DH's brother told hospital not to take calls from DH

[MrsArchchancellorRidcully]

Mil (DH's mum) has just been taken to hospital due to personality changes and inability to look after herself. This is been brewing for almost 2 years.

We suspect dementia. Sil called to tell us the day after they phoned the ambulance. It was a reluctant call. For reasons we cannot work out, brother and sis in law are very annoyed with DH and I and seem to have influenced mil too.
Sis in law told DH the bare facts and was clear brother had told hospital not to take any calls from DH and do not let DH visit mil.

DH is flabbergasted and doesn't know why this is.

Legally, can they stop him asking after his own mother? Can his brother have put something in place eg power of attorney meaning he is legally the only next of kin etc and so can control who sees mil?

I honestly don't know about the hospital visiting, though I suspect that if your bil has influenced your mil, then she may refuse visits which should be honoured.

Years ago my uncle contested a poa created for my grandfather by my mother and aunt. I had to declare in writing (as did my cousin) that we were fine with what they were doing. So they can be contested.

However, if she's already having difficultues, I'm not sure you could get one now anyway.

Hospital visiting may be restricted because of COVID, I know our local hospital has brought restrictions back lately.

So what actually happened when your DH rang the hospital?

@ChicCroissant

Hospital visiting may be restricted because of COVID, I know our local hospital has brought restrictions back lately.

So what actually happened when your DH rang the hospital?

He hasn't rung. Sil told him bluntly jot to call the hospital as her dh (his brother) has told them not to take the call. He was working today so was easier to leave it for now.

Not

He should call anyway, and ask on what grounds they refuse his call since both are equally sons. If there’s no POA then the hospital can’t treat them differently.

Your DH should have been named on a POA application anyway as someone who should be notified- that is if they did one.

Next of kin at hospital is not the same as POA and as close family, the hospital should speak to you. The only reason I can think they may not they may not is if your MIL has capacity and has said she doesn’t want to speak to your DH. The hospital would of course take the call. They may not give sensitive health information out, but your DH could also then directly if there was an issue.

At the moment hospitals only tend to liaise with a single nok and allow one consistent visitor or those in a single household.

Legally, your mil is deemed to have capacity until assessed not to have it - she can refuse to see her son in this situation.

If dementia is diagnosed, capacity is assessed on a decision specific basis. So she could have capacity to refuse to see her son but not to decide where to live for example. It would be assessed by social workers qualified in this area.

Re Power of attorney - that has to be set up by her when she has capacity and it is then enacted once doctors agree that she cannot make decisions for either her health and care, or her financial affairs or both parts (2 separate P of A there). If one isn't set up and she lacks capacity then someone has to apply to the Court of Protection to be awarded Deputyship - this can be awarded jointly. When doing the paperwork for these, everyone who has an interest should be detailed in the paperwork and they will be notified by the Court, and will then be able to raise objections.

Re whether your husband should be allowed to see his mother, I do wonder how things have got this bad in his family, without either you or your husband having any idea whatsoever what the issues are?

Next of kin often get some information from hospitals which other family members don't get. In some hospitals they will only give details to next of kin.

Dh needs to phone his brother to ask wtf is the problem and why he has done this.

Your DH should have been named on a POA application anyway as someone who should be notified- that is if they did one.

There is no requirement for him to be named as someone to be notified. His mother could have listed him, but she didn't have to. Of course, we have no evidence that there is a POA in place.

Dh needs to phone his brother to ask wtf is the problem and why he has done this

No, he needs to phone the hospital. We only have SIL's word for what has happened and, even if the hospital has been told not to take his calls or allow him to visit, we don't know if they will comply with this request.

Can his brother have put something in place eg power of attorney meaning he is legally the only next of kin etc and so can control who sees mil?

No. Power of Attorney can only be put in place by the person involved, ie your MIL. Nobody else can do it.

The hospital may have the brother named as next of kin - but that isn't anything official, it's just normally that whoever is dealing with the hospital when the person is admitted, is asked "who is the next of kin" and if DH's brother was that person, he might have said "I am her son, so I am the next of kin ". That doesn't mean that your DH can't enquire after his mother though - he'd be better off to just ring the ward and ask how she is. Then he'll find out. Don't let the SIL bluff you - find out for yourselves.

IF mil has dementia , or is confused, it's quite possible that she has been telling DH's brother some random nasty things about your DH. My mother used to tell me that my sister was stealing her money ( and she'd also tell me that Dsis was doing the same thing). So that may be why DH's brother and wife have some bad ideas about your DH / or you trying to influence her.

I think your H does need to pursue this with the hospital: care needs and personality changes wouldn’t normally lead to hospital admittance. There must have been an incident to trigger the ambulance call out.

As pp said, even if bil had told the hospital not to take calls from dh, they may not comply with the request.

Why is SIL the boss? Whatever the reasons be DH needs to phone the hospital and find out what's really going on.

I understand that everyone is upset about the situation, but the hospital staff should be used to dealing with upset relatives.

Thinking longer term (and incredibly cynically) makes you wonder what will happen to a financial legacy if they are pushing him out

He needs to ring his brother and find out what is happening

At my hospital we would not allow one child to restrict others access without a very good reason eg a safeguarding issue

1 we would ask the patient what they want and if it's yes it's yes and if it's no it's no

1. We would ask the person wanting to restrict access what their reasoning is ie is this person a danger? And I'd check if they have LPA health and welfare or any other legal authority to speak on behalf of the patient

Restricting an incapacitated person from seeing their family would be a deprivation of their liberty and a violation of their right to a family life so no hospital will do this lightly just on someone's say so

If the person themselves has capacity/ appears to have capacity (it is presumed unless good reason not to) then they can see or not see whoever that like and agree or not agree to have their information shared. If they said no I would have to say they had declined permission. We routinely ask people who they want to know about their care on admission and if anyone other than those they authorised rings we would ask the patient before saying anything (there's a lot of nosy neighbours in this world)