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Original poster

Access to property by ex - not owned by him

26 replies

irishoak · 21/09/2021 18:31

I'm not sure if anyone will really be able to help, as I'm in the Republic of Ireland rather than the UK, but it's difficult getting through to anyone at the moment to get any advice, so posting here.

Me and ex split up at Christmas, he was asked to leave at end of Jan due to his behaviour. He took some of his stuff with him, I've taken him some things since also. I've also sent him documents, written letter for official stuff, but I don't reply to messages asking how I am and have blocked him on social media, which I don't think he likes.

He now has a more settled place and wants the rest of his stuff, wants to come here and see everything and go through the house and get stuff, along with some guy he's working for who will give him a lift. I don't want him to come here. He was abusive and I don't feel safe with him and some random guy coming into the house I live in alone. I also feel like he's going to be trying to claim some things I have paid for are his, and don't want to be in the position where two men are intimidating me into giving over things I've paid for. So I said, I'll drop your stuff down to you.

Now he's saying he has a right to come into the house to get his things, and that he could maybe convinced not to come, whatever that means?? Does he have a legal right to enter the house? The house isn't owned by either of us, but belongs to my family. When he lived here he didn't pay any rent or bills (or anything at all, as he didn't work). I'm offering to take his things to him, so I'm not withholding them.

I'm just so worried about him turning up here, and I know whatever I say he will not like it. What are my/his legal rights here?

OP posts:
Original poster
irishoak · 21/09/2021 18:35

We are married by the way, although I'm not sure if that changes anything, as the property doesn't belong to either of us.

OP posts:
Iwantcauliflowercheese · 21/09/2021 18:40

I know nothing about Irish law, but surely if he doesn't own the property, he has no right to enter it. Pack up anything that belongs to him and leave it outside for collection and don't open the door

GivenUpEntirely · 21/09/2021 19:13

I can't imagine Irish law differs substantially to UK law in this respect but if there's no tenancy agreement with his name on it then he has no legal right to enter the property irrespective of whether you're married or not. If he's a named tenant then he may have a leg to stand on, but if that's the case make sure you have company when he arrives.

Please seek additional support if you think there's a genuine chance he may try to force entry. Would the Garda be worth approaching for advice?

Original poster
irishoak · 21/09/2021 19:26

@GivenUpEntirely no tenancy agreement, for either of us. It's just owned by my family and we were allowed to live there. Obviously his permission was revoked! I've phoned the Garda but they were fairly non committal... "sounds like he doesn't have any right to enter, you can always call if he turns up". Which is true, but I live rurally and so it could be half an hour or more before they turn up. I don't want a scene or a fight, I just want to be left in peace to try and get over it all.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 21/09/2021 19:34

Do you have a shed or something that you could leave his stuff in on a certain date? Or do you have a family members or friends who could be with you if you arrange a certain day for him to come and collect the stuff (that you’ll have collected up and put in the hall)?

negomi90 · 21/09/2021 19:37

I agree with @Honeyroar find a mutually beneficial place to put his stuff. If you can afford it, I'd pay for a storage locker for a week. Put his stuff in there and then let him collect it in his own time without involving you.

Original poster
irishoak · 21/09/2021 20:39

@Honeyroar no family or friends really in the area - moved here just before covid, and family that own the house now live abroad. I think that's part of why he feels like he can push things like this, knows I'm on my own.

Most of his stuff is boxed up, and has been since the week after he left, it's just things that were purchased by me for the house that I think he's going to be arguing over, or trying to claim were his.

Storage unit could be an idea, I just know whatever I do will wind him up, as he seems to have this idea that it's his right to go through everything in the house.

OP posts:
OwlBasket · 21/09/2021 21:10

Bless you ❤️ Dreadful situation. Maybe Womens Aid (or equivalent) could advise?

ANameChangeAgain · 21/09/2021 21:16

It sounds frightening. Change the locks in case he has a key, write to him via a solicitor telling him you will drop the stuff to his relative, repeating that the home owner has denied him access. Invest in a security camera.

EdgeOfTheSky · 21/09/2021 21:37

Have you changed the locks?

I agree with everyone else, leave his stuff in a neutral place or maybe get it delivered by a man and van.

Tell him you are doing this and check the time is convenient.

If he says he wants to come, say ‘that doesn’t suit me or feel comfortable for me. Do let me know if there is anything you want me to pack with your stuff that you think I may not have seen”.

If he persists “just to let you know, I have taken advice and you have no right to enter. Also I have enquired and the Garda will come if you try to enter my house. But there should be no need for that as I am happy to make sure you have all your belongings”

Can you get a Ring doorbell?

Ffs2020 · 21/09/2021 21:38

Ask the guards to mark your house as well as the potential location for an abusive incident. They did this for a friend of mine so that anyone who responded would have a grasp of the situation before arriving.

Original poster
irishoak · 21/09/2021 21:51

Thanks everyone - video doorbell was ordered yesterday and have a small security camera already. Think I have his key, but I take precautions with the locks anyway. Will see about getting them changed just in case.

Logically, I don't think he would come here - he wouldn't want the guards called for various reasons and I think he's busy pretending to be the nicest most reasonable man in the world. But, it keeps going around in my head and worrying me, which I suppose is half the reason he's playing this game. Doesn't feel like I'll ever be free of him.

