How to get Power of Attorney? Unwell MIL

[OnceUponAMidnightBeery]

My MIL recently had a stroke and is in hospital. She has been ignoring the bills and her own health/surroundings for some time.

Bills and debt collectors letters are building up. She’s not an easy woman to deal with, and she shuts down any discussion straight away or just ignores it.

She’s now showing a lot of signs of not being mentally ‘with it’, asking repeatedly after her long dead DH is just one example, there are many, many more.

My DH is very worried about it - unfortunately we have no way to pay the bills ourselves or of course we would do.

What are the next steps, what do we need to do? How can we get these bills paid when the companies won’t deal with us and MIL isn’t able to?

Advice desperately needed!

Not in the UK so may be different but, where I am, you can’t “get” enduring power of attorney, it has to be given.

The individual also has to be of entirely sound mind, which it doesn’t sound like your MIL is.

In the case of my FIL, he had dementia and MIL had to apply through the courts. It was a very long and expensive process involving lots of medical assessments.

If she isn’t mentally capable then it’s a long road to get a POA thru the court of protection. My parents had to get one for my GM who had dementia it was done via a solicitor. It’s not a poa it has a different name but does the same.
You can speak with adult social services they maybe able to help and point you in the right direction.

Yes does depend if she would be classed as mentally capable now as otherwise too late. The info is all on gov.uk, have you googled it?

As PP said, if she's no longer capable then she's not longer able to grant you POA powers.

If she's lost mental capacity (she's not able to make rational decisions) you need to apply for a deputyship order through the court of protection.

If she's still got mental capacity you'll need a power of attorney, through the office of the public guardian.

Contact Office of the Public Guardian

As above a person can only consent to POA whilst they still have capacity. Once they are deemed to not have capacity ( usually tested by a health professional or social worker) then you have to apply through the office of the public guardian

Thank you everyone, it’s difficult to tell if she would be classed as mentally capable atm. I really don’t think so, but she has previously behaved differently and much more incapable around DH than she does to other people.

Do we need to get a Dr to assess her as mentally capable or not before we look into the deputyship order?

Sorry, googling just led me round in circles, but I’ll try gov.uk again, thank you @PaddleBlue

Even if she was mentally capable, she’d still possibly refuse to do it, what then?

@OverByYer sorry, cross posted, thank you.

You could speak to her care team in the hospital, are they concerned about her going home? Could she car for herself?

Really thank you all. Social workers are giving us the run around, but we’ll keep trying them.

Im actually in the process of this right now

You need to apply for deputyship in the city of protection as others said. There are two types, you can apply for one or both. One is for finances, one is for health and welfare.

A doctor definitely has to assess her - my parent has been sectioned with dementia and I'm still chasing the forms after their second section has been approved...

@OverByYer

You could speak to her care team in the hospital, are they concerned about her going home? Could she car for herself?

We honestly don’t think so. Even if she could, her house isn’t in a fit state to live in now, and would require a major deep clean, a social worker did come and inspect it, and he said he wouldn’t let her come home at this point. There’s no way we could pay for the cleaners unfortunately, so it’d just be me and DH trying to sort it around our work etc.

It’s bloody difficult, and she just won’t discuss it with us.

Given her current condition, a solicitor will require a doctor's letter to confirm whether your MIL has sufficient mental capability to provide her instructions to the solicitor to prepare Lasting powers of attorney.

From your post, it seems unlikely MIL can give instructions so a deputyship application seems likely for which you/DH (whoever is applying to be deputy) will need to instruct a solicitor. Be aware it is a very detailed, costly and lengthy application.

You won't be able to access MIL assets until the deputyship order is issued.

I am so sorry for your situation- this sounds so challenging at a really difficult time.

Obviously your immediate concern is resolving the situation with your poorly mother-in-law, but I would encourage you to think about a POA for you and your loved ones. It's only as a consequence of dealing with a situation similar to yours we all have one. I do hope you get this resolved.

@SealingRose

Im actually in the process of this right now

You need to apply for deputyship in the city of protection as others said. There are two types, you can apply for one or both. One is for finances, one is for health and welfare.

A doctor definitely has to assess her - my parent has been sectioned with dementia and I'm still chasing the forms after their second section has been approved...

Thank you @SealingRose, that’s really helpful. I’m so sorry you’re going through this too.

We’re just never sure if we’re seeing the whole picture, she sadly has a lot of narcissistic tendencies, and has presented very differently to different people in the past.

Hence why she may or may not have mental capacity, and the uncertainty of where to go from here.

@MrsSiba @DivaBeliever thank you both. We’re obviously incredibly worried about her and desperate to help. She has animals at her house too, so cutting off electricity etc would be a disaster.

Honestly MN has given us more helpful advice tonight than the social workers, care team, and doctors combined, really, really, thank you.

This is the page for power of attorney and has contact details for office of the public guardian including phone number www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

There is a page here on mental capacity www.gov.uk/make-decisions-for-someone/assessing-mental-capacity

And this is for deputies for someone who doesn’t have capacity www.gov.uk/become-deputy

Age UK page and they also have a helpline www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/legal-issues/power-of-attorney/what-happens-if-you-dont-have-a-power-of-attorney/

I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s tough

Citizens Advice may also be able to help give advice around this.

But I would keep pushing for a medical professional to assess her capacity first given what you say.

Thank you @PaddleBlue, that is really helpful, and I’ll look into all your links. It seemed a bit of a maze as I didn’t even know where to start.

I’ll keep pushing, DH has a meeting with a social worker and his Mum next week... finally. It will be interesting as they both have heard different versions as to how capable she is.

I’m so grateful for all your advice, thank you. At least we know where we’re heading now and can start the wheels turning.

You’re welcome. Try and read up as much as you can and you have to push very hard sometimes to get what you need. Be very clear with them and if possible it’s good to take written notes with you so you can refer to them. With social worker depending on how things go I also would follow up in written form (email) if possible so you have communications in writing if you need to refer back to them.

Thank you again @PaddleBlue, think I might need to be more involved as DH is completely overwhelmed and I’m the more practical one, unfortunately as DIL I have virtually no input.

We’ll keep going, and now we know the right roads thanks to everyone here.

Will make sure everything is in written form, so far there’s been a few verbal promises but no action, or even advice of where to go next.

Going to need to hike up my big girl pants for this one!

contact the utilities companies and explain the situation.
ask for MIL's account to be listed as a priority customer due to her vulnerability/age/health.

it is then unlikely that services would be cut off.
you can also give your details as a contact person while she is in hosp.
good luck.

Your MIL’s capacity doesn’t have to be assessed by anyone for you to obtain power of attorney. She just needs to have sufficient capacity to understand what it means, why she needs to grant, the outcome and to agree to it.

The process is straightforward and clearly explained on the gov uk website. You need four people to complete the forms: your MIl, the person nominated as attorney, a ‘certificate provider’ (someone who is not a relative who has known your MIL well for two years) and a witness. The four people complete the form. You then pay online.

If she won’t agree or hasn’t the level of capacity outlined above you need to apply for deputyship. This will involve having her lack of capacity assessed.