The "what happens with our child" if we die question...

[jujumm]

My husband is avoiding the conversation about making a will, and the issue of "who would look after our child if we both die" matter is one that he doesn't want to address. Until he is ready to have that conversation and we can BOTH agree on the terms, is it ok/possible for me to have a "unilateral" will put together? We are in England. So for instance, if I were to die first, he would course be solely responsible for our little girl. But if we were to both die at the same time, in the absence of his will, could my will dictate what happens to her? I worry so much about the fights that would ensue in the family should that happen (e.g. between grandparents/uncles/aunts) and I would want to avoid that and make sure my little girl is safe and happy. Thanks and sorry for the grim subject!

If your husband is the biological father, he automatically would get custody of her if you died. If you make a Will just for yourself stating your preference for a guardian for your daughter and you both died, that should be enough. You can’t force your husband to make one - I would probably therefore do what you are suggesting to be sure it is covered. If you make no Will and you both die, the courts would decide who ultimately looks after her and that may not be who you’d choose. If your husband decides later to make a Will there is nothing to stop you changing yours at the same time if you needed to for any reason. Hope that helps.

We had mirror wills drawn up. They specify exactly the same arrangement (kinda obviously) were we both to die. the appointed guardians are on opposite sides of the family, and we just hope that as they're all reasonable people, they would come to an arrangement in the children's best interests. Was a very quick and easy appointment with a solicitor.

That is very helpful @thillanddale42 , thanks! That is exactly the situation, I don't want to force him but would prefer to have something established in the unfortunate event we both pass away. Glad to know my will would suffice for preference, in the instance he doesn't have one. Hopeful that one day we can both make a decision together. @Ohnomoreno I was hoping to have a will where we both agree on who the guardian would be. While I would like to think our families are reasonable, they all live in different countries. So when push come to shove, I imagine they would fight over her!

Yeah sorry I read that wrong. We basically spent almost no time thinking about it and just decided when we were in the solicitor's office. Made it easier as it's an awful thing to dwell on. Also was easier to manage because we have three kids and all our brothers and sisters have at least two, so there would always have to be some leeway if one siblings family situation changed.