What happens if we both want to buy the marital home - divorce

[Londono]

STBXH asked for x amount to be bought out of the marital home and after going around the options I have managed to secure the amount he needs.

Now he is saying he might want to stay after all - I suspect either as a way to get more money out of me or perhaps he might have found a way to attempt to buy me out but I know it won't be for the same figure agreed for me to buy him out.

I've already incurred considerable legal costs in the process of buying him out.

I am waiting for a call back from my solicitor but what happens if he does decide to attempt to change the figure or now wants to buy me out instead?

If you can't agree you might have to go to court and have a judge decide. You would try meditation first, and if that was unsuccessful, you'd go to court. Where are you at in your buyout process?

Really close! He hasn't actually said what he wants instead just that this option is 'off the table' and that we should now leave it to our solicitors.

so if he hasn't signed the transfer of deed yet, it sounds like he's not going to agree to do that. Unfortunately it would then mean mediation etc. If he has signed the transfer of deed, well, he's a bit too late!

He hasn't signed anything yet.

It sounds to me as though he is just trying to get more money out of you or for you to run up more legal fees. If you go to court it costs thousands

He definitely wants more money but I've already agreed to give him more than half the equity to speed this up. Anymore will leave me unable to buy him out and unable to live.

@Londono are there any shared children living in the home? What would happen if you were to turn the tables around, refuse to buy him out and tell him he could either buy you out or you’d both have to sell?

Yes, we have DC. He'd live like this forever if he could!

If you have DC it could be the court orders that you and DC (if you are to be the resident parent) are able to continue living there until he is 18 and then the property be sold. I would wait for someone much more knowledgable about things before you take my word on that, but if possible you could try for that instead of buying him out just now?

History of being controlling or is this new since separating?

Go to mediation, he will have to pay half the costs. If he won't go it goes in your favour at court. If he goes the mediator will make it clear he's getting a good deal from you. Hopefully he will be embarassed into getting a grip. You could suggest (assuming finances are roughly equal) that he buys you out for the same amount you offered him. Or house gets sold and he gets his share.
Good luck

@user194729573 - Massive history - it is why we are getting divorced.

Access will be 50/50 so no chance of a mesher order according to my solicitor. Finances are nearly equal - he has more savings but not enough to quibble over.

I don't want to sell (but I will if I have to) and I don't see why I should if I can buy him out.

Ok, I figured as much, so there is no point trying to pay him more to get him to accept things because his motivator is just to have power over you. You can't negotiate with someone whose motivation is controlling you.

I would hand it over to your solicitor to follow a formal process, because otherwise he will keep you dancing on a string.

Don't give him the satisfaction of engaging with his games - it just gives him more power over you - and don't waste your emotions on trying to pacify him.

All good advice and it feels like his last ditch attempt to control this process. Even if we put the house on the market I know he will turn down offers until we get an OTT one he wants.

I don't have much money left for a solicitor but it is looking like the only way. But I SO wanted this over soon and we were close.

If the house is sold through divorce he can't turn down offers. Either you both agree an offer you want or the court get a valuation and decide the figure.
Thats why mediation is a good option first. The mediator will tell him this, he'll see what you are offering is worth his while. He doesn't get to decide this, as much as he might want to

Mediators basically act in both/neither of your interests. They are neutral. I think it will help you because clearly you've made a good offer and he's being a knob

Yes, I imagine mediation is where it will go next. I had wanted this to be quicker though. And I do not want it to have to go through court, it will cost so much and take so long

There is a fantastic book on negotiation by a guy called Chris Voss called 'never split the difference' which has some good techniques. I wonder if it would be worth using these to find out what it is that he really wants and reach a negotiation that addresses it.