Does anyone know anything about financial abuse in the elderly?

[UnitedRoad]

I don’t want to go into details here, but we have a big problem with my mother in law, who was... the only word I can think of is groomed? with her husband when he was, 90, and very sick. She’s 80, not worldly wise, and relied on her husband to make decisions (he wasn’t worldly wise either, and incredibly easily flattered, so very easily manipulated). My husband (only child), was kind of pushed out by these people who said they wanted the best for her, and they made all kinds of promises for her future life, knowing exactly what she wanted to hear, which didn’t happen.

She’s gone from living in a very expensive area in Surrey to a park home in The north west. The people no longer talk to her, and she’s incredibly unhappy. They’ve benefitted from this by approx £600,000 while she just has her pension.

We’d like to do something but have no clue where to start. The ideal outcome would be for her to have somewhere to live back down south where her friends and family are, and this is what she wants. I’d also like some justice, but I doubt that will happen. The ‘groomers’ are family, but not her children and are in very responsible jobs (use social work and police, although not quite those things). They knew what they were doing and exactly what to say. It’s very upsetting and also scary.

I’ve tried to be quite vague. Can anyone help us know where to start?

Why on earth isn't your husband reporting them to the police? They've stolen £600,000 off her!

Social services.

Pressed post too fast. There would be an assessment of her mental capacity. But the abuse has already taken place? So you probably would need to report to the police.
0808 808 8141 is the official government elder abuse helpline, they may be able to advise you.

A referral to the Local Authority adult safeguarding team would be my first step. Even if they cannot act, they can advise on next steps.

Apparently she signed it over to them, and was told they’d buy a smallholding together where she’d have a separate annexe, and a dog, and chickens etc. This didn’t happen. Obviously she’s questioned it, but they tell her she went into it with her eyes open.

Her husband of almost 60 years had just died.

This is going to sound rude, but I’ve known her 26 years and she’s never been completely on the ball (I really tried to find a nicer way to say this). Her life was her garden, dogs, horses, chickens and watching horse racing or coronation street on tv. That was what she had and she loved it. She knew with her husband gone she couldn’t manage to continue that life, but they told her it was what they wanted too.

AgeUK are good people to talk to. They can refer you onward, and help you work out where you want to go next.

Is there anyone else concerned about the situation?

In my area, a respected man was found guilty of misappropriating an elderly woman's funds in similar circumstances. Police can and will prosecute if the person's interests have not been served.

Thank you all. @Suzi888 I’ll get my husband to ring tomorrow. It’s so difficult because we haven’t seen paperwork snd mother in law doesn’t have any either.

When these people were convincing her To move up north did your husband not say anything then?

From (professional) experience, they may well now pressure her to make a Will in their favour.

Definitely contact social services it is financial abuse. They have an adult safeguarding team who will hopefully be able to help you. Can your Husband get power of attorney to help support his Mum with her finances if she is struggling? In some circumstances you can get it done for free or for a small amount. We did this for my late Dad and it meant we could ensure he had everything he needed but wasn’t vulnerable to anyone taking advantage. It means only your Husband or whoever has POA can support financial and health decisions. Good luck x

Yes there are other people concerned. My husbands cousins on his dads side, and his aunt definitely are, and all her local friends. She had some younger friends (younger than her - probably 50s/60s) who have helped her with her animals for a long time, and kept horses on her land, who are also very worried and want to do all they can to help us.

Apparently she and her husband had a will, although it’s disappeared (), and a while ago nephew got a solicitor to make another will with her. She doesn’t have it, although she thinks she has the solicitors card, but remembers she had to pay half, and her nephew (man I believe conned her) paid the other half. It was £500.

The trouble is, trying to talk to her on the phone is hard. She says the same thing over and over then completely changes the subject. She doesn’t seem to hear very well, and it doesn’t matter how often my husband tries to get her back on the subject, she doesn’t or won’t listen. It’s very very sad.

@Bingo78 power of attorney is a brilliant idea. I know my mum had it for my grandma, a long time ago. Thank you

Absolutely awful for your poor MIL. I hope you get some justice for her.

@Toasty280 she (and especially his dad), have never ever listened to anything he says. In their eyes he was still teenage boy although he’s 53. It’s something that I’ve always found upsetting. Also I think there might be the possibility that he also believed in the annexe on the smallholding. I don’t know if he’d admit that though. He trusted them. They’re his family.

