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Brother ongoing theft from Elderly parents

22 replies

lukeymom · 10/04/2021 20:14

Hello this is really hard for me but i need to get it out in the open. My brother who lives at home with my dad has been stealing money. Not just a bit here and there but all of my parents life savings. The sad thing is my mom discovered of her savings gone just before she died 2 years ago. She was heartbroken because she trusted him. She would let him withdraw cash for her for shopping etc. But he was helping himself at the same time. What makes it even worse is that he was giving most of it away to so called friends who were into drugs or needed help with buying stuff for their children or flats.My brother has no clue about money. Doesn't work . Has no possessions and even drew up loads of debt with credit cards. Even when my mom died, he stole money from the funeral money. He didn't even care. All these years my parents felt sorry for him as he suffers epilepsy which is controlled with meds. So basicly they would do everything for him. Even at the age of 48 he is lazy and still has my dad who is 87 do his cooking for him and laundry. Its pathetic.
After the shock and upset of discovering what he'd done to our mom, my dad found out that his money had disappeared too. It was £10,000. He done alot of shouting. Mh brother denied it as usual. I was so angry and contacted the police. They said unless my dad pressed charges they couldn't do anything except make a report and give a warning. So they gave my brother a verbal warning. They said if it happens again i should tell them.
So ever since then j have been dealing with my dads financial affairs. Keeping it safe. Keeping hold of his bank cards pin number. I've been paying his bills and withdrawing cash with receipts for his shopping. Keeping everything in order. I had no idea about a Power of Attorney which i have recently registered as. Still waiting on completion.
A few months ago My dad withdrawed his Life Insurance money which was to pay for his funeral. He thought it was safer in his Savings account in his bank. So i deposited it for him. He also had another lumps sum which i also put in. So he felt good knowing that was sorted and safe. I am his carer and i felt good things were in order.
Now today i check my dads bank balance and its lower than expected. My dad was naturally angry at this. He contacted the bank. He discovered that £2000 has been withdrawn over the past year. Being confused as to how. As i have his bank card. It turns out he still has a bank card for his Savings account in his wallet which he keeps next to his chair at home. Basicly my brother has been using just like he done before and withdrawing cash. I was so angry at him but he just denied it as usual.
I am going to contact the police again to report it. My brother needs to be dealt with once and for all. How can he do this to my dad. My dad is living in poverty as it is. I am struggling but no way would i even think of stealing of my parents. My dad is 87 and clearly cannot manage his money. Yet i know he won't press charges. I am his carer and in charge of his money yet my brother is there helping himself again. I'm angry that he still had another bank card and knowing my brother stealing before let it happen again. Its shameful and heartbreaking. Its going to make my dad ill. And i can him losing his house. What can i do?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 10/04/2021 20:17

That's appalling. Your brother is really awful. I think the police should get involved, given your dad is a vulnerable adult.

Contact the banks immediately and say all PINs should be changed.

Are there any advantages at all to your brother living with your dad?

Roselilly36 · 10/04/2021 20:26

Call age Uk for advice,they have specialists who can give advice for safeguarding & financial abuse issues. Report concerns to SS & the police, theft is theft. So sorry this has happened in your family OP.

lukeymom · 11/04/2021 12:49

Thanks. What my dad is saying now that he is waiting to see his bank statements to prove that the cash was taking from a bankcard. He's saying it could be an inside theft. My brother has a tendancy to keep my dads mail from him. I have found letters and bank statements for my dad and my mom when she was alive in his drawer in his room. So i'm keeping a check on that. My dad is a proud man and hates being seen as infirm or incapable. When he found this out yesterday my dad was physically shaking. My brother just sat there looking guilty and denying it. No remorse at all.
I also hate the fact that as my dads carer i have to do his food shopping which is for him and my brother. I shouldn't have to do this. I hate having to shop for my brother ,for what he has done and keeps doing. My dad is living with a criminal and its such ashame. If my brother didn't live there i would move back in there with my two kids. They love it there because they like seeing their grandad and it has a nice garden which me and my young son regulary maintains. We live in a flat. But my brother will not move. (It's a council house by the way). My dads lived there 45 years.He does not help out do any cleaning or anything living there. I know i'm going off track here.
So now i've took the card off my dad. We're waiting for bank statements and then go from there...The lady from the bank mentioned my brothers name yesterday because his name is on record from the last time. So hopefully if it is proven he has stolen the money again which i know he has then hopefully he will get arrested. He has stolen money from me in the past too. It makes life a misery and i just wish things were very different. Thanks for your advice. I will be taking action soon.

OP posts:
Gingernaut · 11/04/2021 12:52

Does your brother have any learning disabilities?

Would he be considered 'vulnerable' by social services?

Is there anything preventing him from living independently?

Are social services involved in his case at all?

lukeymom · 11/04/2021 12:55

No advanta

OP posts:
drpet49 · 11/04/2021 13:01

I would contact the Police without a doubt.

