DV - ex arrested for Section 18 I'm terrified!

Pinkchicken85 · 13/09/2021 05:26

Haven’t got any practical advice as I’m unfamiliar with this process. But just here to say I’m sorry you’ve been through this and hope swift justice is done.

MaudebeGonne · 13/09/2021 05:43

Give all the texts to the police. Ask if you can be allocated an IDVA (Independent Domestic Violence Advocate) to support you through the process.

Don't worry about what you remember or don't remember - you are not on trial. The texts will help build the case. Just be honest - it is really normal for out brains to try and protect us from traumatic memories.

I can almost guarantee this man won't commit suicide, and if he does, it won't be because of you. I would also ask the Police what they are doing to keep you safe - extra security on your home, flag on your telephone number so if you call 999 because of him/his family you will be prioritised.

I think I read your previous thread (did you work in a Sports Centre?). You are doing the right thing, and you deserve to be safe and to be happy. It isn't an easy thing to do at all, and it isn't fair that you are caught up in it. None of this is your fault - all these consequences are on him. For what he did. This man would kill you in a heartbeat and then cry cos he got caught, and could say whatever he likes about you. You get your side, your truth, recorded and let him face up to his behaviour.

You are braver than you know. Best of luck to you.

Earlydancing · 13/09/2021 05:44

I guess this is a police prosecution. If so, you'll be giving a statement to a police officer, won't you? Take all the evidence along and ultimately the CPS will decide what evidence is submissable or not. If you can't remember something, be honest and say you can't remember. Don't lie or exaggerate. You can always add to your statement at a later date if you recall something.
Ultimately the cps will decide if the case goes to court so the decision will be out of your hands. He kicked you down stairs, broke ribs and did other damage to you. Do you not want him to have a consequence for that? If you don't want to go to court, then don't give a statement. But don't try and convince yourself it's because he might commit suicide. His actions are his alone, they're not your responsibility.

RIPIgglePiggle · 13/09/2021 06:04

He won’t commit suicidal, they never do. He should go to prison, he’s disgusting.

You won’t write your own statement the officer should write it for you. They might ask you to write out what you can remember from that day and any other incidents and communication so for example the text messages are essential supporting evidence here. Particularly as his likely defence would be that you fell given the hospital records. Your previous injuries and am explanation of how they were acquired, the messages to your friend and from his brother sounds to me to be sufficient to say he would we charged. Any other messages you have through your relationship or other witnesses you have disclosed abuse to are going to be very relevant here.

Can I ask if your case is being handled by a detective? Your OIC should be being supportive. In truth sometimes officers working in domestic abuse can get a little jaded as they experience so many cases where there insufficient evidence without the victim and victim doesn’t want to attend court. That’s not your fault though and you shouldn’t have to feel a lack of support because of it.

I have professional experience in domestic abuse you are welcome to contact me directly if you wish.

I would also suggest woman’s aid, NCDV, freedom programme for support

Have you got an IDVA?

PieonaBarm · 13/09/2021 06:05

I have quite an in-depth knowledge of these kind of investigations. The OIC will write your statement with you, let them worry about wording it.

There's a few things in concerned and unsure about. The Section 18 was due to him kicking me down some stairs resulting in me breaking some ribs (I think) but the police also have about 17 different images of other injuries I have recieved off him at different times. My OIC said to include this in my statement, but I've read otherwise that this will not be taken into account?

Include it, it shows the relationship history which is very important. It's upto the CPS if it's taken into account (in my experience it will be) even it's used as bad character to support the S18 rather than individual charges, it shows an abusive relationship and supports your account of this incident. If you didn't include it then told me about it I'd come and take an additional statement from you, it's important.
*
Also it might sound honestly really odd but I can't remember much of what happened on that one morning when he did it. I think PTSD or something like that has caused my mind to go blank on details so I'm worried about how to write my statement if I can't remember alot of it or how it will stand up if it goes to crown court.*

You can only say what you remember, don't make anything up, say it's affected your memory and that you think you're trying to block it out subconsciously as it was so horrific. If it goes to Crown Court the CPS believe there is enough evidence to convict. They wouldn't put you through a potential trial unless they're pretty damn sure. How it "stands up" is their problem not yours. You can only tell the truth. You have supporting evidence which you outline below, it's not just about the actual assault.
*
I did go to hospital and there is proof of my broken ribs, however I told the hospital that I had fell down the stairs as obviously I was scared* 😞

Happens all the time in domestic assaults, say you were scared and that's why you told the hospital this, which is the truth. Include it in your statement.
*
I also have quite a few messages from me to my best friend a few mins after it happened telling her what had gone on etc should I send these to my OIC or the police as evidence?*

