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Original poster

Change of residency over neglect and alienation?

21 replies

BeeepBeeepBeeep · 17/08/2021 15:10

A few years ago DH applied for residency of his DS (now 8) due to his exes neglect of their child and her violent drug dealing BF.

Ex moved away with DS and went on parenting courses etc and was awarded residency with us seeing DS for holidays due to distance.

Several concerning things have happened since.

A few months later she had another boyfriend who had a criminal record for assault, DS then claimed he hit him so social services said no unsupervised contact.

He wasn’t told by his ex that DS has special educational needs (despite court order requesting he be kept informed re schooling) until two years later after initial assessment which is shocking.

DH bought a kindle for DS so he could talk to him on a video call more easily (also court ordered) which ex took to the police as she thought he was using it to spy on her. He wasn’t but this frustrated contact for 6 weeks.

DS’s teeth are in an awful state with thick plaque on his new teeth which aren’t even fully through yet. He really didn’t want to leave us at the end of this visit.

Ex has a long history of mental and physical health problems and her behaviour is increasingly erratic, not bringing DS when she’s supposed to and now saying she has no internet connection so can no longer video call.

Would any of this be grounds to apply for an emergency residency order?

Tia

OP posts:
Collaborate · 17/08/2021 16:38

Who only has supervised contact? I'm confused.

I don't think you'd get an emergency hearing but may be worthwhile taking it back to court. He should get an appointment with a solicitor to offer advice on the merits of such an application.

RedHelenB · 17/08/2021 16:55

@Collaborate

Who only has supervised contact? I'm confused.

I don't think you'd get an emergency hearing but may be worthwhile taking it back to court. He should get an appointment with a solicitor to offer advice on the merits of such an application.

I imagine the mother'sboyfriend seeing as the child's mother has been awarded residency. Holidays with the child's fathet. I'm assuming social services are ok with the arrangements as they stand. Plaque on teeth and being told about SEN aren't significant enough events to merit a change in residency.
Original poster
BeeepBeeepBeeep · 17/08/2021 17:06

Sorry, yes the boyfriend (now ex) was not allowed to be alone with DS.

She was awarded residency as she was the main carer and the court wanted to give her another chance rather than uproot DS. If she hadn’t moved so far away the judge would have awarded 50/50 residency.

She hasn’t kept him safe or provided him with a home where his needs are met and he thrives. It’s sad and frustrating to watch the sad inevitability of it.

OP posts:
nevernotstruggling · 17/08/2021 17:09

If your partner is concerned for the child's welfare he can simply exercise his parental responsibility, retain the child and request a hearing. Furthermore he can ask the local authority for assessment.

Original poster
BeeepBeeepBeeep · 17/08/2021 17:10

DH was awarded every holiday/half term and 10 weekends a year for DS to spend with either DH or his family (who live close to DS).
Also, video calling once a week.

It was also court ordered that ex give DH details of any partner she’s going to introduce to DS and that DH be kept up to date with all things school and medical related.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeeepBeeepBeeep · 17/08/2021 17:11

@nevernotstruggling

If your partner is concerned for the child's welfare he can simply exercise his parental responsibility, retain the child and request a hearing. Furthermore he can ask the local authority for assessment.
Would this be adequate reason to request an emergency hearing?
OP posts:
Original poster
BeeepBeeepBeeep · 17/08/2021 17:11

By adequate reason, I mean the things stated above

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 17/08/2021 17:13

Your dp needs to contact the school directly to get copies of anything regarding SEN meetings, plans etc.

Theunamedcat · 17/08/2021 17:13

The plaque on teeth is it because he refuses to brush? My sen children have massive issues in this area and it seems common if they have spd

Re not being informed about sen why didn't the school send him a copy of the assessment? The school should be doing this as well as school reports etc

Original poster
BeeepBeeepBeeep · 17/08/2021 17:20

@RedHelenB

Your dp needs to contact the school directly to get copies of anything regarding SEN meetings, plans etc.
Yes he’s done that and spoken to the teachers at length. Their SEN policy states parents should be involved throughout the process but we assume they thought DS’s mother would have informed DH.

