Potential second marriage and wanting to ring fence certain assets - is it possible?

[HorseAndCarriage]

I have name changed for this. I was married and divorced in around 2012. The divorce cleaned me out - exh behaved like an arsehole. Spent all his money and then lost his job so claimed he had absolutely nothing and I ended up having to remortgage the house I had already paid for.

I've been super cautious since then and have never thought I would consider being married again. Dp (been seeing him since early 2018) moved in in July 2019. I didn't think marriage would be on his mind either but he dropped a hint about it over Xmas which made me think he is thinking about it.

But I come into this relationship with way more assets and fewer dependants (he has 4, I have 2 and importantly one of mine might need life long support as he has SN).

I'm happy to share what we build together but I would like to ring fence what I had when we got together. Is that legally possible in the UK? (I'm not saying I would even say yes to a proposal but just thinking through the options!).

Best speaking with a solicitor.

I didn't think marriage would be on his mind either but he dropped a hint about it over Xmas which made me think he is thinking about it.

Just because he's suggested it, doesn't mean you have to agree. If he actually asks, you can say no.
It really sounds like it was off the table for you but you're thinking about it because he wants to. You can have a nice life together without the ring.

Speak to a solicitor. Honestly, a few hundred quid spent on advice now could save you thousands later if things go tits up.

You say your DP moved in with you.... If the house is yours and subsequently becomes the marital home then there is a risk there of you losing out big time, particularly if DP does not have his own property.

Please see a solicitor.

If he proposes and you're minded to say yes then tel him at the time that you want a pre-nuptial agreement to ring fence those assets both on divorce and on death. At that point you both instruct separate solicitors and get the agreement done well in advance of any wedding ceremony.

Yes of course, I would see a solicitor if it came to this and yes I know I don't have to say yes (if he did propose), I'm just thinking about the options and what was possible in the current legal environment. I remember when I first got married that pre nups weren't legally enforceable but were taken as guidance so I was wondering if anything had changed.

I have told him already that the assets that came with me are left to my kids in my will so he knows that already so it won't be a surprise to him.

A prenuptial agreement would have to be manifestly unfair to be disregarded in E&W now.

But yeh, solicitor not mumsnet.

I wouldn't get married.

I was told pre nups are not legal in the UK and there is nothing you can do

Why would you marry?

Frankly for a relationship of just over two years...I would think very very hard before agreeing to get married. Having a pre nup will cost thousands and there is also no guarantee it will be upheld although as Collaborate advised, both having legal advice is a must which helps.

I just can't think what the benefits are at this point unless you are thinking of a family?

It sounds like he has a lot to gain by marrying you, whereas conversely you have a lot to (potentially) lose.

I'd think very carefully.

@Overseasmom100

I was told pre nups are not legal in the UK and there is nothing you can do

The current situation is that the courts will uphold a properly drawn up pre-nuptial agreement provided both parties entered the agreement voluntarily, there has been full disclosure, both parties have received independent legal advice, the agreement is fair and reasonable, and the agreement meets the needs of any children.

Deed of trust, but see a solicitor.

Don't marry him. Theres an approx. 75% chance you'll bitterly regret it (second marriage have a much higher divorce rate).

No matter what you do, if he has a housing "need", the court will seek to meet it.

With nothing in his pocket and 4 kids, you can tie the house up as much as you like and family court will likely still order a settlement to him.

Really don't do this.

Talk to him. Tell him that when he said so thing that made you think he was I plying marriage that you began to worry about needing to ring fence your assets. See what he suggests.

*something
*implying

Another one saying I wouldn’t get married if I were you

Talk to him and also to a solicitor. What happens if you die unexpectedly? Do you anticipate him leaving your children and disappear from their lives, would they go to your ex or would he take them on along with his own? Would you expect him to leave the property so it could be sold for your children's benefit? Would you give him lifetime residency? What if he dies? Lots to consider. Does he have his own property? It may make sense to stay as FWB.

Pre nups are useless in this country. Don’t marry will be my advice too because there is nothing you will gain and stand to lose a lot.

@Thewithesarehere

Pre nups are useless in this country. Don’t marry will be my advice too because there is nothing you will gain and stand to lose a lot.

That is not true. Whilst a pre nup is not directly enforceable, the courts will uphold a properly drawn up pre nup provided the conditions I set out in my earlier post are met.

It really isn't worth the risk. Don't get married, that's the best way to protect yours and your family's future.

@Thewithesarehere

Pre nups are useless in this country. Don’t marry will be my advice too because there is nothing you will gain and stand to lose a lot.

I wish I had the confidence to go on a specialist message board and post advice on something I knew absolutely nothing about.

People going into second (or third etc) relationships should really consider these issues before moving in together.

Don't do it.... just don't, what benefit is there to you? Have a blessing by all means but don't intertwine yourself legally ...