Absolutely yes! First disclosure is fantastic evidence especially from the time it's happened,
*
There's also a message from his brother the day he got arrested saying that my ex has a temper etc and I should of known better and walked out and if I don't drop charges my ex will comitt - will this be used as evidence?*

Maybe, but it's important you tell the police about this message. It could be seen as witness intimidation which is also extremely serious.
*
Finally if this does go to crown court I am absolutely petrified of the whole ideal and especially getting cross examined 😞 and its going to sound really stupid but he has as he has got a very very long list of previous he will more than likely do time and I feel guilty for that and also worried he will comit suicide.*

It's not like on the tv, it's very calm. Yes you will get cross examined but all you do is tell the truth and then you can't go wrong. You ask for special measures and they'll screen you from him so you can't see him and he can't see you. There is only one person to blame if he does time - him. You didn't cause this. You might be worried about him but what he does or doesn't do is not your fault. He's abused you and is still trying to control you by getting his brother to contact you and say such things. The court will take a very dim view of this.

Ask the police to put you in touch with an IDVA (Independent Domestic Violence Advisor) they will support you with the investigation both now, through court and afterwards. They are fantastic people with a wealth of knowledge who can help you validate your feelings and help you through this. You can have as much or as little engagement with them as you like, but if you think you've got PTSD they absolutely will help you access help for it, and will help you even if you choose not to make a statement.

You are braver and stronger than you think, even just to get to the point where you are with an investigation is a huge step. Please access help from IDVA's if nothing else. Good luck x

Queenie6655 · 13/09/2021 23:11

You poor thing

This was me 4 years ago

Now the scummy bastard is in crown court next week

You got this

I too had your fears
I cried with the lovely DC working on the case
Told him i couldn't go ahead
Was so worried for his well being etc

Now I'm delighted yet very scared also

You must pursue this
Even to help the next innocent victim along the way

It is a bumpy road but there are lovely people out there who want to help us
You seem to have so much evidence
Let the cross examiner throw what they like at you- you stay calm and say it how it happened

Please stay strong xxxxxxxx

Justilou1 · 13/09/2021 23:25

On one hand, he may have done it before… You may be able to stop him from doing this again, etc… Assuming you can get access to the Claire’s Law info, that may help with that decision…
On the other hand, your first responsibility is your own physical and psychological safety. I suspect that if you let this go, the long-term consequences could potentially be more dire than continuing, but I do understand living in fear and looking over your shoulder all the time. Please look into moving closer to family support or getting extra police security. Let them know how utterly terrified you are and every single approach that is made by his family and friends, etc.

Original poster

Laladell · 14/09/2021 23:15

Hi everyone sorry I haven't replied I just feel so overwhelmed right now 🥺

Spoke to my OIC today and I kinda feel like he was putting me off doing a statement. I told him about the messages from me and my friend and he said it dosent really prove anything, he said he would take it as evidence when/if I put my statement in.
He told me my statement was me signing that I am going to go to court if he is charged he said that that he can't guarantee a charge as it's his word against mine even with the images, abusive messages and medical records, he said he can't guarantee I would get a screen in court either. Its just made me feel like if I do give a statement I don't really wana do it with him as idk I just feel like he dosent want to.

I have such an attachment to my ex even tho I hate him I still do love him and I feel so terrible for all of this.

My womans aid support worker has told me to list everything in bullet points this evening for a statement and she will call me tomorrow morning but I'm just sat here with a pen and paper crying. I'm so scared and stressed about this while situation I just don't know what to do

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Original poster

Laladell · 14/09/2021 23:18

@Queenie6655

You poor thing

This was me 4 years ago

Now the scummy bastard is in crown court next week

You got this

I too had your fears
I cried with the lovely DC working on the case
Told him i couldn't go ahead
Was so worried for his well being etc

Now I'm delighted yet very scared also

You must pursue this
Even to help the next innocent victim along the way

It is a bumpy road but there are lovely people out there who want to help us
You seem to have so much evidence
Let the cross examiner throw what they like at you- you stay calm and say it how it happened

Please stay strong xxxxxxxx

Does it get easier? The guilt I have is overwhelming even though I know he caused all of this. The officer in charge of my case dosent seem that supportive really which is making it harder for me. Everything's so scary and overwhelming atm 😞

Hope you are okay xxxxxx

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Justilou1 · 15/09/2021 07:52

Oh Darling, he sounds very dry. If it helps, I’m 49 and was sexually assaulted when I was 14. It really was a different world then, especially where I live, and my family situation wasn’t good either. Now I have kids of my own, I regret not pressing charges - not because of the risk posed to my own kids, but because I know I carry psychological scars that may have been mitigated by this. (Also know I would have had a lot more support in the way of counselling had he been charged.)

