Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

legal advice on family matter

10 replies

Lanawondering · 01/11/2021 14:23

Hi there,
I'm reposting this as I was advised I didn't post where I should so I could get some help or advice. A few things changed since I first posted it and I apologise in advance - it is complicated...

So, I'm helping a friend as his English is really not good but don't know how to help exactly... The father has full parental rights (we are talking about 12 years old boy) but even so he lived with his mother. Until a few weeks ago when visiting his dad for the weekend when it was time to go back to his mum he started crying and explained that he doesn't want to live with her at all. He's got 2 older (not minors!) brother and sister who physically abuse him not constantly, but whenever they felt like it... The mother knows, but doesn't do much about it. The father, of course, after hearing all this and seeing the bruises keeps the child with him. They are divorced. But now the mother constantly tries to get the child back (as she is claiming benefits for the child...), calling, texting abusive message - to the father thank God.. - and even tried to go and take him away while the father was at work. I am a close friend to his partner, but if you see how he hugs his stepmother it will break your heart... I've never seen anything like this before and don't know what exactly to do in order to help them. They have a lawyer, who is saying to wait for the mum to escalate otherwise they have to pay the court fees, but they can't afford them. They are not responding or engaging in any way (the father and the child) to her calls or messages but, I believe a week or so ago (I've got everything written down, just my notebook is not with me right now) my friend called me in total panic that that woman is on the front door. The child wasn't at school yet that day, but he started already - reason for the delay was that the mother refused to send his passport, birth certificate, etc., along with any of the child's belongings, which he wants back and does not want his dad to simply replace them (buy whatever he needs) but he wants his clothes, his things, although she was asked via sms to do so politely. The father dug out a copy of the child's birth certificate so he's going to school now, even enrolled in the football team there. The school is aware of the situation but even so they need to see the child's passport...

So that they, when the mother visited unannounced and uninvited, my friend called me as she knows I live closer to their apartment then where she works. I raced like crazy to her apartment, thankfully, the mother was not there at this exact moment, I called the child, he knows me, to let me in, and he was so scared, shaking... omg!!!! It took me 5 mins to calm him down... Only because he thinks somehow she'll take him back. I called the police just in case, they advised the father to send one last message not to be contacted again or the child in any way and if she continues to report her for harassment. Well, she did... nasty, abusive, disgusting message, honestly, can't believe it.. So my question is do they report for harassment or child abuse or both and how to get the child documents and belongings back?

Is citizens advice bureau an option? Can they get a restriction order or anything like that? Or police?

My friend has a layer, good one I think, as he advised them to let thing unfold so the mother can give more evidence against herself - which she did - but also advised them if they want to go to court and they file a lawsuit or whatever it would be, it won't be cheep, it will be around, just to start with £3,000 - £5,000 fees... And the layer said he'd rather wait for the mother to take the first step so she would have to pay, but she is not doing it (obviously not that stupid...) and they need at least the child's documents for obvious reasons - to get him a GP, to enrol him in a school, to be able enrol with school football team, etc., traveling is still out of the question in terms that first priority is give the child a chance to settle down and go to school with no fear that his mother will snatch him (omg, just saying this sounds so so crazy, and so so wrong on so many levels...).

I'm asking because after the mother sent that last nasty message after being asked to stop harassing them, the the father can file a complaint for harassment, I called the police again and after answering all the usual questions about "imminent danger" they said they don't deal with things like that... Although the calls and messages stopped - pretty sure they visited the mother or at least called her, truly don't know.
Any advice will be greatly appreciated, I just never ever had any experience with something like that and I am determine to help them. Especially after I saw with my own eyes how scared he was from his own mother. So please help me help them...

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 01/11/2021 17:44

It needs to be decided by the courts if both parents want the child to live with them. How old is the child?

Oftenithinkaboutit · 01/11/2021 17:46

I can’t make head nor tail

I suggest you condense

Oftenithinkaboutit · 01/11/2021 17:47

@RedHelenB

It needs to be decided by the courts if both parents want the child to live with them. How old is the child?
That was one but I did get! 12
Bluntness100 · 01/11/2021 17:52

The mother can show th school the passport.

RedHelenB · 01/11/2021 19:52

Missed that! Very likely that a court would listen very carefully to the wishes of the child in that case.

Lanawondering · 02/11/2021 14:10

@RedHelenB

It needs to be decided by the courts if both parents want the child to live with them. How old is the child?
He's 12, but who raise the issue to the courts, which institution? Sorry if it's a silly question, I just really don't know. And the father already has a full parental rights and the child does not want to live with his mother.
OP posts:
MooseBeTimeForSnow · 02/11/2021 14:21

He should make an application at the closest County Court to where he and the child live. He can do it without a lawyer.

Lanawondering · 02/11/2021 14:32

@Oftenithinkaboutit

I can’t make head nor tail

I suggest you condense

I know, I'm sorry, reading it now again it's total chaos... Let me try again. The child is 12 years old and does not want to live with his mother anymore. He currently lives with his father. The mother harassed them constantly via calls and messaged (day and night), some very abusive but those she sent only to the father, not to the child. After I reported that to the police this stopped.

She tried to come to the father apartment and take the child away, but the child did not open the door and then I arrived a few minutes afterwards. Again, I called the police, explained the situation, was given some advice, which the family followed and that's it.

The mother clearly sent another extremely abusive message after the one the police advised the father to send to her asking her politely for the last time to stop - then they could file for harassment. With who?
To the police?

The other matter - the mother refuses to send the boys' personal belonging, passport and documents, although asked twice politely - the family is following everything they were advised to so they are plying by the rules.

How they can get her to send the boys' belongings plus his documents? The police said they don't deal with that - then who is?
The father has a layer who advised them to wait, otherwise he will have to pay fees to start with from £3000 - £5000 to get things moving, which they don't have. The mother is not doing at the moment - no harassment, no calls, but the child needs his documents - it was very challenging to enrol him in a school, GP, etc. - basically she is interfering whit his education, I think?

They've got tons of evidence of abusive message and call, even bruises on the child (his older brother was "playing around him" whenever he felt like it..).

So what do they do? Can they file for harassment and/or child abuse?

OP posts:
Lanawondering · 02/11/2021 14:33

@MooseBeTimeForSnow

He should make an application at the closest County Court to where he and the child live. He can do it without a lawyer.
Thank you! I'll dig into that right now!
OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 04/11/2021 10:48

Court forms are C100, C1A, and EX160 to get a reduced court fee if eligible. Court fee on issue is £232.

All forms available free on gov.uk, just Google the form numbers. Alternatively apply online from the page with C100 on it.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page