Hi All,
I'm hoping someone can give some advice, or has perhaps been in a similar situation.
My partner and I have a 5 year old son and are expecting a second, we live together and have a happy relationship. We are resident in Scotland.
Shortly before our son was born, we moved close to my parents as we assumed that this would provide a healthy environment. Shortly after the birth, my parents wanted an "access" arrangement where they went out once a week.
We accomodated this, however noticed that my mothers behavour towards our son was cold and distant, and that on occasions she would not turn up and leave my father to take him out. This distance continued for a year, including no shows to birthdays as they "were not her thing".
We attempted to speak to her and ask if there was anything we could do to help/change, however she did not take this well and cut contact for a year.
During this time we attempted to gain answers from my father, who refused to discuss unless our son was in the room, or gave vague answers such as "he will forget her".
We received emails from my mother with quite spiteful content, and agreed with my father that he could continue the arrangement as long as he did not take our son to their home as we were concerned about the mental health of my mother.
We recevied photos on a Whatsapp group that showed that he had taken our son multiple times to their home, and were quickly deleted. On Christmas day, my father showed up at our home demanding to take our son to their house - we refused and stated we would not be seperated as a family.
During Coronavirus lockdown, we advised "pause" contact as video calls were upsetting our son as he was asking for "granny", who refused to speak to him. My fathers behaviour became erratic, showing up to our home unannounced and demanding to be let in.
At this point we started recieving solicitors letters demanding a regular access arrangement to be setup on a certain date and time. We refused and suggested mediation via our solicitor and clarifiication as to who would attend - the letters are in my fathers name only.
Two months past, and we received a further letter stating that only my father would attend, and if we did not, he would take us to court.
We arranged mediation, however received a letter again stating that the date was not soon enough, and we should contact a private mediator arranged by his solictor, with the first session paid by my father - to which we refused and stated that we will continue with the arrangement.
The mediator cancelled the appointment, and asked to rearrange. We could not attend the alternative mediation date suggested as we have midwife appointments, and suggested a date in Jan 2021.
We received a further letter stating that if an access arrangement is not agreed by 25th Dec, he would start court proceedings.
At this point we could give in and agree, but we feel that is not in the best interests of our son - there has been no attempt at providing a sensible explaination of the absense of grandmother or going forward explaining why his parents are estranged from his grandparents. As demonstrated on Christmas day my father wants to create a seperate environment.
We have sought legal advice, but wondered if anyone else has gone through a similar experience.