Is there a minimum amount of contact ordered when there is a dispute over residency?

[kennyshoodedjacket]

ExH wants residency of teenage dcs. Dc have always lived with me and exH has had them one night per week at the most and hasn't wanted half the holidays, just his normal one night per week. I've been the primary carer for 10 years and this has been the arrangement all that time. ExH is saying I'm abusing the dc emotionally (guardian disagrees as do SS) and wants full residency of both dc. This will take them away from family and friends and out of the catchment for their school and they would have to get a bus instead of walking as they do now. ExH has totally alienated the eldest from me and I've barely seen them for months, but the youngest wants to stay with me. ExH wants drastically reduced contact. If the judge agrees, is there a minimum amount of contact set out with the NRP? I feel like I'd never see them again if the past year is anything to go by.

How old are your DC?

You've barely seen them for months? So they are essentially living there at the moment (and coping with the school journey)

Are they older or younger teens?

The youngest is still with me. Current court order says both live with me. They are 13 and 14. Eldest is late to school every day since having to get the bus.

Bumping for the Sunday night readers.

Ime term dc were enticed by df and the freedom he gave. Access to alcohol and drugs and no schooling.. A year later both dc went nc with df after realising he wasn't actually parenting them. The 14 yo stayed away from me for a year and the 12 yo 50 /50 in theory was less for me. A court would listen to your dc op. But given covid hearings are up to 2 years away.

The hearing is very soon and statements are being done this week. I'm just wondering what the least I can expect so I can mentally prepare myself.

Ask school for a print off of the times the older one gets to school.. If it is impacting his attendance that may factor into any decision..

The guardian has all that information as does my solicitor so that's a good thing.

Re reading your post op it screams out that your exh has some hatred towards you. This will come out via his tone I imagine. Especially if the dc repeat parrot fashion exes 'wants'.. Because it isn't about what he wants. If the dc have been happy for 10 years they won't suddenly give them to him just because he wants them. Have you got a diary of appointments and a schedule that you maintain for the dc op? Have you got bank statements /receipts showing you manage day to day needs of them - clothes /food /dinner money /school trips ext. What can ex show his contribution to be? Because I doubt a judge would believe all of a sudden he will be willing and able to take over the 'management' of the dc after 10 years.

Don't forget school trips / haircuts /bus fare . Is he trying to reduce stop Cms?

I would say that the judge will very much take account of your children’s wishes as they are teens. It would be very unwise to try to force your DS to see you if he really doesn’t want to, it could alienate him long term. Far better in the long term to agree to him staying with his dad and you having regular access with him - unless there’s a damned good reason for the courts not to award you any contact, they will award it.
Children are teens for a very short time. Before you know it, your DS1 will be calling round to see you every day!

Our interim order specifies that both dc have significant time with both parents. I've not had any kind of regular contact with the eldest for months. ExH says he can't force dc to see me and that they will self harm if made to see me.
We have had a court order in place for 8 years or so now but it's never been adhered to for long. He has paid cms the whole time but pays for nothing else except activities he wants them to do. Medical, dental, school, homework, haircuts etc have all been my responsibility and I'm the one school calls if there's any issues (of which there have been many since the rudest has lived with exH).

I think there is an issue here about drugs and alcohol. Can you prove their father supplies this? Ask your solicitor/barrister about drugs tests for him. Yes, as DC are teenagers they will be listened to but judges don’t like drugs and alcohol either! So get representation in court and make sure your barrister knows your concerns and why your older teen is preferring to be with his dad. This living arrangement will only go one way! And it won’t be nice. The only calling round DS will do is to his drug dealer!

Eldest not rudest! Although both are accurate.

I tend to think haircuts, and appointments are nit picking. You need to concentrate on the court order not being adhered to. DS can see you in a supervised setting to begin with. Judges are keen on consistent parenting and DC being educated. So focus on DC’s well-being not a trivial haircut!

@TizerorFizz I was just responding to a previous poster. I don't care about haircuts. I'm not sure where you've got anything about drugs and alcohol from? I don't drink, well at Christmas the odd one, and I don't take drugs.

Why would contact need to be supervised? I've been their primary carer and the Cafcass guardian and social services have no concerns about my parenting.

@kennyshoodedjacket
So sorry! If was another poster who mentioned drugs and alcohol! Ignore me!!! Just completely ignore what I said!

It isn't not picking to show who is in charge of 'maintaining' the dc. My exh was happy to show off a happy clean baby but never did any of what I consider the Donkey Work. Haircuts to any teen are important.. Would your ex take them and pay every time? Would he take time off work for a Dr appointment? Did he when you were together? All relevant ime.

Would he heck. That's wife work according to him. He refused to take the pet (that he bought and originally lived at his) to the vet saying that if he took it then I'd make him pay. It cost less than a tenner 🙄
My solicitor thinks that even if the eldest officially lives with exH then there will be significant contact ordered with me. The problem is getting exH to stick to the order. Eldest changes their mind by the minute at times as to who they want to be with and makes accusations, tells ridiculous lies and comes across as very fickle. Whatever their preference, it will be absolute until the wind changes. It's impossible to know anything with any certainty when it comes to the eldest.

Now looking like no order at all for the eldest as this is what the cafcass guardian is recommending because the eldest won't be told what to do and exH won't risk his relationship with the eldest by enforcing any kind of boundaries or expectations. I hope that once the eldest grows up and away from the influence of exH then I might have some kind of relationship again with them. Until then I've no hope.