Child arrangement order - write to court?

[LucyLatimer]

Teen dc has decided they no longer want to see dad. We have had a child arrangements order in place for around 4 years. Dc refuses to go and has detailed long history of verbal abuse by exh and his partner, both to me and to headteacher. I cannot and do not wish to send dc back into a situation like this. I also don’t want to go to court to ask that dc stays with me full time, as I feel that this would be shutting the door on their relationship. Can I write a letter to the family court detailing this? I am worried that xdh is not a great communicator and that he will want to take me back to court for deviating from the order

At 12 my ds went nc with his df.. Despite a long standing order that actually went in df's favour it seemed. Never heard a word from exh. Ds collected his stuff when he was out and he never bothered. Been 5 years and ds has seen him at 2 funerals and maybe twice to collect a naff Xmas gift...
Please don't write to a court.... Keep texts and emails... A court won't be interested in a court order for a teenager!

Thanks, that’s what I wonder. All communication is in writing, and dc feels so strongly about it that they have told school. Xdh is quite agressive and is quick to mention parental alienation. When I spoke to my original solicitor I was quite surprised that she said that he would easily be an able to get the order enforced, even though they are mid teens. I know it’s important to get the child to speak for themselves as much as possible.

At 14 the middle dc went nc. Then 6 months later the 12 yo. Never had 1 text from exh.

It’s an age where they start to make their own decisions isn’t it? I want to support that and stand up for the fact that nobody has the right to verbally abuse them. I would like to think that court wouldn’t enforce the order at this age, and for this reason, but from previous experience of family court, it depends on the judge.

Can I ask, have your dc’s regretting their decision. When I see that poor little boy in the news who was abused and ultimately killed by his dad and partner, it make me feel strongly about taking action here.

If there is abuse why have you waited until now?

In any event as your son is 14 there isn’t much the court can or will want to do

Yes, I don’t know what to do with whether it’s abuse, but they have recently told me that there have been overly harsh punishments and shouting and screaming in their face from dad and partner. I not have this recorded and will not force any further visits to dad. Our doctor suggested social services as dc has become withdrawn, but I do t know whether this would help, or whether it’s better just to be ready for any court action with this information. It’s great to hear that the court will not enforce contact for a child of this age against their wishes

It all came out in time that df didn't feed them properly.. Or take them to school on his days. And he did hit them until they got to an age they stood still and laughed at him when he shouted... Kills me I had no idea. They have no regrets leaving him. Just that they stayed so long. Court was totally fooled by him. They are tough lads. Very loving and I am grateful to have them with me.

I also reported him to ss. When he left them home alone when he went to the pub. All primary age. When he had a convicted sex offender in his home. Denied it and said the dc lied about it happening. Ss didn't want to know.

I've left it without telling court.. but they did imply I would be in the wrong to do this...but my dd is 15 now x

I feel for you and your boys. Yes, I also had no idea until the last few weeks, and now it’s all coming out. I’m glad that dc has found the voice to say it now. So not much point in ss either by the sound of things. It doesn’t sit well with me to ignore the court order, but it sounds like there is not much else to be done.

Yes, chakraleaf, that’s what my solicitor strongly said to me, but it doesn’t sound that way in practice from what I hear. How long has it been for your dd? Have you heard more from her father?