Neighbour below is a nuisance. Help.

[mimichou]

This is going to be a long story.

My husband and I moved into our apartment December 2016. We are owners of our place. I was seeking for a cleaning lady and the previous owner told me that the neighbour below has a good cleaning lady so I should ask for contacts. Big mistake.

As soon as I made myself known to her, she started sending us notes expressing how it’s very unreasonable that my husband wakes up at 6am and accuses us of wearing wooden clogs at home. Mind you, we live in a building that is more than 200 years old with bad soundproofing. We can hear our neighbour above showering in midnight, kids from another building screaming their throats off and never had an issue. It’s called an apartment in the city for a reason. It’s not going to be like countryside silence.

Yet she thinks that we are disrupting her life saying that we must wake up at 9am and stop walking around the house after 3pm. She also added that we mustn’t use the bathroom after 9pm because it is disturbing her even though our bathroom is not where her bedroom is.

I suggested to my husband to report to the police but my husband said we should ignore. Once she obstructed me from entering the elevator because she wanted to tell me to inform my husband to stop waking up at 6am. So I retorted saying that my husband has to work and his work demands him to be in the office sometimes at 7am. Such is life. And I reminded her that city life is noisy. And that if she has a problem with it she should move. She called me a nasty, unreasonable person. To which I ignored because I pushed past her I pressed the buttons to close the door shut.

Fast forward 2020, with covid and all everyone is forced to stay in. My husband had to work from old and we have a young baby. He cries, he learns how to walk and sometimes he drops stuff. She would not have any of this. She even said that we should stop our son from crying unnecessarily.

We ignored her and she started banging her ceilings everyday at 6am, 11pm and 2am. She even sent a letter threatening that she would do so as long as she sees it fit.

For the record, our household isn’t the noisiest. The neighbour that lives across her plays music so loud that the top floor neighbours have a hard time. We also have a neighbour who plays the piano from 9am till 6pm. But she said it’s our fault.

I don’t want to deal with this mess anymore. The fact that sometimes her ceiling-banging wakes my baby up, causing him to cry is pushing it for me. I suffer from PPD and other health issues. I just want to put a stop to this.

Help.

Report her online for abuse. Send copy of the message. Maybe a pcso will call round and remind her she is ridiculous..

Ignore her there is absolutely nothing legally she can do, but me being me would report her constant harassment every time to the Police, also, keep a diary and document every thing she does to you.

Bear in mind that any dispute with her will have to be disclosed to any buyers of your flat.

Can the freeholder intervene? My partner in his last flat had several calls from his landlord saying there was a noise complaint from another flat.

@Snowymcsnowsony

Report her online for abuse. Send copy of the message. Maybe a pcso will call round and remind her she is ridiculous..

Will do this

@MrsBertBibby

Bear in mind that any dispute with her will have to be disclosed to any buyers of your flat.

Can the freeholder intervene? My partner in his last flat had several calls from his landlord saying there was a noise complaint from another flat.

A noise complaint about...?

Living is a flat can be so difficult. The slightest noise can be magnified in neighbouring flats. It sounds as if she is being unreasonable but are you able to help mitigate the transference of sounds further? E.g. soft rugs in the bedroom, crying baby taken to room not directly above her room at night? Carpets or rugs throughout the flat.

When I lived in a flat there were rules for all leaseholders where you could not have wooden floors and only slippers were to be worn indoors.

The building also had rules for noise levels after 9pm unless prearranged for a party.
It was restrictive but made for a very pleasant atmosphere. We also had a council and meetings which meant petty disputes between individual neighbours were generally resolved quite quickly.

@CircleofWillis

Living is a flat can be so difficult. The slightest noise can be magnified in neighbouring flats. It sounds as if she is being unreasonable but are you able to help mitigate the transference of sounds further? E.g. soft rugs in the bedroom, crying baby taken to room not directly above her room at night? Carpets or rugs throughout the flat. When I lived in a flat there were rules for all leaseholders where you could not have wooden floors and only slippers were to be worn indoors. The building also had rules for noise levels after 9pm unless prearranged for a party. It was restrictive but made for a very pleasant atmosphere. We also had a council and meetings which meant petty disputes between individual neighbours were generally resolved quite quickly.

Hello there, rugs and carpets are not really an option because I’ve got really bad dust allergies. Also I put a PVC rug in our room above hers where baby is co sleeping with us.

We try to be really mindful with our noise levels but she won’t take any decibel. She even complains when I use the toilet. She also cannot stand that I vacuum the house. I’m already having a hard time with our really old wood floorings given that stuff gets stuck in between. Because I cannot vacuum my house I spent 1k on robot vacuums to do the job.

She is unreasonable. She created this rule that we are not allowed to use the bathrooms or walk around the house after 3pm. I am an Asian and I don’t wear shoes in the house. I also don’t create noise in the house at all. I don’t have any friends here (all my friends are back in my home country) and I don’t like hosting parties. Our household is relatively quiet compared to others but somehow I get the blame.

