Single parent to a DD aged 6. ExH sees her EOW for 1 night, that’s it. No weekday contact, no extra in the holidays.
ExH has said if something happens to me he does not want DD fulltime, but would “play the game” to get her, hand her over to his parents or aunt and never see her again except occasionally, his parents would also let him claim all the CB/UC/DLA for her without taking any themselves (they told a social worker and cafcass this when we went through court). He has also said he hopes that happens as then my family will never see her again. He also said he’d remove her from any school she’s in and homeschool her – his parents are retired teachers, but I do feel school is the best place for, she’s a very social child and there’s no homeschooling groups nearby neither of his parents drive, so she’d miss out on that. He’d also take her out of any and all extra curricular activities “to save money”. DD also has some additional needs and I decided that as much as I’d love to homeschool her, her needs are better met at school – she’s thriving and loves school. As well her extra curricular help her SN and have the added benefit of helping her socialise outside of her school friends.
I’m hoping I won’t die anytime soon – I’m young, early 30s and fairly healthy but have a few health issues which include my heart and lungs so you just never know (they are well managed atm, but things could change quickly and become unmanageable).
I left ExH due to his control and violence and I’m kind of hoping the fact we have a CAO which awards him so little would work against him if it came to it, but it does scare me. He actually has 1 night per week for tea as well as the 1 night EOW but he never sees her in the week ever.
Ideally DD would go to my aunt; she’s childless but lots of experience with children – she was basically like a 2nd mother to me, my sibling and cousins. She and her husband would move into my house/flat, keep her in her school and all extracurricular activities. She’d keep all pets I have for DD and help DD look after them (she knows depending on age/needs of DD that could end up being mostly hers and her DHs job). She’d let ExH and his family see DD as much as they want, similarly my parents who couldn’t have her fulltime could see her whenever they want.
I feel this is the best for DD but obviously her dad has PR so he could just stop my family seeing her if something happened to me – he hates my family, when he took me to court he tried to stipulate that neither of my parents or their siblings could see DD if I was keeping custody/residency, I have no idea why he hates them, my parents are not together anymore but completely harmless and loving grandparents – but DD is their only grandchild so they can be a bit full on sometimes (my aunt would tell my dad especially to calm down and behave himself as she’s his sibling). The only member of my family he likes is my one living grandparent but they’re nearly 90 so couldn’t have DD if the worst were to happen.
So could ExH take DD to his parents and leave her there never seeing her again if something were to happen to me? And is there anything I can do to stop this happening? I have a will but my solicitor said it might not be “strong” enough if ExH has PR.