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Legal matters

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Original poster

ExH required to leave UK

14 replies

etril · 18/01/2021 13:07

This morning DD7 came back from visiting her dad (my ExH) crying that "a judge says daddy has to go back to America, and I'll never see him again."

A bit of backstory: ExH has a history of controlling and emotionally abusive behavior. I got DD and myself out of that situation 3 years ago. We had a non-molestation order, then supervised visits with DD, and now an order that she spends every other weekend with him. ExH and I are now divorced. When we were together, he was my dependent for immigration purposes, but that all stopped when we separated. I think he tried to apply for a new visa on the basis of his relationship with DD, but he refuses to share any information about it with me directly, apart from threatening to take DD with him if he gets deported.

Back to today: DD is beside herself thinking it's her fault (apparently ExH also had her write letters to the judge on his behalf), and that their relationship is over. I'm livid that he still won't tell me what's going on, and DD is bearing the brunt of all this confusion. We should have been able to talk through future contact like adults without him declaring to DD that they'd never see each other again. I'm also terrified that he will just disappear - maybe with DD if she goes back to his house (again - he took off with her once in 2019, and it was horrible).

Does anyone have any insight? How do I support DD? How do I get ExH to talk to me directly and leave DD out of it? Should I let her go back to visit his house? If a judge really has ordered that he must leave the country, is he likely to have a specific deadline or day/flight? What happens to our child arrangements order if he lives on a different continent? My mind is just a whirl.

OP posts:

VettiyaIruken · 18/01/2021 13:10

Secure her passport and see if you can flag her with airports/airlines first of all.
I'd honestly stop contact and take it back to court over this.

Theunamedcat · 18/01/2021 13:13

You need to secure her passport contact immigration see if they will tell you anything (unlikely)

Apply for an order of prevention preventing him from removing her from the country

FelicityPike · 18/01/2021 13:14

@VettiyaIruken

Secure her passport and see if you can flag her with airports/airlines first of all. I'd honestly stop contact and take it back to court over this.

This^ in a heartbeat! I’d be speaking to a lawyer urgently too. Good luck, but she wouldn’t be seeing her dad again if I could help it.

CaraDuneRedux · 18/01/2021 13:18

This is a first and probably a last for me but: thank fuck for our immigration services.

It sounds like he is being horribly emotionally abusive towards her and once the dust has settled she will be much better off without him.

Do you have her passport safe where he (and she - he could be trying to coerce her into all sorts) can't get at it?

Get in touch with the police 111 number and say he's at risk of trying to fly to another country with your daughter and make sure both their names get flagged at airports/ports (both - he might try, for instance, to get her on a ferry to Ireland and then fly to the US). I think it's the Hague Convention that covers international law on this.

Check whether there's any chance she's eligible for dual nationality and whether he could have applied to the US embassy for an American passport for her.

Make sure school (if she's in school at the mo.) know not to release her into his care.

In the short term reassure her that she did a lovely thing writing to the judge and that it was entirely the judge's fault, not hers, that daddy can't stay.

user1174147897 · 18/01/2021 13:22

You need to take legal advice.

TodgerStrunk · 18/01/2021 13:30

Does he have a US passport in her name?

movingonup20 · 18/01/2021 13:31

If he's a us citizen she'll automatically be a dual national and he may have applied for a passport. I would suggest restricting contact to supervised as he could remove her from the country and whilst the us authorities may order her return, probably would, it's a big country to disappear into. I know someone who is in this situation and 2 years later when they were finally traced the us judge said that her life was now settled in the USA. Don't want to scare you but would hate for you to go through this

Original poster

etril · 18/01/2021 14:09

Thanks everyone for the responses. It's very reassuring to have support about restricting contact - ExH often accuses me of overreacting, and I start doubting myself.

I hold DD's US passport (I'm American too - it's the only one she has), and the child arrangements order includes words about ExH not being able to remove her from the country without my consent (added after the last disappearance). DD is home schooling with me due to Covid, so that's a bit less to worry about.

I've spoken to my divorce/child arrangements solicitor about trying to make contact with his immigration lawyer - sometimes that works. Unfortunately my solicitor is not very knowledgeable about immigration matters. Do you think it's worth finding someone specialised in this area?

OP posts:

IndieTara · 18/01/2021 14:22

Op is she dual nationality so could also have a UK passport?

titchy · 18/01/2021 14:27

Make the US embassy aware that her passport has NOT been lost or stolen - he could easily get a replacement otherwise.

CaraDuneRedux · 18/01/2021 14:56

Definitely get an immigration specialist too - your solicitor may even have a colleague who specialises in immigration law.

FelicityPike · 18/01/2021 17:37

@titchy

Make the US embassy aware that her passport has NOT been lost or stolen - he could easily get a replacement otherwise.

Very sensible idea.

Weirdfan · 18/01/2021 17:43

All good advice OP, and just to add I would not send DD again until you've had legal advice. If he's already failed to return her previously I would think the court would deem it sensible that you don't stick to the CAO until this is resolved.

BellCurve · 18/01/2021 19:29

Scary, we have issues with DP's ExW as she's from an eastern European country and a flight risk, we have rules around passports etc for the kids very tight in the order, but that doesn't prevent anything actually taking place, just constitutes a breach of order. I would be flagging it to the authorities and going straight back to court for a ban on him removing her from the country and supervised contact. Make sure the passport office know the issue, and if she's eligible for a UK passport as well, then tell them too.

Good luck x

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