She harassed us to the point my depression and anxiety is not getting better. We have made the definite decision to press legal charges because there is little else option for us. The freeholder told us to press charges. The police came and she actually confronted us saying that we are the problematic ones. We can’t keep calling the police each time she bangs our ceiling and makes our DS cry as a result of this.

And because we called the police, she got so mad she told us that it’s all our fault. I even took a video of the whole thing. It’s gaslighting.

You can report every time online op.. Police won't visit every time but builds a case in your favour. She is harassing you. See your GP and mention her also.

It sounds as if you are doing a lot to reduce sounds. I wouldn't make unreasonable adjustments such as not using your vacuum cleaner or the 3pm rule. Instead I would suggest she applies to the council for them to install a decibel recorder to show her that the noises you are making are reasonable and within acceptable (and legal) limits. It could well be that she has extreme sensitivity to noise in which case it is up to her to soundproof her flat rather than make unreasonable demands on you.

@Snowymcsnowsony

You can report every time online op.. Police won't visit every time but builds a case in your favour. She is harassing you. See your GP and mention her also.

This sounds like an idea. Will do so

I used to live next to someone like this OP. It's awful. It doesn't matter what you do or how quiet you are, you will never satify her. She doesn't want to hear less noise, she wants no noise, and that's just not realistic when living in a flat.

My advice would be, don't engage with her any further. If she tries to complain to you or issue daft rules, like no walking after 3 pm. Tell her that you're not interested and she needs to take it up with the council. Just keep telling her that on repeat.

Then keep a diary of every thing she does delibrately to you. Blocking you in, banging on the ceiling etc. Then report her to the police again for harassing you.

It sounds like she is being hugely unreasonable.
Some requests from a neighbour is fair enough but this is madness, especially when she is telling you when you can and can’t use the toilet!

@DeepFakeQueen

Definitely DONT make any adjustments that enable you to do less than normal living. However do check your lease. Mine has in it that floors have to be carpeted.

No we don’t have this stated.

To be honest, I’ve tried talking to the builder to get the floors changed and have a kind of soundproof thing installed but he said that this means that I’ve got to redo the entire house and remove the kitchen unit otherwise it won’t look good.

On top of that the builder said that it’s better for her to install the soundproofing on the ceilings or get the council to do it if she’s so disturbed by noise. Given that she had this issue with us since 2016, she should have done it but clearly didn’t as we are
2022 now. I’ve tried my best to be mindful as I’ve said. I even stopped cleaning the house and try not to walk around before 3pm.

BUT those days are gone. I’m now a mom and I can’t have a schedule around my kid whose needs precede mine. And I don’t want my kid to be frightened by the repetitive bangs. He’s learning how to walk and he’s sometimes throwing things to our dismay. I don’t like it either. But he’s just a baby. He doesn’t understand that he can’t throw things on the floor. I am in the process of teaching him so but it’s really really not easy. I have the policy of not hitting my kid just because he’s doing something out of curiosity. Like I’ve said I’ve installed PVC rug where this may happen but she still bangs the ceiling at the slightest noise.

Today the authorities would come to record the bangs she’s deliberately doing. It has come to such.

Some people have misplaced expectations when living in a flat.

@StanfordPines

It sounds like she is being hugely unreasonable. Some requests from a neighbour is fair enough but this is madness, especially when she is telling you when you can and can’t use the toilet!

For me this is absolutely traumatising. I grow up in an extremely strict household and the requests are sometimes so unrealistic and I get punished when I don’t follow them. I was a child then. Now I am an adult and I’m going through this with a stranger. I really tried my best to ignore for the past few years but I feel that I shouldn’t have ignored the situation as per my husband’s request because clearly the situation has gone so out of control.

Do you think there might be a racist element that means she's focusing on you rather than other neighbours? Do you know whether she complains to the other neighbours too?

I had this situation in a flat but mine calmed down when I said she was starting to be a bully now whereas before I'd try and help by making less noise

I agree I think you'll have to get advice now she's harassing you outside your flat.

I was emailing mine which made it easier but using words like Harass etc.

She could get her own advice but she's be told is normal noise of daily living and you are doing nothing wrong.

She sounds like she shouldn't be living in a flat as you say when you do this noise is par for the course. This episode finished me for flats!

@crapbuttrue

Do you think there might be a racist element that means she's focusing on you rather than other neighbours? Do you know whether she complains to the other neighbours too?

I suspect that there is because our household has been singled out amongst the others. She tried talking to the neighbours across her but the father of that household is Caucasian and he has a very strong personality. It actually backfired against her so since then her target is us. My husband is Caucasian too but he’s a nice and kind looking person.

The building is really noisy in all honesty. And we noticed that with more and more kids being part of this neighbourhood the amount of noise has really increased. There are kids screaming everyday from 3-6pm (usual witching hour for some). And sometimes there are parents who are yelling at their kids and we could really hear it. But somehow we understood that it’s an apartment and that it’s not unreasonable noise. It’s mostly muffled. If someone drops something we hear it too but we are okay with it. As I’ve said it’s really muffled unless someone is deliberately banging the walls or what not.

