Has anyone ever decided not to claim child maintenance just to get some peace from their ex?

[Lbnc2021]

I’ll try to keep this brief.

Exh made me and 2 dc leave family home 2 years ago. Exh works overseas and has children for 9 weekends a year. Because he earns his money abroad I cannot use CSM and have to get a child maintenance order. This has been delayed because pre COVID he would move the goalposts repeatedly and COVID has meant that the courts are backlogged. I have received 2 payments from him in the past year. He has now offered me a paltry amount because he is using the OW children as a way to reduce maintenance to our children.

He basically cannot stand the fact that my life has only improved since I left and I’m happy whereas he is 40k+ in debt. I earn enough, just, to support myself and my children. I am ready for telling him to ram any maintenance up his arse just to get peace from him. He’s starting to lose interest in the children now and my daughter really doesn’t like him. There are some other issues like they don’t have their own beds at his house and have to share and he doesn’t have heating or hot water.

Should I just leave it all and get on with it myself? I don’t want to let my children down but I’m tired of this constant battle with him to do the very basics.

Yes I did. You really couldn’t put a price on the peace we’ve had for the last 3.5 years. He hasn’t bothered with them and we’ve coped without the money. I’ll never regret that decision.

Thanks for the reply. It’s a lot of maintenance he would need to pay but I’m at the stage now where I don’t care if I get it or not. I think I’m more worried I’ll be letting my children down.

I did claim but he has chosen to pay half. I haven’t done anything about it because I know it wouldn’t be worth the punishment.

Don't blame you for feeling that way.

Also. If you're DD really doesn't like him and isn't comfortable there, don't make her go. It sounds horrible for her.
If he has an issue he can raise it with court? Which he probably won't. And you could use that opportunity to highlight that he isn't paying what he should, not that it would even come to it.

DD1 dad is a multicultural millionaire and worth millions and millions - he moved abroad before she was born to stop paying anything - Asia etc and then denied paternity. He is now back in the U.K. - I don’t ask for anything - he doesn’t see us suits me fine. I do sometimes wonder if DD might take him to court to get an inheritance and what the judge might say - he has no other children

I went over 10 years without claiming maintenance from my ex. I couldn’t be bothered to be fair and felt a lot of pride for being able to support DC myself.

I'm in the same position at the moment. My ex hasn't paid child support since June and with him having his own company it's not straightforward to claim through CMS.

I decided to just leave it since I can just about manage without his money. My daughter is 13 and rightly or wrongly she does know her Dad pays nothing. So he can deal with the consequences when she's older of knowing her Dad's a deadbeat.

My Ex is also jealous as well as an overall abusive loser.

Thank you everyone for your replies. Someone mentioned pride, yes I will feel pride for being able to support them on my own and it will be an added bonus knowing that he will be raging that I’m happy without him. I found notes in my daughters bedroom she had written, she’s only 8 and she wrote that she didn’t like her dad because he takes things away from her and shouts at her and that his girlfriends son hits her. There’s no point in asking him about it as he’ll deny it as he can’t fall out with the girlfriend. But I had a gentle talk with my daughter and told her she can come and tell me anything she wants, she was very tearful. I said to her she doesn’t need to go to his if she doesn’t want to and it was like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. No maintenance is worth her feeling like crap. I’m now worried he’ll start getting to me through the courts for contact; nothing he does is for the children; it’s all to get at me.

My ex did everything he could to avoid paying. I won't go into the details. But I didn't press the CSA to press him. In fact when they rang me about the arrears, I said that despite the poverty we lived in, I'd rather cut any potential tie.

His paltry fiver a week when he owned multiple properties, had 1m+ inheritance and worked full time was nothing anyway.

I honestly don’t know how these men can live with themselves, to not care whether or not their child has enough to eat

Honestly, if you can afford it then just cut your losses. We will be the ones who have the respect of our children and the closest relationships in the future. It DOES massively piss me off that my ex is such a lowlife scumbag and I was foolish enough to marry him. BUT I genuinely think we gain more by not engaging. Well that's what I tell myself anyway.

Also, I do wonder how he will square it with his girlfriend when the conversation inevitably arises? Doesn't really portray them as much of a catch does it?

Some women will literally take anything on just to have a man in their bed though!