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Divorce and expectation of my payment towards a build, before we got married!

25 replies

TherapyClient · 18/12/2021 14:20

After dating for 2 months, my then boyfriend began extensive building work and couldn't live in his house anymore. He didn't want to move back home so I let him into my 1 bed mortgaged property. This was when he paid the first instalment of the costs to the builder.

He lived there with me for a year, without paying toward the mortgage or bills, and without helping with any housework. Totally free.

We then moved into his refurbished house and he paid the final bill. Some of the money was gifted from his parents to pay for this. I wasn't asked to pay anything as I was living off benefits due to ill health. I was also pregnant with his child.

I paid for costs of things like our shared car insurance, MOT, services, etc, furniture and furnishings in every room of the house, pet insurance and food, vet fees etc, new baby equipment, cleaner, all of it. He was mortgage free so just paid for utilities. I paid for the flat mortgage alone still, though used the rent money for this.

Eventually, some years later, long after the build was done and paid for, we got married.

And now he is claiming that our divorce should not be 50:50 split on the house, partly because of his family involvement in buying the house, and partly because I paid nothing towards the build costs.

Does he have a leg to stand on? I do have my own solicitor it I don't want to keep pestering her every time he brings up something new like this. But I will admit I am
losing sleep over it.

I feel so vulnerable with my disability, now that I can't earn and pay my way in life like I used to. I just wondered if anyone had any expertise that could help me with this.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 18/12/2021 14:38

without helping with any housework

That, right there, should be a sign, a big, neon lit up sign, that this is not a good relationship.

You don't have to stay in any relationship which is not working for you.

Sorry, just seen you are divorcing. Of course, he is not suddenly going to treat you decently. Im afraid it's common that one partner tries to make a case that you are not entitled to anything.

The starting point on allocating the assets of the marriage will be the needs to any children.

How long have you been married?

TherapyClient · 18/12/2021 15:46

Over 10 years

OP posts:
TherapyClient · 18/12/2021 15:47

It infuriates me that solicitors go along with the idea that one person gets very little. If that's not achievable, why do they even bother? Surely they have a reputation to uphold!

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 18/12/2021 16:14

Over ten years is considered a 'long' marriage, so the default split will be 50:50 of the marital assets, with the primary consideration that any children of the marriage are housed and fed.

Good luck.

bonetiredwithtwins · 18/12/2021 16:15

It's a difficult one isn't it? I personally would agree with your DH that you aren't entitled to 50/50 as you haven't contributed towards the house cost at all. Fixtures and fittings costs isn't the same as contributing towards the bricks and mortar cost.

That being said he should compensate you for the year he lived at yours rent free But sounds like it was decades ago so might appear rather tit for tat?

You living mortgage free with DH enabled you to rent out your own property and have the tenants pay your mortgage on that. Have you sold it since? What happened to the money?

Unfortunately rightly or wrongly your disability isn't his financial responsibility and I don't believe he has any legal obligation to give you half a house you haven't paid for to enable you to support yourself? You would need to claim the necessary benefits etc

prh47bridge · 18/12/2021 16:35

Please ignore bonetiredwithtwins. Their "advice" is not in line with the law.

You were married for 10 years. This is a long marriage. The time you cohabited before you were married also counts towards the length of the marriage, so it was even longer than 10 years. He won't get a larger slice of the assets just because you didn't contribute towards the cost of building the house.

Also, contrary to what bonetiredwithtwins says, as your disability affects your earning capacity, it will be a consideration in determining the financial split.

GrandmasCat · 18/12/2021 16:45

Ok, your flat and his house become the same pot regardless of who pay for what and how money was used unless this was a very short marriage.

In your circumstances, I would say that the starting point would be half of your flat and half of the new house, but if you are not working due to the disability or/and you are the main carer of your child you may end up with far more than 50% but all that will depend on how fair and honest your ex is about his finances and how good your solicitors are. A judge won’t decide on this unless you fail to get to an agreement by the time of the third court hearing.

gindreams · 18/12/2021 16:49

@bonetiredwithtwins

Why would you come on and comment about something you clearly no nothing about

How odd

AnotherDelphinium · 18/12/2021 17:43

As you are disabled due to ill health (and I assume claiming benefits which further “prove” this), you have significantly diminished earning potential compared to him, and will therefore take a larger share of the assets to offset this. Rightly or wrongly, the law sees that he has another XX years until retirement so will put him in a worse position since you are unable to get a mortgage etc.

He’s obviously been advised this and is trying to keep as much out the pot as he can, but is unlikely to succeed in keeping much out at all, especially after a decade of marriage, and cohabitation before that.

TherapyClient · 18/12/2021 22:01

I think he's actually somehow after my medical retirement, the actual pension I am already drawing now because of ill health! How in any world would that ever be okay?

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 18/12/2021 22:17

How in any world would that ever be okay?

