Can ex insist he has access to my house to get things listed in consent order?

[Boonlark]

We're already divorced. The house is nothing to do with him (provided by my job). He was emotionally abusive during the marriage and separation, and is angry at me.

Because of his behaviour I've made it clear that he is not to contact me directly (we're using an intermediary) and told him that he is not allowed to come into the house or grounds of the house. I do not have a non mol against him.

We have agreed the consent order and it's been sent to the court. There is some remaining furniture that needs to be collected by his representatives within one,onth of the date of the order.

Originally he said he'd arrange for removal people to collect his stuff. Now he's saying it will cost too much and he can't book anyone in time. So he's saying that he will be hiring a van and coming to collect the stuff himself. And that I have to accept that.

Can I refuse him entry, and say that he needs to get some other people to help him instead?

Would having in the garden for him to collect be an option . I jut be happy to get it sorted

Can you put it outside? I'm assuming he already knows where you live

I mean, that's an idea, but the things are big bits of furniture that I can't lift.

I'm also wary of handling the furniture myself in case he claims I've damaged it. Think massive bed, sofa etc

Do you trust the intermediary?
Can you be out so he can collect the stuff under the eyes of the intermediary?

Can you both provide two neutral people to move the furniture from the house to the van? You stay inside, he stays in the van.

The intermediary and all of the other people I could call on right now, have disabilities which means they couldn't help with the furniture. He knows this. That's why we agreed about removal people. He's mad that he's not allowed in the house anymore, and I think this is a power play, as I'm pretty sure he could get help from his able bodied friends and family to move the furniture.

My ex tried to do the same. We did both own the house but he had moved out and due to DV I wouldn't let him in to ferret around what was by then my home. When he knew he couldn't come in and control anything he suddenly lost interest in all his stuff and lumbered me with it all to get rid of. To be honest, unless you have an urgent need to get it gone (like you're moving house as well) then I would give him slightly longer to arrange a removals company to get the stuff.
I'd take pictures of the stuff before it is collected as you never know how far he will go blame you for something. Perhaps with a copy of that days newspaper? I know that sounds OTT but if he's trying to control you then he may have little tricks up his sleeve.

Do you think it would be reasonable to tell him that he needs to provide intermediaries to get his furniture?

Not unreasonable - you do what is best for you. It’s not about his needs and wants anymore. You decide. Your house. Your terms. He can take it or leave it. You are not refusing to hand over the goods, you are telling him how it’s going to be done. He has no power anymore. Good luck.

Surely you know one person who can help you get the stuff out of the house?

This just needs to get sorted, and going back to court is really not going to help.

You tell him, point blank , he will not be entering your house.
Tell him he can hire someone from facebook cheaply, but it will not be him.

@MrsBertBibby

Surely you know one person who can help you get the stuff out of the house?

This just needs to get sorted, and going back to court is really not going to help.

. I have a disability and so do my friends and family. He has treated the other person who is able, badly, so they don't want to be around him either.

It's much easier for him to get people to help as his friends and family are all able bodied. It's not an unreasonable ask, is it?

If this goes back to court, the judge will almost certainly order that he can come in to get his stuff.

So you really need to come up with a solution. And the likeliest solution is you find someone to help, rather than leave it to him, because he has no interest in sorting it out, he wants to keep this row going.

I'm a family solicitor, these post-agreement rows are so common. He wants to keep on rowing, so don't let him.

How much will a Facebook removal/man with a van cost?

I would be inclined to pay for two people to do the removal for your own peace of mind. We used Anyvan yesterday to move furniture from one house to another for a relative. They are insured against damage so no issue there. Our two people were so efficient and careful. If you can spare the money definitely worth it to keep him out of the equation. Our removal cost £67 in central London. May be less outside London.

Can you afford to hire a removal firm yourself? If so, it'd be worth it just to be rid of him and his stuff.

Surely you don’t need to actually be present to allow for him to collect his belongings?

I would state that he needs to give you notice and a day and time which he will come to collect them. Ie on Sunday at 10am. And he will be finished by 2pm or whatever.

I would personally then have someone else provide access to the property with the list of his belongings and then once it’s done they can let you know and you can return.

You don’t actually have to help him collect anything. I am pretty certain that you only have to allow the collection of his belongings and don’t in anyway have to assist him to move them etc so don’t.

I’d pay a man & van to take it from your house and hand over to him. Prolonging the argument is pointless.

I’d put a request on Facebook to get someone to move them for you. No way I’d allow him into my house. I know it will cost but you’ll keep your peace of mind

I think you either need to let him do it himself or you pay for someone to do it (and make sure they have insurance in case of damage)

@Idontgiveagriffindamn

I’d put a request on Facebook to get someone to move them for you. No way I’d allow him into my house. I know it will cost but you’ll keep your peace of mind

That’s what I would do too.

I've sent a reply saying that he needs to provide intermediaries,and suggesting he could get two people and a van.

For a bit of context about why I don't want him in the house: he moved out a year ago and has had three chances to take all of his stuff. Including me having an intermediary there instead of me. Each time he left things, and also took some things of mine.

The last time he pissed off the intermediary so much in the days afterwards (lashing out at them on something completely different because they helped me with this) that they want nothing more to do with him.

The things he needs to take are listed in the consent order, but I don't trust him not to try to take other things, or to treat an intermediary badly afterwards.

@Idontgiveagriffindamn

I’d put a request on Facebook to get someone to move them for you. No way I’d allow him into my house. I know it will cost but you’ll keep your peace of mind

. This may need to be the backup plan

Then you be in the house with YOUR removal men. He can be outside waiting in his van or if you choose to pay - for your own sanity - then he can be anywhere else but not at your house and your removal men deal with him at his end.
Honestly I can't fault the guys we had yesterday. Just checked on the price list and it can be much cheaper if you book in advance (ours was next day pick up)