Father refuses indirect contact but wants custody

[FreedomAnniversary]

My STXH was for some reason granted indirect contact by a judge during my hearing to get a non-molestation order at the beginning of December.

Since then he sent DC a present each that he bought on 22nd Jan (the receipt was in the amazon box) and that is it.

I have a hearing in March for a child arrangements order as we separated due to his violence and abuse. On the advice of the police (who I knew were going to arrest him), I stopped contact with the DC mid November.

I am wondering what effect his refusal to engage in indirect contact will have on his case in court. I have evidence he used my eldest to meet up with one of his mistresses, which explains why DC was so unsettled when he came home with STXH. I also have evidence that he had prostitutes in the house while DC was asleep upstairs which I feel is a serious lack of risk assessment on his behalf.

I'm just looking for any guidance or experiences from someone who has already been through something similar. I don't feel he would take care of my DC, he rejected my youngest since conception, hit me while I was holding my youngest, refuses basic care for them and has previously tried to block me getting medical care for my eldest.

Trying not to drip feed, hopefully you get the picture!

If he hasn't taken up indirect contact there is no way he will get an order that the children live with him.

Technically he has taken it up though, by sending them a present in January? Yes he missed Christmas (despite implying to the judge he had already bought them presents) and hasn't sent a single letter or card to them, but he has sent a present.

I honestly believe he is dangerous based on what I found out about him in November, and I'm trying to cover all bases to protect my DC. I am scared of him and I cannot say with 100% certainty that he won't use the DC to get back at me.

He hasn't taken it up in full. Even if he had, there is no way the court would go straight from indirect contact to an order that the children live with him.

This seems to be a common tactic they use where they ask for full custody, so that when they don't get it they can blame not having a relationship with their kids on their ex and the court system, instead of what a Dad who really wanted to be in his kids life would of which is make the most of any contact and build it up over time, in the interests of his children, and not more than 50:50.

I have had the CAFCASS report today, it basically says that the court need to look into all of the allegations and that indirect contact should remain for now. Does this sound hopeful for contact being stopped, or at the very least permanently supervised?

Difficult to say at this stage
Depends altogether what the allegations are and if there are any specifically with regard to the children

For some bizarre reason a man can abuse a children’s mother but still en deemed a good father. Something I will never get my head around.

Has a finding of fact been ordered?

@prh47bridge

He hasn't taken it up in full. Even if he had, there is no way the court would go straight from indirect contact to an order that the children live with him.

Exactly this

Hardly the behaviour of a committed single Dad is it

I don’t think it’s gender specific my ex partners have been abusive (one of them physical) and I have no doubts my ex ex would never harm a child (the physically abusive one). Interestingly the most recent ex who was emotionally and psychologically abusive I would suggest is a far higher risk of being emotionally and psychologically abusive to my daughter and isn’t far from having an interim care order put into place for this reason.

These things are more nuanced that you suggest.

@Skeptadad

I don’t think it’s gender specific my ex partners have been abusive (one of them physical) and I have no doubts my ex ex would never harm a child (the physically abusive one). Interestingly the most recent ex who was emotionally and psychologically abusive I would suggest is a far higher risk of being emotionally and psychologically abusive to my daughter and isn’t far from having an interim care order put into place for this reason.

These things are more nuanced that you suggest.

Nobody is saying women aren’t abusive But the fact that DAPP aren’t currently available to women through CAFCASS and most other DA organisations tells you it isn’t that nuanced @Skeptadad

The fact is abuse of a parent - but statistically it is more likely to be abuse of the mother - is abuse of the child
And by that I mean emotional harm as much as physical but sadly even if both are done to the mother this is not taken as the massive risk to a child that it should be

The new Domestic Abuse Bill is currently in committee stage in the HoC and one do the core aspects of it is the challenge of the CA premise regarding contact at all costs

Furthermore that which an adult perceived as harm and abuse is not necessarily that of the child

Yes, a fact finding hearing and s7 assessment.

I have evidence for most of what i say, it isn't my word against his. He used the children as tools in his sex life, potentially exposing them to unsafe people and situations, he put his hands on me and hit me while holding one of the children. I have audio and video recordings of him shouting at me and accusing me of having sex with other men in front of the children as well as audio recordings of him putting the children in dangerous situations to punish me.

Are SS involved already?

They were involved in January last year when I left, they said I was prioritising the children and they had no concerns with me. I called them recently as one of my ex's arguments was that ss weren't worried about him as they weren't doing an assessment. I was told because I was protecting the children there was no need for them to be involved, but if I did let contact resume then they would want to do an assessment.

I had the initial hearing, it's been listed for a tier 2 hearing. He and his barrister seem to want to discredit me by saying I'm mentally unstable and that I can't use evidence that he planned to sexually assault me in my sleep and that he exposed the children to unsafe situations because he is saying I hacked his computer.

I'm not mentally unstable, I have depression caused by him and I didn't hack the computer, I can prove both of those things.

He is trying to prevent a fact finding hearing despite it being recommended by cafcass. His barrister tried to prevent a request for police disclosure.

What do I do to ensure a finding of fact hearing is ordered?

You can't guarantee it. All you can do is put your views to the judge. If there are disputed allegations and these will make a difference to the court's final decision, the judge is likely to arrange a fact finding hearing.

He is claiming the log shows 'only' affairs and prostitute use. Is it possible to use an argument along the lines of if it is only that, what's the problem looking into it?