Can you get a specific issue order without notice?

[QuestionableDanceMoves]

I have the chance to take my DC away next summer for the whole summer holidays- 34 days in total.
We were originally due to do a shorter trip in 2020 but it got cancelled and rearranged for this year, cancelled again and now looking at making it a mega trip.
I am a single parent, exhusband has no contact with DC at his own choice, we do have a CAO which he stuck to for all of 3 weeks before texting me to cut off contact with the DC.
For our 2020 trip he said he would write a letter giving permission even though I don’t really need one because I have residency. For the rearranged trip that was going to be over 28 days he went full on control mode wanted the kids passport numbers, reservation numbers, exact name of any taxi firm we’d be using, day by day itinerary etc
When I explained I couldn’t give all of that until it was booked and I couldn’t book it until I had the letter because I didn’t trust that he wouldn’t withhold permission and then I’d be screwed over financially.
In the end his wife sent me a letter in her hand writing that he had signed that was promising me a letter of permission once the trip had been booked so I shaved off 2 days and brought it back to 28 to save on the hassle.
Now we are at the point where he hasn’t seen or spoken to the DC in almost 2 years, I have his and his wife’s numbers blocked due to their constant abuse towards me- I had to get the police involved in jan/feb because of their harassment of me.
The holiday from 2020 is being rearranged for next year but I really want to make the most of it as the chance to repeat it is next to none.
I don’t want to contact him to ask for permission as it opens a can of worms nor do I want to go back to court to get an order for permission as he will use that as an opportunity to get at me- he doesn’t give a toss about the kids whatsoever.
So, can I apply for a specific issue order without him being made aware? If I can then that’s what I’ll do, if not then I guess the trip will have to be changed

No, you can't. He'll be informed.

But you will get the order if you apply - his conduct is unreasonable. At best you will be told to tell him the flight dates for departure and arrival. You will not have to give a day to day itinery. That's controlling.

If he hasn't seen the kids for two years how will he even know you're going?

He won’t know we are going, I am more concerned about trouble at immigration seeing as you are supposed to have the other parents permission to leave the country with the kids. I don’t want to pay for a holiday, look forward to it, get to the airport and then be told we can’t travel because I don’t have his written permission- or worse, fly all the way to the USA and then be refused entry for not having his permission.

I really don’t want to go back to court if he’ll be aware and present- it will just open up a huge can of worms and will give him and his wife an in to start their abuse again.

Just apply for the SIO. It's a couple of hundred quid and you can self-rep as it seems very straightforward.

My ex contested a 2 week holiday so I applied for SIO, he graciously granted permission (on his very very expensive solicitor's advice) the day before we were due to be in court, I still went to court by myself and the judge almost laughed about the pettiness.

Could he not use us being in court as a chance to start up CAO proceedings again though? I don’t want all that kicking off again- I just want to go on holiday without risk of being refused

The only way to do it then would be through court. Do you really think he's going to magically become an involved parent after all this time?

Whenever I have taken my daughter away (different last name to me) I just take her birth certificate which names me as her mother. Never been asked for a letter of permission from her dad. Has he previously blocked passports? If you have a CAO I would also take that which will say you can take them on holiday.

@namechangerforthisconfessionn the issue is I want to take them away for longer than the CAO allows and he won’t give permission for me to do that- he wants me to book everything, give him a daily itinerary, name specific taxi companies etc and then he said he would “consider” writing a letter for us which in the real world means he wouldn’t.

@Couldhavebeenme2 I don’t think he’d become an involved parent at all, I think he’d use it as an opportunity to do what he did last time which was drag everything out for 2 years, use what contact he was granted as a chance to abuse me etc
The kids are so much happier now that he’s dropped off the radar I’m worried the court would say contact has to resume and then we’d be back to square one again.

I think I need to speak to a lawyer to see if me applying for a SIO would give him the chance to bring up contact arrangements or whether he would need to apply for that himself. I will go ahead with the SIO application if the answer is that he’d need to do his own application at his own expense

I would do a 28 day trip if you don't need permission for that. Definitely don't want to rock the boat if it's calm at the moment.

I concur with @Catawaul. It is very annoying but the other approach may signify reduce the enjoyment of your trip and sounds like you’re concerned it may also have other undesirable consequences.

I know it would make sense to do 28 days instead of the 34/35 I want but it is so annoying that we have this amazing opportunity to do truly once in a lifetime trip especially after everything the last god knows how many years have thrown at us and yet he is still a controlling presence around our ability to do that.
Think I’ve just had enough of living my life being dictated to by him and really wanted to break out of that.

OP I have entered the USA repeatedly over the past decade with my kids and without their father. We are together and married but have different last names and rarely travel together. I have never once been asked where he is or whether I have his permission. Is this something you have a realistic expectation will happen?

@Nandocushion it’s not that I expect it just that, legally, you’re supposed to have permission either from the other person with parental responsibility or the court to take your kids out of the country.
I know the chances of being asked for proof of permission are probably quite slim, more so given we have the same surname, but knowing my luck I would be stopped and asked for it and then what would happen? We’d be sent back to the UK and I could potentially be charged with kidnapping as that’s what it’s classed as when you don’t have written permission.

@Nandocushion

OP I have entered the USA repeatedly over the past decade with my kids and without their father. We are together and married but have different last names and rarely travel together. I have never once been asked where he is or whether I have his permission. Is this something you have a realistic expectation will happen?

I made 2 trips to the USA and a dozen to Europe with the dc and was only questioned once travelling over a European border (not the UK). I travel at all times with my marriage and divorce papers, the dc birth certificates, but the only solid gold document is my residency order.

Your ex would need to make a separate application for contact, he cannot piggyback off your SIO application (as far as I know)