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 11/04/2021 13:12

I am his carer and in charge of his money
By this do you mean you have Lasting Power of Attorney? Because if you do, then it’s up to you to report this theft to the police, not your father.

lukeymom · 11/04/2021 13:15

There's no adavantages really just company thats all. My brother has always lived there and has always had everything done for him. He doesn't work and used to have a car which my dad used to help with the running costs. He used to do the shopping then but at the same time helping himself to my parents money. He'd even say things like he had left money in cash machine by mistake. Or that someone stole it off him while he was out. Just excuses and my parents would believe him. He started driving around with no tax and insurance in the end because my dad refused to help him. Then the car was taken away and crushed. My brother still acts like a big kid and has no responsibilities. He associates with thieves who are weed smokers. He doesn't drink or smoke himself. People only have to ask him for money and he always finds ways of getting it. He has always been easily influenced. No matter how much talking to him we do he never listens or never learns by his mistakes.

OP posts:
lukeymom · 11/04/2021 13:25

12Judashascomeintosomemoney hi, i am in the process of being LPA. I'm just waiting on them. I'm going to call them tomorrow because i think they are supposed to send a form through for us to sign. It's been over a month and i haven't heard nothing. I filled in the details online.

OP posts:
MrDarcysMa · 11/04/2021 13:32

I'd be looking at ways to get your brother out of there ASAP. It will be very difficult for you or your dad to press charges against him whilst he's living there tbh.

lukeymom · 11/04/2021 13:35

52Gingernaut Yes my brother has learning difficulties but as far as i know he's never been formally diagnosed with anything. He would be classed as vulnerable because he will have no one to support him eventually. He's never needed to live away from our parents. Never had to stand on his own two feet. I have another brother who lives abroad with his family. He contacted SS a few years ago to explain the situation and but told them not to intervene just yet. I think when he finds himself homeless which he will eventually, then they will help him. Not sure what they can do to help atm. But i'll speak to my other brother about it.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 11/04/2021 13:42

Your brother (the one living with your dad) will be able to stay in the council house after your dad dies, won't he?

Buttonfm · 11/04/2021 13:46

This is terrible OP. Has the bank cancelled that card now? Does he have any other cards that your brother could use?

Your dad is very vulnerable, it may be worth getting in contact with the vulnerable adult safeguarding team in your local area. He is a victim of financial abuse so they should take steps to protect him.

Could he move in with you?

AfterSchoolWorry · 11/04/2021 13:51

I wonder could your brother be accommodated somewhere with support for adults with learning difficulties?

Do such places exist in the UK, or wherever you are?

He's abusing an elderly person. Ideally he should be removed to somewhere that could support his needs so you can support your Dad.

iusedtohavechickens · 11/04/2021 18:15

Would it be worth setting up a redirection to your house for dads mail or a P.O. Box collection? X

lukeymom · 17/04/2021 19:36

42HollowTalk Hi, my dad was told by the council that the house will be taken back when he dies. I'm hoping it won't come to that.

OP posts:
lukeymom · 17/04/2021 20:01

An update on the situation- I contacted the police and they wanted to know whag cash machine the money was taken from, so they can investigate further, checking cctv etc.Me and my dad went to the bank they printed off bank statements showing transactions. So i tell the police. Days later they tell me they will pay a visit to my dads house and they want me there too. Was suppose to be today. So thinking we're getting somewhere a police officer phones me today to basicly have a chat. Asks me more questions and asks if my dad wants to press charges and have him prosicuted. He mentioned that my dad lives with my brother and would he agree to it given the fact my brother is a companion and he might be scared to be alone or be scared incase my brother turns voilent and makes things worse for him. I don't know i said, so he wants me to find out. I asked the police officer if he'd checked the cctv cameras yet he said no. Not until they can press charges. If not then they're not going to bother checking. This angers me because i expected them to come forward with photos to show us as proof of who took the money. At leadt to scare my brother. I even suspect a friend of my brother was involved too. He has a criminal history. Plus he stole money off an elderly man last year. I have seen my brother with him a few times when he has been going to the local shop to get bread or milk. The police officer even said he can't see any record of me reporting my brother previously during 2018. I can't see why not. At the moment now he said he will still be on the case and get the social services involved. He said to try and get my brother out of there.

OP posts:
areallthenamesusedup · 18/04/2021 22:34

As was advised below: call AGE UK.

AnnaMagnani · 20/04/2021 13:18

You need to report your dad to the Vulnerable Adult Safeguarding Team at your local council.

They will be in charge of instigating support for him, and your brother who also sounds vulnerable as well.

Aprilshowersandhail · 20/04/2021 13:21

Report him to the fraud dept at the bank.

RestingPandaFace · 20/04/2021 13:38

You need to get your brother out of there so your Dad can be safe at home.

Muchmorethan · 24/05/2021 15:29

How are things now?

Don't expect SS to step in and help the brother or find him accommodation when the Dad passes as it is a very long process to get Social Care involved

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