My husband is working from home like many others during COVID and it’s indeed noisier than usual lately but it’s only really during the day not at night.

I mean you guys must be moms or parents here. So I’m sure you understand.

@HauntedPencil

I had this situation in a flat but mine calmed down when I said she was starting to be a bully now whereas before I'd try and help by making less noise

I agree I think you'll have to get advice now she's harassing you outside your flat.

I was emailing mine which made it easier but using words like Harass etc.

She could get her own advice but she's be told is normal noise of daily living and you are doing nothing wrong.

She sounds like she shouldn't be living in a flat as you say when you do this noise is par for the course. This episode finished me for flats!

This episode also made me determined not to ever live in a flat again. Sure it’s a nice area in general but it’s these kind of unreasonable folks that really put a damper in my spirits. A friend told me that new builds are not like this though.

Many years ago I lived in a housing cooperative run by the tenants. The woman in the flat underneath complained about unreasonable things too - walking around my flat, running water for a shower, boiling a kettle for a drink, flushing the toilet after 9 pm etc. She went whinging to the committee, not realising I was a member. She was told "sorry but this is not a breach of the lease. These are just lifestyle differences so you will either have to reach a compromise or put up and shut up." Not in those words of course but that was the gist.

I began work twice weekly at 1pm for a 9 pm shift. I told her that I was often woken by her hoovering her flat or running the washer at 8am. So if she agreed to put off these jobs til after say 10 am I would be extra quiet after 10 pm. She refused and carried on in the same way.

Every time she woke me early am that night she was "punished" by my running water, boiling kettles, flushing the loo, etc. All normal household noises and nothing she could legitimately complain of. Eventually she did learn.

Neighbours, who needs them? I hate the creatures.

My mother’s neighbour was a nuisance always complaining. She even called the police three times for things like my mother touching her fence (who came out incredibly but said there was nothing illegal). My mother was elderly herself and very upset. The last time the police came I asked them what the issues were and why they kept coming out. They said there wasn’t anything, they were just trying to smooth relations. I pointed out that the old lady doing the reports was enjoying seeing them visit my mother and that them coming round for such trivial things was feeding the situation. I said I felt like complaining. The police never came again. We also consulted a solicitor who told us to write a recorded delivery letter to the lady saying that the police had confirmed that my mother had done nothing wrong and that if the lady didn’t cease her harassment of my mother we would be taking legal action. We also sent a copy to her family, who we knew. From then on we haven’t heard a thing from the old lady and it’s been nearly four years.

@sneakysnoopysniper

Many years ago I lived in a housing cooperative run by the tenants. The woman in the flat underneath complained about unreasonable things too - walking around my flat, running water for a shower, boiling a kettle for a drink, flushing the toilet after 9 pm etc. She went whinging to the committee, not realising I was a member. She was told "sorry but this is not a breach of the lease. These are just lifestyle differences so you will either have to reach a compromise or put up and shut up." Not in those words of course but that was the gist.

I began work twice weekly at 1pm for a 9 pm shift. I told her that I was often woken by her hoovering her flat or running the washer at 8am. So if she agreed to put off these jobs til after say 10 am I would be extra quiet after 10 pm. She refused and carried on in the same way.

Every time she woke me early am that night she was "punished" by my running water, boiling kettles, flushing the loo, etc. All normal household noises and nothing she could legitimately complain of. Eventually she did learn.

Neighbours, who needs them? I hate the creatures.

People are just so extreme !

@Honeyroar

My mother’s neighbour was a nuisance always complaining. She even called the police three times for things like my mother touching her fence (who came out incredibly but said there was nothing illegal). My mother was elderly herself and very upset. The last time the police came I asked them what the issues were and why they kept coming out. They said there wasn’t anything, they were just trying to smooth relations. I pointed out that the old lady doing the reports was enjoying seeing them visit my mother and that them coming round for such trivial things was feeding the situation. I said I felt like complaining. The police never came again. We also consulted a solicitor who told us to write a recorded delivery letter to the lady saying that the police had confirmed that my mother had done nothing wrong and that if the lady didn’t cease her harassment of my mother we would be taking legal action. We also sent a copy to her family, who we knew. From then on we haven’t heard a thing from the old lady and it’s been nearly four years.

Since when touching a fence is wrong lol? Some people are really off their marbles. I guess next time I have a neighbour I may just erect a very large fence next to their pre-existing fence. Who knows what kind of character will I meet?

Living in a downstairs flat will mean noise from upstairs. She cannot mandate when you move around and when you use the toilet - outrageous!!

Kids do thunder about so good luck to her when yours gets to that stage. She needs to move.

@murbblurb

Living in a downstairs flat will mean noise from upstairs. She cannot mandate when you move around and when you use the toilet - outrageous!!

Kids do thunder about so good luck to her when yours gets to that stage. She needs to move.

🤪🤪🤪