Struggling with section 7 question of what contact would you like.

[Letdown16]

I’m struggling with my impending section 7 interview.

She will ask what kind of contact I think suitable and ideally I don’t want any. I need to look forward and not to the past. The only trouble is my ex is abusive he wasn’t abusive in the past, it’s who he is and always will be. He abused me to mental breakdown, his past girlfriends etc etc.

I’m really struggling with how to answer the question of what is best for our child and not sounding bitter.

Be very careful of saying you don't want any.

I wouldn’t say that but that is deep down how I feel. I don’t know what to say as any contact will give him a chance to continue.

The say as you believe his abuse of you will continue if you are involved in contact you would like contact to be in a context centre, or supervised by his/your family (if you don't believe the child will be safe with him or he needs to get to know his child) and that handover is via a third party every other weekend or whatever.

I’m only worried about abuse to our child not to me anymore.

You need to say in a contact centre.

My ex said in an ideal world our daughter would have no contact with me in the Section 7 and my Barrister and Solicitor were able to eat out on the for almost 2 years. Out of the cornucopia of silly things she said/did that was probably the most counterproductive.

@Skeptadad I think that but would never say it as it would go against me. What happened when she said that did it go against her?

It went against her the behavior exhibited from that point confirmed that was what she thought (false allegations/inability to follow court orders) so behaviour was patternable against that statement.

Over the long term it backfired as initial Section 7 recommended she was the resident parent but subsequent ones mention shared care and our daughter is with me 3 days a week and will be staying over twice a week before court in a few months and she is only 23 months old.

I can't help but think if she had acted in a supportive manner I would have ended up as an EOW dad.

I suppose strategically speaking I have been able to evidence that statement as proof of implacable hostility and hang it next to all of the other behaviours.

Maybe don't infer too much from my case, as it became very obvious to people involved that allegations were untrue/I was a good dad. If there is abuse in your case then fair diddum's just be careful.

Yes, I demonstrated implacable hostility to contact with my gs's dad. I am a gp carer. He was a violent abusive thug. But it makes no difference and I advise what others have on here. It was used against me again and again.

We ended up back in court continually as he continued violent offending, even on a gbh charge in Crown court. Contact went from supervised, unsupervised and back to supervised.

Cafcass really held it against me and my worker was lacking in humanity. They reviewed the case at a later date stating they should have been supporting me but by then it was all too late.

Just be wary op. Always respond putting your child to the forefront.

Yes @Skeptadad he was abusive and the judge already concluded that he was so that’s not up for dispute.

I’m just really struggling with what I want. If I say to Cafcass I want our child to have a relationship with there father and that is the best for them I will be lying just to appease them.

Why don't you say that you wouldn't want to stop your ex seeing your child but worry about whether he has reflected on his abusive nature and made suitable changes. You would really like to believe x has changed and wouldn't stand in the way of their relationship if ex has changed but have concerns based on previous abuse.

Maybe someone else can advise but I can't see how that is unreasonable if domestic abuse has been found.

Is he being sent on a "Domestic Abuse Perpetrator Programme"?

@Skeptadad yes he was ordered to attend one by the judge but we have been informed by Cafcass that they are not currently running due to covid. He has also been ordered to attend an anger management course which I believe he signed up to a short one.

The judge wanted at the next hearing in June to have a report from the DAPP as he would have been half way through. She said back in the last trial that this hearing could be adjourned if the timescale doesn’t work but ex is stating this is unfair as covid has effected his chances. He was willing to attend the course.

I would have been much happier if this had gone ahead and I had some solid input from the course leader about how he is doing. At the moment he admits to doing what he did but is blaming me, stress, anything really instead of saying I did it and I was wrong.

It's not about his chances though it's about the child's best interests! I find it amazing how people can't seem to figure the child's interests into their arguments. Imagine how short the anger management course was? Probably a 3 hour (complete in 30 minutes internet job).

Could you say that then, that you were hoping to have some positive news from the DAPP leader which would have provided some insight as to whether ex has taken some responsibility for his actions. Whilst you don't want to stand in the way of your child and their father having a relationship you need to feel secure that your child is safe.