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Original poster

Lawyer help (DNA)

24 replies

Smallmum55 · 12/05/2021 13:23

Hi, I was wondering if there are any lawyers (or anyone with experience in a similar situation) that could offer me advice.
So...it's a long, complicated story but I'll try to keep it short.
My ex and I broke up at the start of 2020, both seen other people for a while and then briefly got back together. It was brief due to the fact that he attacked me on a couple if occasions, was arrested and a restraining order put in place until it goes to court this year.
It was at this time that I found out I was pregnant. I assumed it was my ex's (the one I have the restraining order against), I told him it was his and we both went on thinking this for months until I realised the dates didn't match up and the baby is actually someone else's. At this point I was told by woman's aid, etc not to tell my ex this (for my safety) so we just went on with him thinking it was his but then this guy met someone about a month before my child was born and I've never heard from him since. No contact when my child was born or anything at all in the months since. I don't think he even knows the child's name or actual date of birth.
So (this is were it gets even more complicated) the other guy (the baby's actual dad) and I both agreed that we were sure the baby was his and so his name is on the birth certificate.
Obviously this other guy has had no contact with me at all since before the baby was born and so, as far I can assume, he still thinks it's his baby (which is fair enough as initially I thought and told him it was)
My worry is....in the unlikely chance that guy wanted to do a DNA test and the baby was his...would I be in trouble? Even though at this point and since the baby was born im sure I have the right guy on the birth certificate? Confused

OP posts:
blipmonkey · 12/05/2021 13:27

When you say the dates didn't match up, do you mean a few days or a few weeks?

Original poster
Smallmum55 · 12/05/2021 15:39

@blipmonkey It would be a couple of weeks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Smallmum55 · 12/05/2021 16:01

@blipmonkey It would be a couple of weeks

OP posts:
Original poster
Smallmum55 · 12/05/2021 16:09

@blipmonkey It would be by a couple of weeks

OP posts:
Original poster
Smallmum55 · 12/05/2021 16:15

@blipmonkey It would be by a couple of weeks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Smallmum55 · 12/05/2021 16:34

@blipmonkey It would be by a couple of weeks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Smallmum55 · 12/05/2021 17:53

@blipmonkey sorry for the duplicate messages there. My internet was playing up

OP posts:
Eggbread · 12/05/2021 17:56

Hand on heart OP
Did women’s refuge really advise this?

prh47bridge · 12/05/2021 18:42

No, you won't be in trouble. A lot of birth certificates name the wrong man as father. You believed the information you gave was correct, so no offence has been committed. The worst that will happen if he is the father is that the birth certificate will be amended.

Original poster
Smallmum55 · 12/05/2021 19:25

@prh47bridge Thanks for the advice. I'm kicking myself for getting into such a complicated situation but I honestly thought the other guy was the dad at first. Despite what he did to me I still feel bad but he's not been in contact since before the baby was born so I just left things as they are. It's looking likely it will be the domestic abuse court date before he finds out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Smallmum55 · 12/05/2021 19:49

@Eggbread They did. I had said I wanted to tell him I had doubts about him being the dad and they told me not to contact him and tell him that as they were very concerned about how he would react (as was i)

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 12/05/2021 19:53

Firstly well done for ending the abusive relationship, you did the right thing for yourself and your baby.

For the sake of clarity I am going to use AX for your abusive ex-partner, and LF for the baby's legal father (the one who you think is the biological father and who is on the birth certificate).

It's not completely clear from your post but I think you are referring to AX for most of it, and the two of you haven't been in touch at all - presumably because of the restraining order and the upcoming court case.

I can't work out whether you are still in contact with LF, presumably he must have registered the birth with you (since he's on the birth certificate) but is he involved at all - whether in a relationship with you or just involved in the baby's life? Is he paying child maintenance?

Personally I would want to ask LF to do a DNA test to be absolutely sure, for peace of mind.

AX might not be interested in the child, but if he is and he asks about it (directly or via lawyers) you will have to tell him at that point that you're sorry but you got the dates wrong and he is not the father after all.

FWIW I think you are right to follow the advice of Women's Aid as they're the experts and presumably they know more about your situation/history than what you've posted here. So if they advised you not to tell AX that he's not the father, please trust their advice over the opinions of strangers (including mine!)

Do you have access to legal advice/representation? Depending on your finances you might be eligible for legal aid (due to the domestic abuse). If so your lawyer should be able to advise.

Best of luck with the court case Flowers

Eggbread · 12/05/2021 20:06

[quote Smallmum55]@Eggbread They did. I had said I wanted to tell him I had doubts about him being the dad and they told me not to contact him and tell him that as they were very concerned about how he would react (as was i)[/quote]
But in your OP your with him when you contact women’s aid.
Any then a month later you know longer hear from him.

So I assumed that you were still with him and yet women’s aid said not to tell him

Soontobe60 · 12/05/2021 20:17

If I were you, I’d get a DNA test done now for your own peace of mind. If I’m correct I believe the abusive ex would possibly have to take you to court to force you to allow a dna test anyway.

Original poster
Smallmum55 · 12/05/2021 20:27

@AnotherEmma Thanks so much for your advice. I am in a relationship with LF and he is totally involved in my childs life. I have heard nothing at all from AX since about a month before the birth. I am hoping that means he's not interested as despite the restraining order and court date, I'd have assumed he would have reached out through lawyers or some way during the past few months if he wanted to be involved or even to get a paternity test if he had his own doubts.
I am pretty much 100% that LF is the father but I still have that small concern that if I'm wrong then I could get myself in trouble.
The domestic abuse case is going to court in a few months and I am a witness. I'm guessing I will be asked about the baby...do I have to answer any questions relating to that? I'm not really comfortable going into much detail in court on that subject when AX is there, especially since that would be the first time he'd be told he's not the father.

OP posts:
Farahilda · 12/05/2021 20:33

I think it would be worth getting a DNA test done to establish if DC's legal father (the one on the birth certificate) is also the biological father. Settling that questions n could make a difference to what else you want or need to achieve.

Original poster
Smallmum55 · 12/05/2021 20:34

@Eggbread I had a restraining order against him for the initial incident but he kept breaking that, texting me, turning up at my door (he was arrested on all of these occasions as well)
I was not in a relationship with him when I spoke to woman's aid, I've not been in a relationship with him since he attacked me, but he was still constantly breaking his restraining order at that time. All of that stopped about a month before the birth and I have heard nothing from him since.
I had wanted to tell him I had doubts but I was advised not too.

OP posts:
Notaroadrunner · 12/05/2021 20:44

Why not just do a DNA test with the man on the birth Cert? That will sort out who the dad really is and if the other guy turns up you'll have proof he's not the dad (if indeed he's not).

vivainsomnia · 13/05/2021 09:15

In all likelihood, he’d be relieved to find out that he is not the dad after all. Your OH will also be sure, which surely is for the best for everyone.

The issue is if you are wrong, but it would still be better prepared knowing it if he did suddenly decide he wanted to be involved in your bsbies’ life.

Atalantea · 14/05/2021 07:40

Your best bet would be to dna test with birth certificate guy.

Ex may know and have doubts and the last thing you'll want is being asked about it in court, because it will make you look a liar (not meaning to be nasty)

Original poster
Smallmum55 · 14/05/2021 15:06

Thanks for your help and advice everyone xx

OP posts:
diana229 · 31/08/2021 06:48

This reply has been deleted

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RedHelenB · 31/08/2021 07:07

For the sake of your baby you need to do a DNA test with the non aggressive father so you are sure.

Atalantea · 31/08/2021 10:37

@Smallmum55 did you do the DNA?

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