pressured into work?

Wasn't really possible.

If hegets and spends the money within a certain time period (houses are an acceptable expense) then he gets to keep the money the £260 a month sounds like new style jsa is he working at all?