Is this worth mentioning in court - family proceedings

[Concernedmama1]

Ex is applying for a lives with order, cafcass had done a section 7 before the last and said dd was at risk to violence but protective factors such as my exs family minimised this and out weighed the risk.

Since then dd has been returning home distressed, it has got to the point that dds health visitor raised it with social services after observing dds behaviour. Because of this ex is taking me back to court for a lives with order. I wanted to know if it would be worth mentioning the following and if it could help my case:

Social has offered help which I have accepted but ex has declined. Being that a professional has said they have concerns I would expect ex as someone who has a responsibility to dd would accept this.

Ex also declined video calls as advised by the cafcass officer. Given dds age and again the fact a professional is saying this is in dds best interest that ex would call dd. Not to mention want to call.

During the observation for the section 7 report x had both their parents in attendance. I do not think this gives a good reflection on the relationship between ex and dd as children's behaviour can change dependent on who is present and gps maybe a safety net for dd.

Ex has raised a number of pso against me, each hearing it is something different. The last stopping me from discussing any welfare concerns with professionals relating to him and previous incidents that he himself admitted to however this was dismissed by the judge.

No advice but this sounds really hard.

@marthastew It's stressful, but after years of emotional and sexual abuse I'm starting to stand up for myself and most importantly dd. Definitely have days where I think omg I can't do this but snap out of it quickly.

Your Lawyer should absolutely be mentioning this...

@BlueThistles, thanks for this. It's just beyond me.

Legal rights of women

They may be able to help and you apply for a court order to stop him
Bringing things to court without merit.
What I would I say it's that the court is unlikely to prevent you from discussing welfare concerns because that would be an over reach of your parental rights.

Also the family court has the bounds of probability 51% use the child welfare check list as a mark and then prove how he doesn't meet this criteria

Well now he is saying that dds issues while with me our my own problem and that he will not be accepting help from social, I have this in writing.

He is also stating that I have now breach the order twice and I didn't send dd to him last night or tonight. This is true but I do have concerns about her behaviour and even more so because he doesn't think it is his responsibility. Will the fact I've breached twice (I have done before), help him get the change of residence. Dd is 2 and cafcass said at risk of moderate violence.

stop communicating with him about anything excepting contact arrangements. Give everything to your Lawyer. 🌺

@BlueThistles but I've now breached the order twice and I'm so worried they'll change residence because of this and the fact that when the HV visitor said he was concerned about dds behaviour I said that contact had happened and this was always her response. I've done all I can but if anything goes wrong in contact, like dd overheated because ex didn't remove clothing and check if she was warm this was me setting him up to fail or if her nappy leaks. These have all being used in court against me and I'm just exhausted by the constant blaming.

I'm concerned about my dds emotional and mental wellbeing while with him, poor girl isn't yet able to verbally communicate properly but her non verbal cues suggest something is going on.. and ex behaviour with not wanting to address these issues because they seemingly aren't his problem doesn't make doesn't help those concerns. I want to get the order varied but with Xmas it now means either sending her, which my solicitor said I should allow to not breach the order, or breaching to keep dd safe.

how are you OP 🌺

@Concernedmama1 it takes ALOT to change a child's resident parent, and often has to be that social services have been involved. In this case they have been, but because of worries they have about your ex.

Please do not let this man bully you ❤️ and contact women's aid

I'm ok thanks @BlueThistles @BeenHereAllDay!

Ex didn't apply for residence in the end and I've instructed solicitor to apply to vary the order. HV has given a written statement saying he is concerned about DDs behaviour, and exs parenting capacity. Though this was a question in the last section 7 bearing in mind that the observation of DD and ex was over facetime and with his parents present which I don't think should have been the case as DD can't communicate verbally what's going on.

Until we vary I've offered ex weekly contact, 8 hours on a sat or sun, supported by his mum and any video contact he wants. He has declined this and still unwilling to engage in the early help.

I'm sure he'll say my behaviour is escalating, he'll apply for residence most likely too.. although after threatening to do so he didn't. I'm sure his solicitor told him how likely it would be for him, and especially now I have this statement from the HV. Gp said she'll do one as well along with how ex has affected my mental health. So hoping I'm not going to be seen as unreasonable now and that something is done.

@Concernedmama1 glad to hear it ❤️ it will not look good on him that he's refused early help, and it's a shame as it's an amazing service not offered to many. You never have to see each other, and it's the chance to give himself a voice, he's obviously decided that if people don't agree with him then he doesn't want to communicate with them and he's scared they'll be reasonable and make him look at his own behaviour. You're doing amazing well done x

@BeenHereAllDay ahh thank you. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing well, all I know is ex doesn't seem concerned at all about DD unless it comes to contact, overnights that is.

I'm just hoping the judge doesn't see me as being unreasonable for offering the contact I did, but I'm just protecting DD. DDs behaviour started to change as contact was restarted, it was documented in a paediatrician report mid 2020 so it isn't even like I've just made it up, I've said constantly this is her behaviour.. other professionals have seen. Yet when DD goes s length of time without seeing her dad her behaviour drastically improves.. to the point she has really come on in her speech and yesterday used the potty for the first time and has been using it since, just out of the blue.

Spoke to soon, he has now applied for residency which has gone to the court.

But on the c2 it has 'not yet issued' on the heading, what does that mean ?

when is the Hearing?

Family Court Judges are not known for removing children from a Mother unless there is a safeguarding concern and it's in the best interests of the child.

You need to keep informing your solicitor of his behaviour and log everything. Do not communicate with him, go via your legal route.

good luck.

No date for hearing yet.

Good job there are no safeguarding concerns for me and I really don't think it would be in DDs best interests.

@BlueThistles @BeenHereAllDay date of hearing through. Ex has also applied for costs as well.. for the third time running. Not willing to engage with early help still, social worker tried emailing and left a voicemail. Not accepting any of my proposals to contact until we are in court, which would effectively mean he sees her more frequently but being supported by his family member.

On top of this judge is to consider whether DD should have a guardian or if there should be a section 37 report.

So anxious. Solicitor has applied to vary