New baby due soon. Would I likely be able to alter my custody arrangement.

[Dissolvingdaisy]

I am in England.

My ex and I have a 6 year old son and live about 3 hours away from each other and have done for 5 years. We have a court order which states I travel 1.5 hours to drop off my son. I am about to have my second baby next month and do not drive. Travel would be 500x more difficult as a result. With 6 hours of travelling via public transport for a newborn baby in a pandemic. I consider that risky.

I agreed to the court travel to stop the proceedings that went on a year. Or they would have been further considered by the court in another hearing.

My pregnancy has been severely high risk with hospitalisations so far. My ex has refused to be reasonable about it so I am hoping legally I can have the court order amended.

I can’t leave my baby home as I breastfeed exclusively. My husband will also be returning to work full time after paternity leave is up.

My ex chose to move that distance.

They have no other children in their household.

Thanks in advance.

I had a similar situation with DS2. When he was born I told XH in no uncertain terms that I would no longer be driving hither and yon to drop off and pick up DS1 at whatever dark, lonely out of the way place selected by his new wife. His response was to turn up on the doorstep with all of DS1’s stuff from his house in a bin bag, dumped it, drove off and we never saw him again. DS1 was 6. That was nearly 30 years ago.

@JosephineDeBeauharnais

I had a similar situation with DS2. When he was born I told XH in no uncertain terms that I would no longer be driving hither and yon to drop off and pick up DS1 at whatever dark, lonely out of the way place selected by his new wife. His response was to turn up on the doorstep with all of DS1’s stuff from his house in a bin bag, dumped it, drove off and we never saw him again. DS1 was 6. That was nearly 30 years ago.

I'm sorry that happened to your son. How awful. Sometimes it's easier if they just leave and don't cause further distress.

Unfortunately my ex won't do this as he's quite abusive and uses everything as a weapon. He then calls me the abusive one and lies and twists everything including my solicitor letters where he lied about something my solicitor had said

Surely at least until your 6 week check no court would expect you kept to that plan?

@Pumpkinsondisplay

Surely at least until your 6 week check no court would expect you kept to that plan?

This is my question honestly. He's claiming they will hold me to it.

You need to go back to court and ask for the order to be varied.

Don't be afraid to ask for a variation via court op.. I had been driving 500 miles a week to keep to an old court order... I had a ds and moved... Judge agreed it was unrealistic to keep to the old one...
Wasn't an issue at all. And tbh exh didn't really get much say!!

What arrangement are you going to suggest instead?
And learning to drive be an option?

I've been in a similar fix recently, though the pandemic has made public transport more challenging...

Ultimately it's up to you to ask for a variation and adapt the plans. Respectfully the court doesn't care about any child other than the one concerned in the court case. Your ex might be reasonable but he doesn't have to be. Could your new DP help out with the driving at all, or could you not EBF (pump for bottles) early on? Not saying this is easy at all! Just that you probably need to show willing to the situation with your existing child if you want a variation

Apply now for a variation in the court order. Do it yourself point out he moved away in the first place, that you seek an emergency hearing as you are heavily pregnant until the child is over the age of 5 at least - although I would argue if you don’t drive - just say it’s not practical
With two children and ask that he picks up and drops off. End of. They can only say no and my feeling is they won’t. Log with your gp the issues with public transport when dark winter and when pregnant and ask them to write you a supportive letter for court and then put that in with your application. Done

Why can't you fill up some bottles so your partner can feed your baby and your son can see his dad? Or change days so your partner can feed your child? Or does your current partner work weekends?

Dad's can feed children too. I was the one who fed and sang to our daughter in NICU for weeks.

Yeah a lovely medical letter from a friendly GP I had to deal with a few of them which caused massive complications for our daughters relationship with me. All fixed now thankfully. I really dislike the way medical professionals wade into legal situations where they only know one side of the story, It's borderline manipulative in some situations.

@Skeptadad

Why can't you fill up some bottles so your partner can feed your baby and your son can see his dad? Or change days so your partner can feed your child? Or does your current partner work weekends?

Dad's can feed children too. I was the one who fed and sang to our daughter in NICU for weeks.

Yeah a lovely medical letter from a friendly GP I had to deal with a few of them which caused massive complications for our daughters relationship with me. All fixed now thankfully. I really dislike the way medical professionals wade into legal situations where they only know one side of the story, It's borderline manipulative in some situations.

Changed my username but wanted to reply.

My son could see his dad if his dad ever bothered to make any effort. I've done everything for years with nothing but demands and abuse from him. I used to do the entire journey while he sat at home as he didn't see our son if I did not. A court only forced me into doing split journeys as I agreed to stop my son being in the middle of any more drama. I strongly believe had I not agreed I would not have had to travel at all. I don't regret agreeing as my child is most important.

I've done all the travelling even when he abused me and kidnapped my son. I was financially emotionally and mentally abused by him for years (all documented) and the only reason he behaves this way is because I had the balls to leave.

You sound a little bitter. My situation is not yours. I've gone above and beyond for my child and my ex has done nothing. He refuses to even buy him Christmas presents. He chooses to go on holiday rather than see him. The list is endless. My medical condition is very serious and my "friendly" GP is genuinely concerned for mine and my babies life. There is no manipulation. I'm sorry if that is what happened to you but it is not my situation.

My partner works for the nhs and yes, normally works weekends. My ex has said his girlfriend should never be brought into custody/travel but has demanded so much from my partner never offering anything in return and rarely even saying thank you. He is a terrible person frankly and would rather hurt my unborn child than alter the arrangement for 4 months.

He didn't see my son for 7 months because he "didn't have the money" but went on multiple foreign holidays with his girlfriend during that time. Forgive me for not feeling sorry for a total deadbeat who would sooner see me and my child risk our lives than get off his arse for once ☺️