JaniceBattersby · 15/09/2021 23:28

This police officer sounds not great, on the face of it. I’ve never seen an application for screens turned down in a serious DV case. It’s absolutely not your word against his and all of your texts should be used as evidence.

Is the OIC from a specialist DV team? He sounds very blasé about the whole thing which is worrying. A GBH offence is incredibly serious.

If I were you I would absolutely give a statement and try to get this monster behind bars. How dare he treat your life with such disdain.

The crown court process is much easier for victims these days. You will not be unfairly questioned and you will be able to have a screen.

And most of these men plead guilty on the day of trial when they see you’ve actually turned up. You not wanting to give evidence is their banker.

Sending strength to you OP.

Original poster

Laladell · 16/09/2021 09:24

I did my statement lastnight. It took hours and hours and hours and it was hard having to think about him so much and think about everything as I hate having to think about him tbh but it went okay. They are also gona need a statement off my best friend and they still haven't gone through his phone yet which could take months so he probs won't get charged on the 24th he will either be rebailed or released pending evidence and then cps will decide qhats happening but I should get called fri about my non mol.

I still feel alot of guilt for all of this and the officer said he will probably be looking at time if found guilty which is hard for me I guess but I hope with counselling it should help me realise that this was his doing. I know the situation logically if that makes sense but I just can't see it that way. I woke up this morning and I'm really questioning if I did the right thing or not. It's so hard

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StarCat2020 · 16/09/2021 09:29

Section 18 Offences Against The Person Act??

GBH with intent??

Don't feel bad, the bastard could have killed you.

Queenie6655 · 16/09/2021 16:41

@Laladell

I did my statement lastnight. It took hours and hours and hours and it was hard having to think about him so much and think about everything as I hate having to think about him tbh but it went okay. They are also gona need a statement off my best friend and they still haven't gone through his phone yet which could take months so he probs won't get charged on the 24th he will either be rebailed or released pending evidence and then cps will decide qhats happening but I should get called fri about my non mol.

I still feel alot of guilt for all of this and the officer said he will probably be looking at time if found guilty which is hard for me I guess but I hope with counselling it should help me realise that this was his doing. I know the situation logically if that makes sense but I just can't see it that way. I woke up this morning and I'm really questioning if I did the right thing or not. It's so hard

Gosh you did the right thing

So hard

But you have done it

Well done

Sadly it takes time
CPs may ask for more info etc so don't expect an answer quickly

Try to block him from your head and never ever contact him again

HotPenguin · 16/09/2021 17:01

I remember your other thread and I'm glad you've done this. People like this don't stop unless they are put behind bars.

Fallingirl · 17/09/2021 01:08

Well done, Lala. You did the right thing.

Hopefully he will do time. Something has to happen to make him rethink his ways.

As it is, he is the most awful father his son could have. For that little boy’s sake, your ex must learn he cannot treat women as punchbags. Could you think of a worse role model for a boy to grow up with? Whatever his family may hurl at you, the best thing that could happen is that your ex goes to prison and learns his actions have consequences.

It’s hard that the process is so long and drawn out. I hope the Women’s Aid worker is there for you throughout. I think you said she was really supportive?

Try to be extra kind to yourself and post here whenever you need to (and don’t feel any obligation to update unless you want to)

I hope your new job is going well and turns out to be better than the last one!

Original poster

Laladell · 18/09/2021 16:42

@Fallingirl

Well done, Lala. You did the right thing.

Hopefully he will do time. Something has to happen to make him rethink his ways.

As it is, he is the most awful father his son could have. For that little boy’s sake, your ex must learn he cannot treat women as punchbags. Could you think of a worse role model for a boy to grow up with? Whatever his family may hurl at you, the best thing that could happen is that your ex goes to prison and learns his actions have consequences.

It’s hard that the process is so long and drawn out. I hope the Women’s Aid worker is there for you throughout. I think you said she was really supportive?

Try to be extra kind to yourself and post here whenever you need to (and don’t feel any obligation to update unless you want to)

I hope your new job is going well and turns out to be better than the last one!

Thank you so much x

It's just a really emotional time it's so hard as I'm not only grieving a break up but also going through this too 😫 hopefully time will help me heal.

V worried about new job now as I found out yday I will have to attend two court hearings for my non mol which will be the first week I start, it needs to be done this wk so it can be served before he answers bail 😩

Thank you for everyone's messages it does mean so much xx

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