Adultery | Mumsnet

notdaddycool · 10/03/2021 16:54

I'd change the locks, not sure if that's legal but it would be my start point.

Collaborate · 10/03/2021 16:57

It's not entirely legal to change the locks, but having said that I never advise a client in such a situation not to change the locks. I take the view we all have a right to feel secure in our home. If he wants to return there to live then you may have to give him a set of keys. However if you don't, and he only wants keys so he can come in when you're out, for example, no court would order you to hand over the keys to him.

crimsonlake · 10/03/2021 16:59

Clearly he is joint owner on the property and as much as you do not want him t have access to the fmh legally he has a right to do so.
I changed the locks when my ex left, he went crazy and the police told me he was entitled to even break in to his own home as that would still be considered legal.
If I recall the police called it a civil matter...despite threats my ex did not follow them through despite demanding a new key.

Crazycatlady83 · 10/03/2021 17:00

You need to see a solicitor.

Don’t change the locks, that’s really bad advice! As the property is the matrimonial home, you both have a right to live there. He can return if he wants unless you apply to the court for protection due to him perpetrating domestic abuse against you.

If you change the locks, he could apply to the court to be allowed back in and the court could require you to pay his costs!

The best thing to do is go see a lawyer and start proceedings for divorce and financial proceedings. Within that the judge can order the transfer of the property to you (even if he has to stay on the mortgage) amongst other financial orders.

If you can’t afford a lawyer, start divorce proceedings yourself (you will need your marriage certificate) and then contact a mediator to see if you can reach an agreement (you may need to do this anyway if your lawyer can’t negotiate something for you)

Good luck!

StylishMummy · 10/03/2021 17:01

If he's the joint owner then he has the legal entitlement to access the property. You need legal advice ASAP

SD1978 · 10/03/2021 17:08

Why do you think that you can halt the house sale u til the youngest is 18? That is something that you can try to negotiate in the financial settlement, and unfortunately, he still does have the right to access the house, as much as I understand that would be distressing for you. As others have said/ best to seek legal advice ASAP on your future options.

minniemoocher · 10/03/2021 17:09

Sorry to disappoint but it is his house jointly which means unless you have a court order he has every right to visit. Also he can force a sale unless it can afford to buy him out - divorce settlements very rarely have mesher orders now, only exception is when kids are in final 3-4 years of school

PatriciaHolm · 10/03/2021 17:16

You need to get legal advice, I'm afraid.

His adultery will have no impact on the financial settlement, and it's by no means a given you will be able to stay where you are, as it will depend on many factors such as your relative financial situations, length of marriage, age of children, etc etc.

WombatWomb · 10/03/2021 18:14

It's very rare now to be granted leave to stay in the house until DC are 18. Courts much prefer a clean break.

Russell19 · 10/03/2021 19:03

I was about to say what previous posters have said....he can force the sale before your children are 18 if you can't afford to buy him out.

Tinkity · 12/03/2021 11:30

My husband ( hopefully soon to be ex) committed adultery.

Irrelevant to financial split, child access etc.

We have a shared mortgage together and two kids. He's taken all his stuff and isn't staying here anymore, he seems to think he still lives here, I say he doesn't. And hasn't for 3 weeks. Can he gain access to the house whenever he wants? Or is that then harassment?

In the absence of a court order:

1.Yes, he can gain access to the house as he is joint owner & he can even move back in if he wishes.

No, the above would not constitute harassment as he has as much right to the house as you do at the moment.

Also, he can't make me sell the house can he until our youngest is 18

This is wrong, he absolutely can go to court to force the sale of the house & in the absence of any extenuating circumstances, there’s a very high probability that a court would order the sale as they tend to favour clean breaks now as opposed to mesher orders. Even if a mesher order were to be granted, there are certain situations that could trigger the sale of the house before the youngest turns 18. You would also be expected to cover all bills / mortgage on your own (unless he is a high earner).

but he would still be on the mortgage until I could buy him out

As above, it is very unlikely that a court would issue a mesher order & order him to stay on the mortgage, especially if he is not a high earner & doing so would hinder is ability to buy another property so he could house himself & the children.

would he still be able to have access then?

No, it can be written into the court order that he has no access should one be granted.

As stated above, in the absences of extenuating circumstances (disability etc) or him being a high earner, it is very unlikely that a mesher order be granted, especially as yours is considered a short marriage & you are both young, HOWEVER, please seek legal advice as people can only speak in generalities on this board. You need to speak to a solicitor who can advise you based on your specific circumstances.

Original poster

gizmosslave · 12/03/2021 12:00

@Tinkity

My husband ( hopefully soon to be ex) committed adultery.