They feel he has cognitive difficulties rather than ASD. He really struggles with literacy and numeracy. would hazard a guess it has a lot to do with lack of any stimulation or input from home.

OP posts:
Jinxdoesit · 17/08/2021 17:20

I don't think there's enough to request an emergency hearing but I would collect more evidence of cumulative neglect to return to court for a change in residency. Contact the school and request his attendence records, anything below 80% requires the school to inform social services. Ask the school for copies of his pastoral notes, this will include any 'minor' concerns they may have had, such as coming in unclean or saying worrying things about home, etc. Also ask for details of his homework record, if he returns homework in regularly or not. Also contact his dentist and find out if he has been attending regular check ups.
These are all things that easily get missed as on their own people don't see them as much, but schools, social services and the courts should recognise the cumulative effects as it all builds a picture and can be a warning sign of children not receiving the support and care they need to thrive at home.

Original poster
BeeepBeeepBeeep · 17/08/2021 17:23

@Theunamedcat

The plaque on teeth is it because he refuses to brush? My sen children have massive issues in this area and it seems common if they have spd

Re not being informed about sen why didn't the school send him a copy of the assessment? The school should be doing this as well as school reports etc

He says mummy forgets to tell him to brush and he does have a lot of sugar. He’s very good at brushing his teeth here along with his siblings. I have DC from previous marriage and we have one child together.
OP posts:
Original poster
BeeepBeeepBeeep · 17/08/2021 17:25

@Jinxdoesit

I don't think there's enough to request an emergency hearing but I would collect more evidence of cumulative neglect to return to court for a change in residency. Contact the school and request his attendence records, anything below 80% requires the school to inform social services. Ask the school for copies of his pastoral notes, this will include any 'minor' concerns they may have had, such as coming in unclean or saying worrying things about home, etc. Also ask for details of his homework record, if he returns homework in regularly or not. Also contact his dentist and find out if he has been attending regular check ups. These are all things that easily get missed as on their own people don't see them as much, but schools, social services and the courts should recognise the cumulative effects as it all builds a picture and can be a warning sign of children not receiving the support and care they need to thrive at home.
Yes attendance was low, I can’t remember exactly what. Will call dentist tomorrow.
OP posts:
Original poster
BeeepBeeepBeeep · 17/08/2021 17:26

Thank you everyone, some great advice Flowers

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 17/08/2021 17:29

Nothing you have put here represents immediate risk to safety so as an emergency, no. It would not be received well if he refused to return him without reasonable grounds. He can certainly apply for a change to the contact arrangements however and it sounds like that might be warranted.

JackieChiles · 17/08/2021 17:33

You sound like a really caring stepmum. I don’t have any info to help you but just wanted to mention that. So often here the posts are from women who want to see their stepchildren as little as possible.

Original poster
BeeepBeeepBeeep · 17/08/2021 17:37

It’s just very difficult to imagine how they could change the court order without her coming to live with us as we have as much contact as they could award with living so far away (5 hour drive).

I never understand the posts where step parents want to see less of their step children. I was in tears after she left on her last visit, knowing what she was returning to and that she didn’t want to leave us.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeeepBeeepBeeep · 17/08/2021 20:13

Is there anything else we should be looking into with regards to with his welfare? Cafcass were useless last time, the report was really brief and full of mistakes.

OP posts:
femfemlicious · 17/08/2021 20:19

Is it he or she

nevernotstruggling · 18/08/2021 12:25

@BeeepBeeepBeeep

By adequate reason, I mean the things stated above
The parent doesn't need an emergency hearing to retain the child. He css as n simply retain the child and either make an application himself or assume that the mother will.
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 18/08/2021 12:33

Yes he can retain the child but in the absense of emergency reasons to do so, this will not appear to his favour.

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