Cafcass safeguarding checks

[Courtandtired]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/4225468-Cafcass-background-checks?watched=1&msgid=106727987#106727987

Original post regarding my concerns about why I feel uncomfortable undergoing one during my husbands court case.

I know with the initial cafcass situation I am, nd have refused. They have warned me it may end up being court mandated though.

No back story. Last report even exwife said I cared for the kids etc.

As it stands due to numerous reasons involving protecting sdc and our joint dc, we and cafcass have agreed it best that once contact resumes we will keep both sides separated until things have calmed and relationships on dh side and sdc side have developed. So I naturally won't be part of that for a long while either.

What would happen if it became court mandated I sign the safeguarding checks form and I still refused?

Bump. Please

I think you sound very wound up by this. If you would rather not see children because you refuse to be transparent, that’s up to you. I know from DD, family barrister, that courts can see through twisting of evidence and background checks that are a bit less than perfect. Lots of them are!

To be honest, you sound too wound up to make sensible decisions. I would go ahead with what has been asked. Plus get a decent barrister who will help you get the best outcome possible. That’s usually seeing children.

I am concerned. Probably is coming across as wound up at present as its been constant hurt for myself and dc.

I not concerned with potentially not having a perfect background check, I know there is nothing that would be deemed as a concern regarding the children.

I'm concerned with cafcass handling things poorly as they did the accusation from exwife of dh being a domestic abuser and the risk it put myself and my children in if true.

I'm also concerned that with exwife history of abuse, hearing i suffered from depression would be yet another stick to beat us all with.

I'd gave zero concerns if exwife due to her history wouldn't see my part of the report.

I just don't want more abuse coming to my door through exwife as my children have also suffered due to that. To the point I have had professionals tell me to keep them distanced from her as much as possible. Doesn't seem very distanced when she knows my personal history and has further fuel for the fire.

This may sound like I'm not caring for sc, I do very much. I fought hard the last few years especially to try and reason with exwife, build bridges, ignore major red flags, all for their benefit.

Which caused my children to be exposed to a lot of hurt, when confronted with the pain on that side we have numerous messages of her just sending laughing emojis. Or laughing down the phone.

At this point I do feel like I just want to shut down, and finally focus on protecting mine 100%. As no one else is in that position to do so.

That involves in my mind at least not being dragged through the mud, which could easily affect my mental health and in turn create a potential atmosphere in my childrens home.

The Court can order police and SS to disclose records about you whether you like it or not.

You are really turning this into a drama for no good reason. Just let them do their checks, as you have nothing to hide.

I'm not concerned about police or ss checks. I just don't want her knowing my mental health history with depression.

She caused my husband a lot of hurt and pain when he suffered with it, I just don't wish to be on the receiving end.

Is it only ss and police checks they do? If so I have been misinformed, and yes it would have been a worry for nothing!

Well if the information is pertinent, so be it. However it’s not unusual. You really need to be able to move on. You don’t even have to see her, do you? Often arrangements can be made without much contact between the ex wife and you. It all seems over dramatic. Cut contact with her. Get decent representation and get this sorted. Stick to whatever is agreed and move on. You are not really seeing this very clearly. Nothing is very unusual here.

They don't look at people's medical records, routinely, no.

But seriously, it's utterly normal for people to have depression. It takes a lot more than properly treated depression to interest anyone.

Why not ask CAFCASS?

I did ask them, they just told me it could be court mandated.

Maybe I am overreacting, if it hadn't been for the last report (potentially) putting myself and dc at risk - I would have signed it without thinking twice. Obviously dh isn't abusive to me, so it was handled as exactly what it was - a lie from ex. But the shock of if there had been truth to it, seeing my name next to the accusation and the risk that could have put my children in shook me up and caused a lot of lost faith in the system.

We've been through hell with the ex, I was just very concerned with how cafcass would handle it, and in turn how exw would. We know from experience that any point of potential weakness she will enjoy ripping it apart.

Mentally I couldn't handle another stick to beat us with and the anxiety that brings me. Its been a very difficult few years especially, without the years before that at a slightly lower level.

I also feel uncomfortable with her knowing any of my personal history as she has form for posting everything on social media. Lies and truths and exaggerated variations.

I didn't want the potential of what could essentially be slander.

It has happened to my dh with her.

Hence wanting to keep my private life exactly that. Private.

Of course I ignore social media now. Don't even have it myself. But the idea it could be out there about me unsettles me.

I just in general don't feel comfortable with people knowing my history to that level. Not that I'm ashamed, I'm not. But it feels invasive to have someone who has been so cruel and awful to us and our joint dc, know sensitive information about me. When even some of my closest friends and family do not!

Does it not occur to you that they did that because they knew she was talking crap?

Now you say that, possibly yes. She has already been caught out on some lies.

That said, that early on they had no evidence either for or against.

I appreciate 100% the report would have been written in regards to sdc and safety concerns. I was just shocked at knowing there were resident dc, they would take that risk. It seemed very careless to me.

Just to say - I have spoken to a solicitor and it seems I have jumped the gun completely.

I can ask for the pnd aspect of my life to not be included in exwifes report. Only the courts. Which im more than happy with.

Have requested cafcass officer calls so I can double check this and then I'll sign it

Cafcass safeguarding checks on third parties are limited to a summary of police and social care records.

If the court wanted to see your medical records for any reason they’d seek to direct that you/your partner (as he is party to the proceedings) filed them directly with the Court. You would be asked to consent.

Yes, but if ex says the OP cannot see dc because her medical conditions mean that’s not suitable (in his opinion) then medical details and treatment are relevant. They are discussed to decide whether they do have any bearing on dc and contact. Same as drugs, drink, behaviour, etc.

The thing which is likely what made me seem so unreasonable before is, I feel so frustrated.

Over half a decade and numerous court cases and not once has exw or sdc raised any concerns regarding me.

Now due to the section 7 coming up because of a lie from exw - I feel under the microscope for no reason.

Minimal checks or otherwise, its hard not to feel annoyed by that. Especially when you have anxiety and panic about the worst case, as it is always a shit show with the exw.

I do worry it could come back and cause tensions in our home. Not through us as a family, but by general stress. Or tension due to abusive messages.

Dh does his best to protect me, but you can tell alone by how his attitude changes that one minute he will be all jolly and then quiet.

I just feel so tired and warn down by it all. To feel like I've been thrown center stage (even though I've not been and logically i know that) after years of nastiness. Knowing that even if I request cafcass to not disclose things to her directly, solicitor told me to be prepared to make a complaint if they fail to do so. Makes me uneasy.

I'm only human. We've been through a lot as a family. I just want peace. Ideally with a brilliant blended family that we once were.

But above all of thar - I want to protect my own dc. I don't want to end up feeling on edge and anxious. Cos despite my best will power and try, I think anyone can admit it isn't always easy to hide your worries. Even if it's just by not being as super fun as usual and just... mediocre fun.

What a marathon. You just need to agree something. Come off social media. Stop seeing every nuance as a catastrophe. It will get sorted.

Oh I know. I just feel so conflicted.

I want what is best for all, but I've tried that for years and its ended up just burning me out and my dc get the less fun mum instead.

I think its not so much this situation alone that has broken me, more the last straw than anything else!