Irrelevant to financial split, child access etc.

We have a shared mortgage together and two kids. He's taken all his stuff and isn't staying here anymore, he seems to think he still lives here, I say he doesn't. And hasn't for 3 weeks. Can he gain access to the house whenever he wants? Or is that then harassment?

In the absence of a court order:

1.Yes, he can gain access to the house as he is joint owner & he can even move back in if he wishes.

No, the above would not constitute harassment as he has as much right to the house as you do at the moment.

Also, he can't make me sell the house can he until our youngest is 18

This is wrong, he absolutely can go to court to force the sale of the house & in the absence of any extenuating circumstances, there’s a very high probability that a court would order the sale as they tend to favour clean breaks now as opposed to mesher orders. Even if a mesher order were to be granted, there are certain situations that could trigger the sale of the house before the youngest turns 18. You would also be expected to cover all bills / mortgage on your own (unless he is a high earner).

but he would still be on the mortgage until I could buy him out

As above, it is very unlikely that a court would issue a mesher order & order him to stay on the mortgage, especially if he is not a high earner & doing so would hinder is ability to buy another property so he could house himself & the children.

would he still be able to have access then?

No, it can be written into the court order that he has no access should one be granted.

As stated above, in the absences of extenuating circumstances (disability etc) or him being a high earner, it is very unlikely that a mesher order be granted, especially as yours is considered a short marriage & you are both young, HOWEVER, please seek legal advice as people can only speak in generalities on this board. You need to speak to a solicitor who can advise you based on your specific circumstances.

Hi, I have just spoke to a solicitor and she has said a mesher order is likely to be approved and that is what we would be going for. Even though it was a short marriage cohabiting for 5 years previous would be considered too.

OP posts:

Tinkity · 12/03/2021 12:09

Good luck OP, I hope it all works out🤞

Outbutnotoutout · 12/03/2021 12:27

What your solicitor says and what's agreed is 2 different things.

Original poster

gizmosslave · 12/03/2021 13:31

@Outbutnotoutout

What your solicitor says and what's agreed is 2 different things.

Yes i am aware of that thank you

OP posts:

Outbutnotoutout · 12/03/2021 16:09

Plus he can move back whenever he wants, he could move a friend in with him also.

The house would probably be sold, unless you can afford it and buy him out. The equity divided in whatever % you both agree.

You can name her in the divorce, but within 6 months of finding out

samosamo · 12/03/2021 18:32

If two people are NOT married and own a house together, can one of the couple force a sale in the case of a break up?

samosamo · 12/03/2021 18:33

Sorry to jump on, I just wondered whether it was because OP is married...

Xenia · 12/03/2021 18:54

"If two people are NOT married and own a house together, can one of the couple force a sale in the case of a break up?"
Yes. Sometimes the Children Act means the home may not be sold but other than that it is very common if one won't agree that the court orders a sale so the other can get their money out.

FelicityPike · 12/03/2021 18:58

He can move back in and bring his girlfriend and the whole of the Moscow State Circus if he so wishes. It’s his house too.

GettingItOutThere · 12/03/2021 21:31

do you have a chain on the front door OP?

Did your back door key snap in the lock and you had to change it? shame....

if he didnt have a back door key i would just get a chain, that isnt illegal, you can feel safe in your own home.

whilst in though, leave a key in the door?

Collaborate · 13/03/2021 09:59

There is some poor advice on this thread.

So many people certain that OP's H can force a sale without knowing sufficient about OP's circumstances.

So many seeming to think Mesher orders aren't a thing anymore.

So many disregarding the importance of the children still having a home.

So many forgetting that under the Criminal Law Act 1977 it would be an offence for OP's H to force his way in to the house if OP is inside.

In my experience if OP comes home one day to find that her H has broken in she would get an occupation order and non-molestation order quite easily.

And as for moving back in and bringing a friend with him - words fail me.

OP has taken legal advice from a qualified solicitor. I'm quite sure that she places more reliance on advice from her lawyer than from this message board (quite rightly).

prh47bridge · 13/03/2021 11:04

I'm quite sure that she places more reliance on advice from her lawyer than from this message board (quite rightly).

I sincerely hope so.

Xenia · 13/03/2021 15:04

This is one reason my husband was advised never to move out come what may - so through the whole divorce process through to transfer of house into my name and money hitting his account and court sealing the financial consent order he was here and had a right to be here and his solicitor said he had a right to be here. It was not easy and it took 7 months with no court hearing and no financial disclosure as we each knew 100% about the finances of the other.

Normally one person chooses to move out - often not wise to move out.