Post- nuptial / Divorce

[HBA1981]

Wondering if anyone has been through similar and can offer some advice. - Sorry it’s long !

I Have been separated from my DH for two years but still living together for many reasons, one being my son is at a very good SEN school and if we sold up would be unable to continue there as I would not be able to afford to stay in area, also would not be able to buy on own in local area so would mean that shared childcare would be difficult and I would not be able to work.

We split up as he was very controlling and coercive, but he admitted this and has addressed these issues so is actually easy to live with but due to the length of time I’ve been controlled I don’t want to be in a relationship with him and he knows this.

Since we have separated we have separate beds and are like housemates I guess. He never gave me any money whist I was not working and looking after the children and is very money orientated- hence this post.

We have been getting a long ok and there have been no problems with splitting bills 50-50 and he is more involved in caring for the children and is willing to share childcare now so I can work.

However his DM has just passed away and he will be inheriting some money. Approx (180-190k).

DH wants a contract to say that he will keep all of that money if we ever divorce, I am also not on the deeds of the property or on the mortgage of the house.

DH wants to put a contact in place with a solicitor that states I will only be entitled to 50% of the house but that everything in his bank is his and mine is mine. He has worked all the way through our marriage whilst I stopped once we had children - so he has savings and I don’t.

I am about to start work so this is not too much of a problem but I have three children and I am just worried that this will all get signed legally without me having time to ensure our children and I are protected.

The questions I have are;

1. If he draws up a contract with his solicitor, would this be legally binding in a divorce court.

2. his solicitor seems to think we can get divorced whilst still living in the same house and not having separate lives - (we eat together in the evenings and I wash everyone’s clothes together ) everything I have seen says this is not possible? He would want a divorce but on his terms and would want to do it out of court but I’m worried I would be totally shafted if this was the case as he has money for legal advice and I don’t and he knows this.

I don’t have access to any money to get legal advice at the moment as I’ve had to use all my savings to get through my degree ( which allows me to work and earn a good enough salary to support me and the children if necessary).

I just want some advice about contracts drawn up in marriage and if it would be better to cut my losses and just file for divorce and move out of the area but this would have significant implications for my sons education.

TIA

Are you in the UK?
If so, then as you are married, you will be entitled to a minimum of 50% of the house, possibly more due to your DS. You are also entitled to 50% of all savings - even the ones just in his name. Don’t forget a share of his pension too. There may even be a possibility that you can claim 50% of this inheritance if it comes through whilst you’re still married.
You actually can’t afford NOT to get legal advice - he’s trying to well and truly shaft you.
On a side note, STOP DOING HIS WASHING!

Soontobe60 is guessing about what proportion of the assets you will get. You may be entitled to 50% of all marital assets but it is not guaranteed. It is unlikely you would be entitled to 50% of his inheritance. Provided his inheritance is kept separate, the courts will try to preserve it for him if you divorce and will only dip into it if there is no other way to meet your reasonable needs. However, she is right that you need to get proper legal advice. You cannot afford not to do so.

A post nuptial agreement is not binding but the courts will normally respect it provided both parties enter into it voluntarily, there is full financial disclosure and both parties get independent legal advice. The same is true of a separation agreement, which may be more appropriate in your situation. So again, you need legal advice.

You can divorce while living in the same house provided you can show that you are living separate lives. The fact you are in separate beds helps but you should stop eating together and doing his washing.

I have no idea what you mean by doing a divorce "out of court". The financial settlement is not binding until it is made into a court order.

Don't sign anything. He can't dictate what you will or won't be entitled to, only a judge can. And yes, stop doing stuff for him.

Thanks -

What I meant by out of court was that it was not contested with regards to splitting assets.

FWIW I don’t really care about the inheritance but I don’t want to find myself without anything or in a tangle if we divorce and then agree to stay in the house and then he drags his feet if I want to leave and won’t agree to sell.

When I wanted to sell the house he just stopped doing all the maintenance and then started to do work and then left it unfinished- so would be a nightmare to sell.

We don’t have a joint bank account and we have no joint savings as I was never allowed access to any money unless it has his approval and so I have no idea how much he has, but again I’m not too worried about this presently.

Im just worried this is another form of control and I’m going to end up trapped with a house that I can’t force him to sell but with very little finance to take it through court due to having no savings.

We are in the UK and have been married for 13 years. I won’t sign anything without proper legal advice, even if that means waiting.

It’s so helpful to get others views as It can be hard to see things clearly at times.

Which part of the UK? Scotland is very different from England & Wales.

England

Does he give you money to buy the food etc, to all intents and purposes you are still married (by washing and cooking etc) so you are entitled to your share.