Hi please could I have some advice about divorce

[2anddone]

Hi
Xh and I were together 15 years before we separated in 2013.

We have 2dc who are now 16 and 13 (they were 7 and 4 when we separated). The separation was xh idea and at the time I was crushed for both myself and my children, he had cheated on me a lot and therefore the relationship had trust issues as well as him being financially abusive which I didn't realise at the time.

In the almost 9 years since we have separated we have never discussed divorce (mainly because I know my xmil will turn everything nasty, she has refused to see the children since he moved out claiming it's my fault). Until lockdown in March 2020 he used to come for tea twice a week to see dc (they wouldn't go out with him or stay at his) and used to come 'home' for Christmas every year until Christmas 2020 when I managed to break the cycle.

We own a house together and since we separated have both continued to pay into the joint account each month (him £680 me £40) to pay the mortgage, he doesn't give me any cm as he pays into the joint account, he doesn't help with any other costs towards raising our children (I am aware I have it luckier than most).

I work as a childminder as I couldn't afford to pay for childcare for 2 children on what I would earn going out to work and I have now got a log cabin in the garden which I run my business out of. The business isn't well paid (I made £7000 profit last year). Xh has worked at the same company for 20 years and has a pension etc....I do not, when we were together I tried to get other jobs but he made me feel so guilty for getting jobs which meant our children went into childcare that I gave up and became a childminder.

He now sees the children once a month for 2 hours and they sit in silence as he doesn't know what to say to them, I am not worried AT ALL about him trying for custody especially the age they are now!

Being realistic I think he is going to ask for a divorce in the next couple of years, does anyone have any idea what I might be entitled to in the divorce? I am worried the court will make me sell the house which has my business in the garden (the house has £110,000 left to pay on the mortgage and is probably worth £220,000). Would I be able to claim for any of his pension, I am guessing it will be a large one as he has been at the company so long.

Not going to lie I am scared that I am going to end up homeless with no money as soon as my youngest turns 18. Any advice would be very gratefully received.

Thank you and sorry it's so long but didn't want to drip feed and wanted to give all information possible.

OP, the information you need is beyond the scope of most people on this board.

There are some complex legal aspects - your business at home for one, and your rights to a % of his pension.

Please see a solicitor ASAP and do not discuss anything with your exH until you have 'all your ducks in a row'.

Now that your kids don't need childcare, wouldn't you be better off with another type of job - e..g you could be a TA or work in a nursery with your experience or something else entirely? Is 7k a year really worth it? I can see that it was when your kids were young but is it now?

Suspect that you would be awarded more than 50% of the house and a % of his pension but if you can't mortgage enough that might still involve selling the house so disentangling your income from the house seems sensible

If you want proper advice you need to consult a solicitor. The house, his pension and any other assets will go into the pot to be split between you, but no-one on here can say what that split is likely to look like. The courts will want to be sure that everyone has a roof over their heads, particularly the children.

You dont want to continue in a situation where you are covering all the childrens costs & ex covers the mortgage yet he will be effectively getting his money back on the sale of the property.

That would still be the case if he gave her that money in cash and she used ot to pay the mortgage.

Depends a lot on what age you both are. Every divorce is different so there might be circumstances unique to you that have to be taken into consideration, but as a rule of thumb it goes something like this:

Under 50 - You'll probably get more of the assets in order to house your younger child (somewhere between 60-40 to 70-30 in your favour depending on the income differential between you. 80-20 in extreme circumstances where he earns enough to "catch up" by retirement age, because remember the outcome of divorce has to be fair. The higher earner might be expected to level with the lower earner, but they would never be expected to rent for the rest of their lives so that the lower earner was able to be a property owner). Depending on the equity and other capital assets, there might be a Mesher Order or you might be awarded all the equity and this would be offset by something else in his favour like a pension. In terms of maintenance, this probably wouldn't be very generous unless he was on a 6 figure salary. You might get something for a couple of years whilst you adjust but you'll be expected to maximise your earning capacity. With children of 16 and 13 that will mean at least working full time for minimum wage (about £18k a year from April 2022).

Somewhere over 50 things change because you have less time to establish a career and he has less time to level up the capital assets because you're both closer to retirement. A Mesher Order also becomes a really bad idea for both of you because you will very soon find yourself having to give him his stake of the equity when you might not be able to get a very long mortgage and he will similarly find himself unable to get any mortgage until it's too late to buy. It becomes better for you both to downsize and own separately and deal with the cramped conditions until your kids move out.

The likely outcome now is that you'll get closer to a 50/50 split in assets (including pensions) and maintenance until he retires (assuming he can afford to pay it).

Thank you everyone you have put my mind at rest that I won't be homeless. I am currently 44 and he is 45, assuming he waits until dd is 18 we would be 49 and 50.

To the previous poster who asked about changing my job now the dc no longer need childcare, I agree that I could however I do enjoy my job, love the freedom of being self employed, have a good reputation and love that I am still available for my children should they need me to be much easier than if I was employed and had to ask permission to have a day off. I would definitely look at changing my job if I had no alternative though.

Have a chat with solicitor for free first 30 mins. However, in reality if the house has £110k equity and he has a (probably modest) pension, be aware that spending £350 plus vat per hour on a solicitors will soon eat into any capital.

The big question is whether he will argue assets should be valued from when you split v when you divorce

With your childminding is it £7K after you have paid yourself a wage or your total income is £7K. If it is xx a total income you need to take a close look at your business structure as it is really not working well.

Honesty you need to start supporting yourself properly. A nice little job that earns you pocket money is lovely if you have a rich partner ready to support you, it's not realistic when you are a Single person with kids to support. You need to sort a proper job ASAP

Why are you waiting for him to initiate the divorce ?
I agree you need to get a job. £7000 is not enough.