Family Law Advice!

[JoJo2106]

Can anyone help with some advice please?

Currently have a CAO already in place for my 3 year old son, ex partner has every weekend at the moment and I am wanting to change it to alternate weekends once he starts school next September so we can have quality time on a weekend to do things together and ex is refusing.

I have attended a MIAM appointment and have just heard back today that my ex partner is unwilling to do mediation, I will post exactly how it was worded:

We confirm that Mr. X has indicated he does not feel mediation will be beneficial until your employment status has changed as that will have a bearing on any arrangements to be made. He is therefore not wanting to arrange a mediation assessment at this stage.

I am signed off work on a long term basis due to health reasons, I wasn't aware me working or not would have any relevance to me been awarded alternate weekends, as 5 days a week I will just be doing school runs and still have no quality time with DS.

Could anyone in the know please confirm if I'm thinking along the right lines.

Thanks x

@ThisMustBeMyDream thank you very much for that

Yes most people agree he is not been child focused and is being unreasonable. I'm hoping it will all be ok, all I want is for me to have a weekend, him to have a weekend and we split the holidays. And we carry on sharing Christmas and DS Birthday. The previous poster makes it sound like I need hung, drawn and quartered for even suggesting this 😒

Wow that is a long time, that's terrible. How can they not be speeding that up if it's an emergency hearing? That's really bad, does she not get punished for repeatedly stopping contact? I understand why the solicitor told me to get the ball rolling now then if it takes that long. I thought it was a bit early as DS doesn't start school until next year but it makes sense now.

@WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly thank you for that did think it was a bit harsh tbh lol. Never mind though, I know most other people agree.

I'm hoping it does turn out that way, my ex has just totally refused mediation until my employment status has changed, he knows I am.long term sickness and why so hes just said it to her out of it. He could have at least tried and maybe even come up with another plan but to just flat out refuse is just shit. He is just adamant to go back to court, he told me to stop messaging about it and he will be ready for the court letter. He is so not child focused at all, never has been. Only concerned with his rights, don't think he realises it's the rights and best interests of the child in family court.

It's a bit of a game of semantics when we talk about "our rights". With the greatest of love and respect you have done it yourself with your rights to have your child over a weekend JoJo2106.

Loopyapp is getting a hard time but I suspect dad is probably paying CMS contributions whilst he is going out to work to support his child. A child which he will be seeing 4 days per calendar month by the looks.

What do you think about the 1/3 weekends for yourself JoJo2106? That might be the compromise.

@Skeptadad not really about my rights tbh, if I was that bothered I could probably try for alternate weekends now as ds is going to be in nursery 4 days a week come September so I still wont get that much time with him but I do honestly think once a child is in full time school that child has the right to down time with both of their parents. It's not right one parent does all the hard stuff midweek and the other has all the fun time. It's the child that deserves it not the parents.

Well that's the thing he wont discuss or mediate so there was no way to discuss other options, just told me to go back to court, but theres a chance the court could order him to mediate.

I've spoke with a solicitor today and she said in 20 years shes never known a case yet where one parent has been awarded every weekend with a school age child.

@Skeptadad I've just realised you commented on a similar post I posted over on lone parents and this was your response:

I'm a dad and I think you are right.

It can't be right you have no weekend time with your son. You should offer shared care or alternate weekends and he can see how he wants to pick the bones out.

Then when I went on to say he works away Mon to Fri you said he was prioritizing his job over his child and that I shouldn't be penalised for his work choices 🤷‍♀️

Well it's interesting because he works and you don't so how does that get squared away. 1/3 seems reasonable.

I think I am an exception rather than a rule I can't believe that many men would go through the herculean ordeal I have been through. Also I would consider myself a "family man". I guess some other men aren't or are more career minded but maybe that doesn't mean they should see their child less. It's probably not fair that I judge other men by what I have been through or apply similar standards. It's just not feasible for some.

All the best JoJo2106 I do think you need weekends too or as you say you just end up feeling like a carer and have no quality time.

@Skeptadad yes but whether I work or don't my son would still be at school 6.5 hours a day, he would come home have food, a bath then bed for 7.30 5 days a week then his dad would pick him up Fruday night bring him home Sunday night all ready for ne to start the midweek routine again Monday morning. That's why it should be alternate and you even suggested yourself I ask him for alternate weekends. He actually has had 2.5 years since we have been out of court to change his job if he wanted so he could do a more 50/50 arrangement but he hasn't. It's really not fair for our son just for me to do all of the school runs and his dad taking him.out every weekend, he will most likely want me to do all of those things too with him too and he should have that.

My ex was actually offered another job a few years ago, granted it was before ds was born..but it was 3 days on 3 days off, loads better money and he turned it down. Something like that would be ideal now to do a 50/50 arrangement but he has stayed where he is, he constantly tells me if it wasn't for his job he would he entitled to 50/50. Well change your job and do it. He should actually have a Wednesday contact also so he could actually see him more. but he can't do it due to working away so even that isnt a big priority to him that he goes a week without seeing our son when he could have a midweek too.

As I said, and you said in my previous post, he is prioritising his job and I shouldn't be penalised for his work choices, therefore DS deserves to have alternate weekends.

It won't be easy for your son to go from being with his dad every weekends to only seeing him 4 days a month.

I also agree that it is quite nice to have some time after school to do things together.

I also agree that it is fair that your kids should be able to enjoy a weekend with you to do the things you can't do during the week.

1 out of 3 weekends, and holiday weeks to be full weeks sounds like the fairest compromise.

I don’t think one weekend in four is reasonable either.

Family courts get very upset when anyone talks about ‘parental rights’ because they don’t exist. Children have rights, we have parental responsibilities. Our responsibility is to make sure the child’s needs are met.

It’s not reasonable to expect dc to be at dad’s every weekend. No court is going to order that. It will be every other weekend and time during the week did he is able to.

From professional experience, some courts do order every weekend with the NRP, especially if it's been the status quo, has worked well for the child/ren, and Cafcass supports it.

@GruffaIo yes it's only been the norm though as my little boy was only 16 months old at the time of the first CAO as he wasn't in nursery or school and I had midweek with him so that was fair enough that every weekend was ordered at that time. But the legal adviser in court was going to advise alternate weekends straight away if I had been working but as I wasn't they kept it to every weekend which I had no problem with.

The issue now is ds is going to be 5 and in full time school and I wont have midweek with him.anymore, tbh I hardly do now as hes in nursery but only half days but I would wait until he is in school for alternate weekends. The legal adviser did say once ds is in school the order can change as his needs change, so as she was going to advise alternate weekends 2.5 years ago I'm hoping what she meant about the order changing once ds is in school means that also.

Every single weekend with one parent and one just doing the school runs 5 days a week is just not right.

Well you need to start to package this as what is right for your son. It's not phrased in a child centric way.

For example: If I have every other weekend or 1/3 then our son can spend time with his maternal family and we can do things my son enjoys. You need to think about why this is better for your son and start to present your arguments as such.