Hi, just looking for some advice really.
The background is that my ex partner and I seperated about a year ago. We're not married but have a 3 and 2 year old. We're still living together. He will only let me buy his share of the house (and go on to buy his own house) if I agree to 50 50 child residency. And he wants this written up as a legally binding consent order which would go though the courts.
We have done mediation and came up with a 50 50 plan that I am prepared to give a trial of but I really don't feel prepared to sign anything legally binding.
I was very anti 50 50 initially as I felt my children need a stable home and was angry as he was emotionally abusive and coercive throughout the relationship. I was also angry that he should get 50 50 when I have done the vast amount of childcare to date. Although with time I've come to realise that he is brilliant with our kids and I think if this is something he really really wants then we should do a trial.
I have serious doubts he will be able to manage the 50 50 though. He's a teacher and is so stressed with work in term time. He's frequently ill with flu or a bad back and is incredibly lazy with housework. So I think a trial is appropriate and then we could adjust arrangements if needed. The reason he wants the consent order is because he doesn't trust me as I was so anti shared residency originally. He has spoken to a lawyer who has suggested consent order and advised that he needs to have 50% of nights.
My problem is that I really don't want to sign this consent order. He is a bully and a difficult character in general and I don't want to be tied to an agreement that doesn't work.
However, if I don't sign the agreement, I can't buy him out of the house. So our only option would be to sell the house. I would definitely have to downsize to a 2 bed flat (probably in a different area). This is because house prices have gone up quite a bit since we bought our place. Ex is happy for me to buy our house at the original price we paid if I agree to the consent order. He has just been give a huge amount of money from parents. I'm feeling like now he has this money he has more power.
I feel like I have 2 options: sign the order and keep my house (and take a gamble with what will come). It could work out well as the girls would have some stability in the home they already know. My ex may well change his ways and manage the 50 50 really well. Or if he doesn't cope, maybe that's okay too as I can pick up what he can't do?
Or my second option is to sell up, downside and apply for my own court order. I would probably push for a 60:40 agreement. This is because of his significant stress levels during term time and going by historical contributions (none to housework/maintence, minimal childcare in term time). I would push for him to have them more in holidays and me more in term time averaging out at 60 40.
I just don't know what to do and am feeling so stressed out right now! I've had some legal advice but they've just suggested selling and then agreeing childcare arrangements after as both things are dealt with seperately in court.
Also, just wondered if me living in a 2 bed flat and him living in a big house would affect my chances in court of getting more than a 50% share. The girls already share a room in our house. Ex has also dropped a day at work as he can now afford this. I am currently full time. I'm doing a course which I get paid for. My work have said I could potentially defer for a year and work for them in a less senior role part time for the year. I'm thinking this would be a good option if I go down the court order route?
Any insights would be greatly appreciated. I can't really think straight at the moment and don't want to make a bad decision. Family and friends are all giving conflicting advice. TIA:)