Child Custody/ threats ????

[Loz221]

So this is on behalf of a friend, My friend and his partner have split, they have a 3 year old child my friend is having his son 50/50 , wants no less , they had a rota in place for a couple months that was revolving around his ex partners rotating unsocial hours shift pattern, she still had to get family to help with childcare too. Now my friend had proposed a different 2 week rota which is basically 4 nights one week including the weekend then 3 the next not including the weekend, so they are just swapping. It’s completely 50/50 and fair, more consistent for their child , better schedule, enables my friend to take advantage of overtime at work ( he practically their son every weekend in the previous one), quality time with his son and still able to live his life, whilst also still helping her out for some or her shifts, for example 3/5 of her weekday shifts one week and 2/5 the next, then rotate.

Anyway the issue now is she is saying if he doesn’t have their son on certain days she suggests she will have to leave her job ( she does have family to help out, they already do) and threatening if she has to leave her job my friend will not have their son 50/50 , threatening he will have him once a weekend and he will have to pay her £100 a week in maintenance. My friend is very present, he is able to have their child and his work does not get in the way of it , he’s always been present when a couple too, hands on and a good person. I guess my question is Does the fact my friend will not have him the exact nights she wants for her shifts go against him atall?

He needs to go to court and have a proper child care arrangement set up

He is currently contacting family law I believe , as she isn’t compromising. I was just wondering if the fact he isn’t bowing down to her needs on when to have their child even though he still has him 50% if that would go against him?

Neither parent has the right to dictate. He's doing the right thing taking the legal route.

Neither parent has the right to dictate but the mediator (it's compulsory to use one before going to court) will encourage both parents to take into account work shifts particularly antisocial hours eg if mum works in retail and works every Saturday and 50% of Sundays but never on Mondays and Tuesdays and dad works Monday to Friday then it's completely reasonable that dad has the child every Saturday and the 50% of Sundays she's at work and she always has her days off

Yep this will be easily accepted at court. If he takes her to court he can propose his idea. Court will start at 50/50 and as long as your friends plan is fair on the children. They won’t give a fuck about what ex has to say.
Honestly just tell your friend to shut this crap down now. Go to court. 50/50 no maintenance has to change hands either.

That makes sense, although she works 5 days a week , she basically wants my friend to have their child 3-5 days every weekday so she can work her evenings and night shifts and not ask family for help. He has proposed 3 one week, 2 the next. He’s compromised, but she wants more.

@RosesandPumpkins very true , I guess the worry is if the courts will see him not having their child the exact days she demands will him being seen as unfair.

The court has the power to tell them that it’s going to be one week on and one week off.
The courts want the parents to decide days. They don’t give a shit about who does what day.
They don’t care about work rota’s. They want a clean and simple split that works in the kids best interests.
Half a week each is best for the kids as there’s less to and fro.
He’ll need to do mediation first though. That might be enough to get ex to agree to something sensible.

@RosesandPumpkins that makes sense , thank you. He’s in the process waiting for an appointment , not sure she’ll agree as she’s stated ‘you’re welcome to book mediation , I’ll win’ doesn’t sound like she’s going in with a positive attitude.

No. But she’s being a goady fucker because how the fuck does she know she’ll win?!
Take her to mediation and court and get a proper agreement in place.

@RosesandPumpkins I like your wording hahahah! Plus you’re speaking the truth for sure. Thank you

@Loz221
Are you more involved with this than you’re letting on?

While the ex sounds a bit confrontational, in my experience the court will consider both parties work schedules as any arrangement has to be workable. They also won't expect 3rd parties to help.

@Loz221 Involved? what do you mean by this exactly?

@Cleverpolly3

@Pinkyxx Hmm interesting as she has family members as regular childcare. It has escalated to mediation etc now anyway, they both seem to actually be half agreeing and compromising now but mediation / court is probably the best solution. If you don’t mind me asking have you been through this yourself?

@Loz221 yes I have been through this myself. I stand by my statement that the court won't demand / expect family members to provide childcare even if you friend argues they could - and yes I have direct experience of this being put forward as an argument in a final contested hearing.

[quote Loz221]@Loz221 Involved? what do you mean by this exactly?[/quote]
I think they’re asking if this is your boyfriend?

I was awarded 50/50 as a full time working dad so the assumption would have been that childcare was to be arranged during my working week.

Funnily, it's my ex who uses all the childcare and I am the one who works around my daughter to ensure we are always together doing things.

I suspect this is all down to individual circumstances.

Oh I see 🙄 no it isn’t , it’s a family friend not that it matters.

@Pinkyxx thank you

@Skeptadad Sounds a very similar situation, glad it worked our for you.