Help domestic violence

[nosafeguardingadults]

I'm not expecting any help cos been let down so many times but cos still not safe, got to try and ask. Sorry long post.

Main question is. Is there anything I can do. Council making me feel suicidal cos of their behaviour. Feels as abusive as my partner and know it's stupid but feeling scared maybe someone who works there knows him. He's lived and worked in loads of places and meets lots of people in his job and online. Feel like can't trust anyone.

They did detailed homeless application and got letter from refuge. I told them so much and humiliating. They know refuge told me I was at risk of being killed. They kept ignoring phone calls and emails and then kept telling me different things and lying about stuff. In end I was advised by Shelter to do formal complaint. I did in email and they now saying they not accepting homeless application for domestic violence and also they dismissing my complaint.

They literally lying in the reply. They relying to my email so obvious when they're lying cos it's in writing below what I said.

They also saying they pleased to hear no further incidents have occurred since I contacted them. I literally said in the complaint that I'm still suffering domestic abuse. He's nearly killed me in the past. Currently no physical violence but still coercive control and I said to them I'm living in fear. He's threatened to kill me more than once and some other stuff going on now but I can't say on here cos scared.

They taking advantage of me not having any help.

Shelter told me to get a solicitor. Said the council should have given me temporary accommodation whilst considering my application and also they meant to accept my application cos domestic abuse already happened and I'm still living at risk.

Spoke to several solicitors and they all said they have no more capacity for legal aid.

Confused and don't know what to do. Think maybe I've been given bad advice by people. Maybe they told me what they think should happen instead of what is reality?

Do I give up? Don't care if he kills me. Scared of other stuff he can do but what can I do. Been physically sick from stress and fear. I feel more alone and scared. I've made him angry by going to refuge. People kept telling me to leave and now I'm in worse situation.

Should I complain to ombudsman? Feel out of my depth. Scared of what the council will do if I go further. Wish I'd never trusted anyone in first place and want to go back to how it was before.

Hi,

Didn't want to read and run. Hopefully someone will be along with some more useful advice.

Have you been in contact with victim support? They will be able to refer you to MARAC a formalised risk assessment hearing which may force housing and the council to reconsider their position and deal with you properly?

From what I know I think organisations have a duty to refer for homelessness. So if such an application was completed you should of been given emergency accommodation & then temporary accommodation after that.

Thank you for replying. I'm sorry for posting. Don't want to waste anyone's time. Can't trust anywhere ever again. Don't want to continue the homeless application cos don't trust them but thought maybe want to complain to ombudsman. If I die, don't want them to get away with it. Sorry am bitter and upset but think good thing if I complain cos they probably doing it to other women and victims? Can't risk marac. Probably not high risk anymore anyway but even if I am, don't trust services to help. Was told was high risk when was in refuge but now no physical stuff for ages. Still very frightened and never know if he's going to follow thru on threats and he's still threatening me and doing control and other stuff but no proof. He's being clever so I know what he's doing but can't prove it to other people and also they don't seem to care about psychological abuse and control. They don't seem to believe me about the death threats cos he hasn't killed me yet. Sorry feeling overwhelmed by everything. I try to tell myself maybe no more risk but then he does something or says something and I feel sick fear inside but don't want to deal with horrible councils or other nasty people ever again. They're bad people and made me feel dirty and even more vulnerable.

Sorry. Irrelevant for legal section.

Shelter and domestic abuse helpline said same thing you did. That they should have given temporary accommodation but they didn't and nothing I can do. Maybe I keep calling to find a solicitor that's taking new clients but tried several already and just want to give up. Can't have police. Things I can't explain on here that he'd do but also my mental health not good enough to cope. Think have enough proof of things though not recent so maybe not enough. Also he'd find a way to kill me if police. Hundred percent he would.

So have the police been involved at all? And are you still at the refuge? Who does the home you and your partner shared belong to it is it rented?

Police been out several times in the past. Called by other people. Never told them truth and they never saw my injuries though he's been arrested but several years ago. Police knew truth that time I think. I denied it but they guessed but I was to scared to do statement. Nothing recent.

Can't explain it all here. Have said more details on other usernames in past but too scared now on case he finds it. Had to leave the refuge. Know most good but was bad experience for me. Too outing to say everything but got no help with rehousing. The experience made it harder to trust anyone now. Know partly my mental health state. Been really damaged by everything that's happened but now more scared and confused.

Six months in refuge they said they'd call police if I left as said I was vulnerable adult. Have disabilities and also my mental health trauma. Then they suddenly changed. Went from 100 to zero just like that. Told me they wouldn't call police afterall but said I'd get help with rehousing. Social worker was trying to help but now I've left refuge area so she probably won't help. Also no physical violence for ages now. They don't seem to care about anything else. The control and threats and other stuff he's doing. Maybe they don't believe me, don't know. More scared cos no support now and feel sort of frightened of services after the bad experiences. One minute giving me no control over my choices, saying I was risk of being murdered, not even telling me what they'd tell the police if I went home, so not letting me be involved or informed at all then suddenly not caring or helping at all.

Too frightened to contact old social worker. Not in her area now left refuge so she probably won't help. She referred me as safeguarding to my home social services but they didn't want to help. Told me to just leave or call police. Said they didn't help with rehousing or domestic violence even if vulnerable adult. I told old social worker and she said to go back to them cos they had to help. Tried again and had a nice man answer phone but his manager was a horrible man who was rude and didn't care about domestic violence.

Too scared to tell the old social worker in case she did safeguarding call to police. I'd be homeless if they did that or he'd probably kill me. Too late now anyway cos been out of refuge area too long.

