Divorce, housing, children

[Messah]

Hi there,

My husband and I are separated and will be getting divorced. He's in the military and has a room on base. We live in a house in the subburbs of a different city.

He wants to remove himself from the deeds to the house and give it all to me. This would be great, if COVID hadn't destroyed my job and I'm on about a third of what I was pre-pandemic.

We bought the house as a shared ownership and we own 75% whilst Josepth Rowntree Housing Trust own the remaining 25%.

I don't want to move because firstly, no bank is giving me a mortgage. Secondly, I don't even earn enough to rent a place big enough for myself and three children. Thirdly, I picked this house for many reasons, but the core reason is location. The kids childminder is 10 minutes in one direction, my mums house is 10 minutes in the other, and their school is a 2 minute walk around the corner. Not to mention the emotional damage and disruption moving would do.

He wants to keep it out of the UK court system and just keep it between us, but my friend thinks whilst he sounds like he's being all noble, that actually he's doing it because he'll be worse off if I go through the courts.

I already receive Universal Credit due to my low income (thank you covid) and chidcare support.

Does anyone know what my rights are here? What does the court have the power to do? If it were just me, I'd go and I wouldn't even care. This comes from a place of entirely protecting the children. If I can't stay in this house and I have to move, I will have to move out of this city and somewhere far away from any support for the children and myself. Away from all family and friends. The reason I don't earn more is because ofc I am raising our children.

He wants to sit down and chat about it and he's really pushing that we get this sorted now. I am on the verge of a full on meltdown. He'd always said he'd make sure the kids were safe, but this isn't safe!

Is he planning on paying any sort of spousal maintenance? I mean the only reason he can continue in his career I assume is because he does the bulk of the childcare? You could agree that you stay in the house (with him on the mortgage) until the children are 18 or you remarry. If I was in your shoes I would really see a solicitor if you can afford it.

He does = he does not*

The only person who can answer that really is a lawyer. Ultimately you can't afford the house and he wants to cut the financial toe of owning property with you. Whether there is a way around this, only someone who is properly qualified can advise you.

Is he offering for you to get the full house no buy out? What is the remaining mortgage and how much is the remaining equity? Do you own the house outright? Also has pension been factored in on both sides?

You’d be entitled to 50% with some workaround because of the children. It may be that in monetary terms you’d be entitled to a bit more but you need to factor in how much value you place on not moving.

If you own it outright then you might feel that perhaps sacrificing your share of his pension is worth not moving, especially if you won’t be able to get a mortgage. If however there is a mortgage to consider, you would have to take out a mortgage anyway in which case it may be better to fight for a higher proportion.

He wants to keep it out of the UK court system and just keep it between us, but my friend thinks whilst he sounds like he's being all noble, that actually he's doing it because he'll be worse off if I go through the courts.

Yes, I’d be suspicious, frankly. A military pension is worth quite a bit as an asset of the marriage. Do you know his salary?

I’d sit down and chat about it, sure. But see a lawyer too…

I'd be wary too . How much equity is in the house vs how much is his pension worth?

Have you had his pension valued? I wonder if he wants you to leave his pension alone?

Both your pensions are marital assets.

Is he paying the CMS minimum for the DC?

Ultimately he can force sale of the property to get his name off the deeds but that is a long drawn out process.

@FeckTheMagicDragon "Is he planning on paying any sort of spousal maintenance?"

I love the naivety. Spousal maintenance? I'm afraid that is the preserve of WAGs and the pretty well off. So unless her husband head of the armed forces then it is highly unlikely. Given they are in a shared ownership property that's unlikely.

However, whilst you don't need a court fight, you need a consent order granting by a court or finically you are never properly separate, and for that you will need independent legal advice which does cost but can be doable if you are not in disagreement

You should sort out the finances between you and get a consent order if you can rather than have the courts decide. But, as others say, you need to get proper legal advice.

When you say you receive “childcare support” do you mean child maintenance? If not, head to the CMS calculator and see what you should be getting.

If he’s in the military, I’d suggest working it out on the basis he has them one night a week, as whilst he might have them more, once he’s deployed it’s all on you for months on end.

Firstly, have a look at whether you could take on the mortgage, speak to some mortgage advisors and see if you can get an agreement in principle, then you’ll know what sort of figures you need to stay in the house, but just make sure you really do want to stay. Whilst right now it’s home and security, as time goes by you might prefer a fresh start but you’re financially hamstrung to stay there.

@MarieG10 I’m well aware the courts rarely award spousal maintenance- I was asking if he was offering it along with his oh so generous offer 😄

OP get thee to a solicitor’s if you can to see what you are entitled to. Work out child maintenance (the only way they can get out of paying that is if they lie about their income), see if you can find details of his pension, any savings, etc.

OP I do second the suggestion of seeing a solicitor but don’t assume that military automatically implies massive pension. The current pension scheme is significantly less generous than previous ones and if he’s only done a few years, it won’t necessarily be worth that much.

Do make sure that he is paying the correct amount of child maintenance and that it is reviewed regularly. Being in the military, he will receive incremental pay rises and if/when he is promoted, it is a significant jump.

Under the terms of your shared ownership agreement, is there any requirement to work towards purchasing the remaining 25%? Could you afford the mortgage with your benefits and his child maintenance?

Get advice firstly, a solicitor can advise you further. Tell us who owns the house as well.