Perhaps as a bargaining chip ?

Starting with an extreme position means that there are lots of things which he could agree to give up during the negotiations.

Anyone starting out with what they think is the fair end position has left themselves with only things important to themselves which they can possibly give up.

TherapyClient · 18/12/2021 22:48

And is that how it works with a judge then? I mean, does a judge have the same bargaining mentality or do they see it for what it is, which is an extremely cheeky and unreasonable offer that should be ignored?!

OP posts:
prh47bridge · 18/12/2021 22:52

No, that isn't how it works with a judge. I presume your ex is trying to negotiate a settlement with you rather than have a judge decide.

TherapyClient · 18/12/2021 23:10

Yes, he's very eager for me to agree out of court, but if this is the game they're playing I'd rather a judge decide. It's appalling and it's bad enough dealing with all the heartache of splitting a family up and the uncertainty that comes with it, but to have them try to shaft me like this is nothing sort of wicked. I’ve always been considered a vulnerable adult because my cognition can sometimes be affected and I find it so hard to keep up with it all. That's why I'd be happier for a judge to rule rather than two solicitors battle it out like some chicken versus rooster market place bartering!

OP posts:
Luzina · 18/12/2021 23:13

You need to email your solicitor and make it clear that you expect a 50/50 split. Don’t negotiate with your husband yourself, that is the solicitors job (based on your instructions)

Collaborate · 18/12/2021 23:20

The source of capital put in to the house is a relevant consideration for a judge to take in to account when dividing the capital.

So too is earning capacity and disability.

The longer the marriage the less significant the contribution at the outset. You need your own legal advice (and by that I don't mean from strangers on here).

inheritancetrack · 19/12/2021 09:49

Your solicitor should give you an honest appraisal of your case taking into account the 50/50 starting point in divorce. You being the main carer for your child and having a disability will usually give you a greater share. His solicitor should do the same to him.

drpet49 · 19/12/2021 09:53

* I personally would agree with your DH that you aren't entitled to 50/50 as you haven't contributed towards the house cost at all. Fixtures and fittings costs isn't the same as contributing towards the bricks and mortar cost.*

^I agree with this

prh47bridge · 19/12/2021 11:55

@drpet49

* I personally would agree with your DH that you aren't entitled to 50/50 as you haven't contributed towards the house cost at all. Fixtures and fittings costs isn't the same as contributing towards the bricks and mortar cost.*

^I agree with this

Just to repeat, in a long marriage (which this is), the contributions towards the house will be of limited relevance. The OP's disability which affects her earning capacity is likely to be of much greater significance in determining the final split if this is decided by the courts.
Sugarplumfairy65 · 19/12/2021 15:40

@bonetiredwithtwins

It's a difficult one isn't it? I personally would agree with your DH that you aren't entitled to 50/50 as you haven't contributed towards the house cost at all. Fixtures and fittings costs isn't the same as contributing towards the bricks and mortar cost.

That being said he should compensate you for the year he lived at yours rent free But sounds like it was decades ago so might appear rather tit for tat?

You living mortgage free with DH enabled you to rent out your own property and have the tenants pay your mortgage on that. Have you sold it since? What happened to the money?

Unfortunately rightly or wrongly your disability isn't his financial responsibility and I don't believe he has any legal obligation to give you half a house you haven't paid for to enable you to support yourself? You would need to claim the necessary benefits etc

It may be wise not to comment when its clear you have no idea about the law
pollygartertidywife · 19/12/2021 19:05

Bonetiredwithtwins
Always staggers me that people with absolutely no professional legal knowledge come on a board designed to help with legal issues !

It's like advising on a surgical procedure when you are a greengrocer! Complete nonsense and actually quite dangerous as posters on this subject expect answers from people qualified in the role . Or a caveat at the beginning stating not legally trained but offering anecdotal information from a similar scenario.

Completely made up advice bearing no alignment to the actual law is just stupid .

TizerorFizz · 19/12/2021 20:08

You need to ensure you do get 50:50, or as near as possible as you presumably have a child to look after? I would instruct my solicitor that 50:50 is my Rex line but I would not mention who bought what over 10 years ago. I think as you didn’t make any agreement about his family money before you married, it’s all included in the marital assets right now.

Pensions are usually brought into the equation. However I’m not a lawyer and you need advice on this as well as his pension! He presumably will have assets in a pension scheme? What about other assets? All assets are on the table I think but you need advice on whether your pension should be ring fenced. Do write a list of queries for your solicitor and they will respond. Court proceedings cost a lot so weigh up if you can afford this outlay.

TizerorFizz · 19/12/2021 20:09

Rex??? Red line

Soontobe60 · 19/12/2021 20:15

OP, what happened to the property you owned?

TizerorFizz · 19/12/2021 21:00

Good question. All assets of the marriage are on the table.

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