Emailed refuge asking for help. Keyworker told me she couldn't help cos no longer at the refuge. I've lost more trust now in all the services. It really took a lot to trust anywhere. I was too scared to for years and didn't leave cos was scared of exactly what's happened, happening. Facing homeless and also him more angry. Feel very let down and don't want to trust any of them ever again.

Giving up on leaving. Too frightened but think want to complaint to ombudsman about the council. Maybe too dangerous to do that in my position? The council saying things like I refused consent for them to contact social services. It's a lie. Yjr social worker contacted them and they ignored her and never replied. My complaint included asking them why they didn't contact her and I asked them to so definitely gave consent.

Also said in my complaint that I am actively experiencing domestic abuse and living in fear. The social worker wouldn't support me being rehoused in my area cos said too dangerous. I wanted to stay in my area. The council I applied to saying in reply to my complaint that they pleased to hear no incidents have occurred. Feels like they're doing the gaslighting thing.

Sorry so long. Really upset and scared. Basically my question is will it be safe for me to complain to ombudsman. Scared partner will find out. Also do I have the right to see a copy of the risk assessment the refuge did on me. Like subject access request. Refuge saying they can't send it to me. Am upset with them and feel let down cos they kept saying to me was at risk of murder but the letter for housing didn't say I was at risk. Just said I stayed with them. The council saying that not enough evidence.

Tbh you're not making a lot if sense. If you are still living with this abusive partner then of course it wouldn't make sense to enter into correspondence with the council and complaining because in all likelihood he'd get wind of it. The safest course of action seems to be what the social worker suggested which is to rehouse you in a different location.

Sorry know am upset and not making sense.

Council I applied to is a different area. They saying they haven't got enough evidence I need to leave my area. The evidence they had was one hour detailed interview with me. I gave so much detail and it was a young man that interviewed me so feel dirty now. Also sent them letter from refuge. Refuge letter was crap thou so get why not accepted as evidence. Refuge kept telling me I was at risk of being killed but their letter to the council just says I stayed with them. The council ignored social services. Social worker contacted them and council didn't reply. In my complaint I asked why they didn't contact social services. They ignored my question and saying I didn't give consent which is a lie cos I emailed them giving the details and my consent. Also sent them my GP details cos GP saw injuries and knows situation bit they never contacted the GP. Their reply to my complaint says I didn't give consent so they lying.

I have to give up? Too dangerous to complain? I want to ask correspond email not post so he doesn't find out but probably can't trust them? Feel like mentally would help me to complain cos thou too late to help me, they shouldn't get away with it so other women get better help?

Is there a reason you can't go to a refuge further away and start the process again of you feel you are in danger? Have you got children?

Can you contact Women's Aid?

Am older now. No young children don't worry. Can't thru it all again. Took everything to trust them for help. Put my life in their hands. Too old and broken down worn out. Can't trust any of them. Too late anyway to rebuild my life. What's point of refuge again. Prolonging what comes next. Merry go round. Refuge, back home, refuge, back home or homeless. Council homeless application can't go through that again. So violating and made me feel dirty. What's the point. They breaking law easily. They so confident they leaving a written record of their law breaking. I never trust them now.

Give up on me but want to complain to ombudsman cos tiny hope maybe stop them getting away with again with other victims. Being stupid cos they'll get away with it. Maybe they say sorry and lessons be learned to me but they won't change. They relying on me too scared to go to ombudsman. They probably risk. Dangerous risk if partner finds out. I suppose have to give up. I'll print everything the proof of places letting me down and breaking law. Hope if I die, they're used in investigation. Thank you for help. Sorry for wasting your time.

All this "hope I die and they'll be sorry" attitude isn't going to change anything. Only you can do that. As PP posted, ring women's aid and start again. There are other options between being housed by the council and having to stay with your abuser.

Didnt mean it like that. They won't be sorry. They won't give a shit. Most they'll do is say that lessons will be learned pretend lie.

I just want to try to raise awareness and speak out like what people do when police failings and anything else cos same thing. People say why does it keep happening. Why men killing so many women. Why doesn't she leave. Why does she go back. Sometimes is trauma bond and thats cos not enough emotional and practical support sometimes but many times is cos nowhere safe to go.

Posts and threads and news going on about when police let victims down and just as important for people to know about the other problems cos am not only woman it's happening to. Even the domestic abuse organisations admit it cos their reports often say about lack of safe places for women to go and about not enough funding so badly trained support workers. They don't openly admit about some being bad people but I'm not lying. Many lovely kind people but bad ones exist and postcode lottery.

I know not enough people care cos women murdered all the time domestic violence and most people don't care enough cos happens again and again. Won't ever get better if the minority of people who do care don't even know why so bad for so many women.

Places like the councils break the law again and again. Happening to so many victims. Not enough people care so probably won't change and especially if not allowed to talk about it or do complaints. Sometimes some victims braver than me go further. Go to ombudsman. I know about it cos there be small article in local paper that's ignored by most people.

I want to be brave enough to take complaint further. Very dangerous the behaviour illegal behaviour of these councils. What's the point of another refuge? Still then have bad law breaking councils to deal with or just go home again or homeless.

Am older and no time left to rot in limbo forever merry go round of temporary home. If can't rebuild life, nothing to leave for. Want to make positive out of my bad experiences. They made me feel suicidal. What they doing to victims is very bad. Big safeguarding fail. I turn away from suicide to do good. Won't work cos people who want it hushed up want me to shut up and not enough people care about domestic abuse but won't give up until day I die.

Legal section posting here cos the council breaking law and dangerous cos lives at risk.