OP posts:
Original poster
irishoak · 21/09/2021 21:55

I'm glad to hear that no one thinks he has right to access tho - again, when I'm feeling calm and able to think about it logically I know he hasn't any right, but it's sent me into such an anxious panic, the thought of him coming here and wanting to come into the house and argue about what's his and comment on the place I'm trying to make my safe home.

OP posts:
Collaborate · 22/09/2021 05:57

This thread is an example of why it can be dangerous to ask for advice from internet strangers who live in a different legal jurisdiction.

In England he would have a right to occupy the property, which could be enforceable on an application to court. If he were to force his way in when you aren’t there the legalities are very much a grey area.

Therefore the advice above may be incorrect for someone living in England.

You should absolutely not rely on any of the advice in this thread thinking that it tells you the law in Ireland. Take some of the practical advice by all means, but speak to an Irish lawyer, or take to google at the very least, to find out the rights an Irish spouse has to occupy a marital home.

EdgeOfTheSky · 22/09/2021 07:19

Talk to a lawyer OP, about the status of your marriage (is legally separated a thing in Ireland?) and about the status of the ‘marital home’.

Original poster
irishoak · 22/09/2021 09:48

Managed to get through to a legal advice centre this morning, so will be getting a call back from them this afternoon.

I hadn't got the legal separation yet, as I've been struggling a lot mentally and just haven't been able to deal with it all. I'm also very afraid of him (which he would scoff at and say there was no reason for) and self-esteem is at rock bottom, so it's all been a bit much for me this year. I think I will have to get a solicitor involved now though. Another year and a bit wait until I can apply for divorce here.

OP posts:
Original poster
irishoak · 30/09/2021 12:03

Just an update - after a lot of advice from different agencies and solicitors etc, it's established he has no legal right to enter the house.

However....he still won't arrange anything. I've sent another email just saying that I can drop stuff off or leave it somewhere and it just gets ignored while he goes on about assurances he'll get all his stuff and blah blah. Think he realises he hasn't got a leg to stand on, but won't give me an address or make arrangements.

All very stressful and not sure what the best way forward is.

OP posts:
Iwantcauliflowercheese · 30/09/2021 12:38

I left all my XP's stuff in bin bags on the doorstep. I told him what time I was putting it out and if it got stolen, it would be his fault for not collecting it. You probably know when he's not working etc so can plan to do that when you know that he will be free.

HouseOfFire · 30/09/2021 21:15

@Collaborate

This thread is an example of why it can be dangerous to ask for advice from internet strangers who live in a different legal jurisdiction.

In England he would have a right to occupy the property, which could be enforceable on an application to court. If he were to force his way in when you aren’t there the legalities are very much a grey area.

Is that right? He has no tenancy agreement, he doesn't have his name on the deeds, what rights would he have?
Genuine question

GettingItOutThere · 30/09/2021 22:30

@Collaborate

This thread is an example of why it can be dangerous to ask for advice from internet strangers who live in a different legal jurisdiction.

In England he would have a right to occupy the property, which could be enforceable on an application to court. If he were to force his way in when you aren’t there the legalities are very much a grey area.

Therefore the advice above may be incorrect for someone living in England.

You should absolutely not rely on any of the advice in this thread thinking that it tells you the law in Ireland. Take some of the practical advice by all means, but speak to an Irish lawyer, or take to google at the very least, to find out the rights an Irish spouse has to occupy a marital home.

but the lady said he isnt on the deeds/rental agreement etc (well neither are?) in england how would he have a right to enter ?(genuine question!) Its her family home. If it was his family home id imagine she would have no right to enter, but he would with family permission?

Anyhow OP - im glad you have legal advice, I would box his stuff up and tell him its outside on x date and you will not be responsible for it going missing.
or tell him it needs to go on x date or you will assume ownership through none collection and donate it (check legally this though !)

EdgeOfTheSky · 01/10/2021 07:06

OP, well done for getting the appropriate legal advice. It must be a relief to know that he has no right to enter your house.

It sounds as if you have no address for him? Because if you did I would send him a registered letter saying ‘your belongings will be delivered to ABC neutral destination at Time /Date ready for you collection’.

Otherwise just e mail him the same, and do it. But take someone with you.

Good luck!

QueenBee52 · 01/10/2021 14:13

Glad you checked this out legally OP.. and you're securing your property 🌸

Original poster
irishoak · 02/10/2021 18:39

Thanks everyone!

I know what area he's in (over an hour drive away) but not a specific address. I have an address for where he was, but I know he's moved and it's the new address he won't give me.

My first preference would be to drop it off to him or meet him somewhere, because I'd rather avoid him coming anywhere near the house at all. I know if he does come here, he'll be angling to come inside or potentially causing a scene outside. I spoke to the Garda again yesterday about the situation and they've put the situation in their records so that if I do have to call them, the info will be there. They also were very reassuring - told me I was doing the right thing, absolutely don't let him into the house, call the local station or 999 if he turns up.

So I'm still not sure how to move forward with it - I'm thinking I'm going to say he needs to give me an address to leave his things at by the end of the week, or I'll just take them to his last known address and leave them there.

He's also started messaging about how much he misses me Hmm

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 02/10/2021 18:56

He's also started messaging about how much he misses me

don't fall for it lady 🌸

YodaiamsaidI · 02/10/2021 19:06

Yep,give him a deadline then dump them where he used to live.