Thank you @Suzi888 she cries on the phone to us, and says she’d rather be dead.

You start off with the police and they inform adult safeguarding.

Adult safeguarding, tomorrow. They will be able to advise any other steps that need to be taken, it will be within the county council where she lives. Report to police, it is classed as financial abuse. If there is no power of attorney in place safeguarding may advise your husband that it needs to go to the court of protection or that she has an independent advocate but as I say the starting point would be adult safeguarding.

I don't know if this would work without a conviction, but the regulatory bodies for these people's professions might be able to discipline them even though the incident took place outside of their job. Like when teachers get barred from teaching for being a paedo even if they didn't do it to one of their students.

I don't know if you could start a complaint process with their regulatory bodies for their behaviour outside of work. Also not sure it would help your relative much, except maybe the current social worker would be more likely to believe you about these other relatives being bad news if you'd 'won' a complaint.

Otherwise you could find they wheedle their way in to be involved with her care, as they're in a related industry and would know who to contact. It seems to me like with most abusers they've tried to isolate her from her family and friends, in this case by moving her as far away as possible. So they might have a vested interest in keeping her isolated and do things behind your backs to somehow prevent a move down south.

You can get both health and financial power of attorney, two separate things, if your relative did this for you and your husband it would help prevent people poking their nose into her welfare and financial decisions. Because those decisions would then be up to you, not her. You're running out of time though, she has to do it while she's mentally sound I think and it sounds like she might be going downhill.

Out of curiosity what is a park home? I'm unfamiliar with the term.

@AmberItsACertainty really really interesting post, because everyone says she was deliberately isolated from her friends and family. In fact when she first moved up there and was living with the couple, MIL told us to never ring her, to wait for her to ring us when they were out.

I don’t even know if Park Home is the right term. It’s the term MiL uses whenever my husband calls it a caravan. It looks like a static caravan, and is on a ‘park’ with similar properties. You can live in them all year round and it doesn’t have a shop or any other facilities. They’re a lot cheaper than a bricks and mortar house.

Oh shit I wondered if it was that. Your poor MIL. Perhaps she's struggling to face reality. It looks like a caravan because it is a caravan. I'm also not certain about being able to live in them all year round.

The people I've known live in one had to go on holiday a few weeks a year because 50wks was the maximum stay. This was ages ago though, so maybe things changed. Except travellers, they seem to stay in theirs all year. Unless the travellers just didn't happen to mention their holidays to me, we weren't close.

Yes they'll probably have been getting angry and taking it out on her in some way (some or other form of 'punishment') if she spoke to you, so she's been keeping it secret. Could also explain why she's cagey talking to you now about certain things. Old habits die hard and she'll have been well trained, slowly, insidiously, over time.

It's heartbreaking. I hope you can sort something out for her.

Thinking more, you should definitely contact the police. I know you're in shock because you're family, but as an outsider there's no ambiguity here. They've set out to take her for every penny she's got. Officially it's fraud, abuse of the elderly, conman stuff? Anyway, pretty sure it's a crime.

The power of attorney is urgent too. Chances are she's already given it to them, so it needs to be revoked, which I believe is possible and she can do at any time, if she's of sound mind.

The police can help get social services involved too, if they're not already. I imagine those others have kept everyone official as far away from MIL as possible. Have you visited? Do you know who her neighbours are? Can she heat the place? It might be a totally unsuitable place for her to live in.

You could try here for the will:

www.nationalwillregister.co.uk

There is a charity for Action on Elder Anuse

www.thenationalcareline.org/AccessingHelp/ActionOnElderAbuse

PP are right that the local authority adult safeguarding team are the place to start. They will investigate if she is deemed a vulnerable adult.

Does she have some early dementia do you think? Just when you mention not being able to really speak on the phone. Is it worth looking into that? You'd need the GP to refer her for an assessment.

The problem with LPA is she'd have to have mental capacity to make one (and to make a will in fact) but if you are arguing she didn't have the mental capacity to give the money away or make the previous will then it's a bit hard to simultaneously argue she has capacity to change it now IYSWIM.

Often the problem with safeguarding investigations is that the person being safeguarded can refuse to co-operate and then nothing more can be done. The usual reason is not wanting to get the abuser in trouble. If she has capacity they will ask her what she wants done and they won't do anything unless she agrees